Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I shag the 25 year old

647 replies

NotmyrealNC · 21/10/2024 22:39

NC for obvious reasons.

Long story short, I'm 6 months out of an abusive marriage. Not in any way ready to date or for a relationship, I'm still far too hurt to even contemplate that. But I do miss sex.

Last week, a guy randomly approached me and gave me his number. We've chatted a bit, it turns out he's 10 years younger than me. From his messages, I get the impression he's only after one thing.

I'm really, really tempted. I could really do with a good shag. But I'm also worried it could go horribly wrong and leave me feeling terrible. So, please help me decide. WIBU to shag the 25 year old?!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
SwingTheMonkey · 21/10/2024 23:05

MidnightMeltdown · 21/10/2024 23:03

Nothing as long as it's crystal clear to both parties are aware that it's just a shag. But women are generally far less likely to be up for 'just a shag' than men.

Show quote history

That’s sexist bullshit, peddled because women aren’t supposed to enjoy casual sex.

Plenty of women enjoy a casual hook up. Lots don’t. Same as men.

BettyBardMacDonald · 21/10/2024 23:05

Where did you meet him?

HazelPlayer · 21/10/2024 23:05

bluedelphiniums · 21/10/2024 22:53

Imagine if this was an older man deciding whether to shag a 25 yr old woman (and referred to her as a girl) He’d get eaten alive by MN! Double standards much.

If the 25 yr old woman had come onto him, and was clearly & enthusiastically seeking sex ...why would he??

And "girl" .... Well, women get called girls quite a lot. Men get called lads and boys sometimes too

HazelPlayer · 21/10/2024 23:06

BettyBardMacDonald · 21/10/2024 23:05

Where did you meet him?

"Asking for a friend".

😉

Original poster
NotmyrealNC · 21/10/2024 23:07

BettyBardMacDonald · 21/10/2024 23:05

Where did you meet him?

He approached me in a public place. We've been messaging, and have provisionally set a date for this weekend. But now I've made the plans I'm starting to overthink it all!

OP posts:
HazelPlayer · 21/10/2024 23:08

SwingTheMonkey · 21/10/2024 23:05

That’s sexist bullshit, peddled because women aren’t supposed to enjoy casual sex.

Plenty of women enjoy a casual hook up. Lots don’t. Same as men.

Show quote history

I have absolutely no skin in the game, but I honestly do not think most women handle casual sex as "well" as men.

Part of it might be oxytocin, which seems to affect women more.

Original poster
NotmyrealNC · 21/10/2024 23:08

HazelPlayer · 21/10/2024 23:06

"Asking for a friend".

😉

Show quote history

😂

OP posts:
Dotto · 21/10/2024 23:08

Why not?

Ambienteamber · 21/10/2024 23:08

Have some fun. Shag him but be clear to him it's not going to be anything more. Then stand by that and don't see him again.

TiaraBoo · 21/10/2024 23:08

Age gap sound fine. Which ever way around it was. You’re both young in my eyes.
Shag him and get what you need from it.
Don’t overthink it. Life isn’t all roses and romance, which you already know. Sometimes you just need casual (but safe!) sex.

Planesmistakenforstars · 21/10/2024 23:09

No. If you're giving this must thought to something that should be purely fun, then maybe you're too emotionally vulnerable and not ready. But if you do it, then it goes without saying to use a condom no matter what, no excuses. He will absolutely be shagging around at every opportunity.

HazelPlayer · 21/10/2024 23:09

NotmyrealNC · 21/10/2024 23:07

He approached me in a public place. We've been messaging, and have provisionally set a date for this weekend. But now I've made the plans I'm starting to overthink it all!

Show quote history

Jeekers, he sounds like a PUA.

Condoms are definitely a priority.

And they don't entirely guard against eg HPV and HSV

Disturbia81 · 21/10/2024 23:10

loropianalover · 21/10/2024 22:56

I’m surprised people find 25 and 35 an unacceptable age gap? 🤔 It’s two adults.

However OP I lean no to this because your post makes you sound quite vulnerable and open to being hurt.

Nah it's too big.
I don't agree with it the other way round so I'm not gonna be a hypocrite and say go for it OP.

CrikeyMajikey · 21/10/2024 23:11

Do it and enjoy it.

valentinka31 · 21/10/2024 23:13

NotmyrealNC · 21/10/2024 22:39

NC for obvious reasons.

Long story short, I'm 6 months out of an abusive marriage. Not in any way ready to date or for a relationship, I'm still far too hurt to even contemplate that. But I do miss sex.

Last week, a guy randomly approached me and gave me his number. We've chatted a bit, it turns out he's 10 years younger than me. From his messages, I get the impression he's only after one thing.

I'm really, really tempted. I could really do with a good shag. But I'm also worried it could go horribly wrong and leave me feeling terrible. So, please help me decide. WIBU to shag the 25 year old?!

do it. It will help you. He'll be nice to you. You'll feel energized.

But just go into it thinking: this is a temporary thing.

Otherwise you'll bond to him if he's nice, extra strong because of the abusive past and finally here's a nice guy. But he most likely is only up for occasional sex. And it might only be a very short-lived thing.

But if you can tell yourself that to start with, then I'd say yes call him right now.

Blondiney · 21/10/2024 23:13

Don’t do it, OP.

Tittat50 · 21/10/2024 23:13

I did something similar in my youth because as someone with self esteem struggles at the time, I knew I would not get attached to this person. I was 29, they were about 22. Not quite the same but still a bit gross.
I enjoyed it for what it was and no feelings developed.
Looking back, they were also vulnerable like me.

I think sometimes it's just best for everyone to get a vibrator. 🤷‍♀️

valentinka31 · 21/10/2024 23:14

hardtocare · 21/10/2024 22:54

Conflicted. Hes 25 so the sex likely won't be good but I still think you should do it to move forward

noo. The sex will most likely be amazing.

valentinka31 · 21/10/2024 23:15

NotmyrealNC · 21/10/2024 22:46

I feel like there's not much risk of me getting emotionally attached to a 25 year old. Our lives are in very different places. I also don't think I'll know whether I'm ready until I try it? But also don't want to lead the poor boy on and then bottle it last minute.

Yes I am definitely overthinking this.

he;s not a boy.

HazelPlayer · 21/10/2024 23:15

Without knowing you well op, it's really hard to say whether this is a good idea or not.

It could be a liberating, exciting, fun experience that helps you recover and enjoy your life.

Or it could be a negative, empty, maybe even dangerous thing - if he's porn sick or not big on consent, or not good in bed, or any number of things.

I think your next sexual experience should probably be with a kind man you're attracted to whom you've gotten to know pretty well and trust.
Without you feeling weird about an age gap.

MidnightMeltdown · 21/10/2024 23:16

*That’s sexist bullshit, peddled because women aren’t supposed to enjoy casual sex.

Plenty of women enjoy a casual hook up. Lots don’t. Same as men.*

@SwingTheMonkey Except that dozens of research studies have shown that this simply isn't true. There is a huge gender gap in the desire for casual sex.

Yes, SOME women enjoy it, but let's not pretend that men and women are the sexually same.

valentinka31 · 21/10/2024 23:16

Tittat50 · 21/10/2024 23:13

I did something similar in my youth because as someone with self esteem struggles at the time, I knew I would not get attached to this person. I was 29, they were about 22. Not quite the same but still a bit gross.
I enjoyed it for what it was and no feelings developed.
Looking back, they were also vulnerable like me.

I think sometimes it's just best for everyone to get a vibrator. 🤷‍♀️

why is 22 and 29 a bit gross? !

omg I'd better never share my story/ies then! 😂😂

Lyannaa · 21/10/2024 23:17

Do it. I slept with a 20 year old when I was 34. Tbh I thought he was too young but it was a fun time and I saw him various occasions - he had a lot of energy. Lately, he got in touch again 🤣

Tittat50 · 21/10/2024 23:18

For me, it felt really gross. I can't explain it. I think because I felt like I was exploiting this lad. Even thinking back gives me the creeps a bit.

Fiestytiger · 21/10/2024 23:18

If you can walk away without it confusing your head do it. However I am dating someone 9 years younger and he is the most emotional available guy I have ever met…