Page 14 | Should I shag the 25 year old

NotmyrealNC · 2024-10-21T21:39:06+00:00

NC for obvious reasons. Long story short, I'm 6 months out of an abusive marriage. Not in any way ready to date or for a relationship, I'm still far too hurt to even contemplate that. But I do miss sex. Last week, a guy randomly approached me and gave me his number. We've chatted a bit, it turns out he's 10 years younger than me. From his messages, I get the impression he's only after one thing. I'm really, really tempted. I could really do with a good shag. But I'm also worried it could go horribly wrong and leave me feeling terrible. So, please help me decide. WIBU to shag the 25 year old?!

Crushed23 · 22/10/2024 11:44

ladyfringilla · 22/10/2024 10:56

I am actually in a similar situation to that which the OP is described. In my case I am 56 and have been seeing a younger man (32) for sex for over a year. The sex is terrific. He is incredible in bed. The only caveat is that I've started having feelings for him. I posted about it on MN back in August.

I remember your thread!

OP, don't rule out falling for this guy. I'm 35 and I developed feelings for a 21 year-old I was involved with over summer. 21!

Just getting over him now.

MidnightMeltdown · 22/10/2024 11:46

The pre frontal cortex is the last bit of the brain to fully finish its development. And the wiring up between it and the lower parts of the brain happens between puberty and 25.

Where did people get this idea that the brain is suddenly fully developed at 25?! The brain is still developing until at least the age of 30.

This is not to say that 25 year olds aren't capable of making their own decisions, but people treating 25 as some kinds of arbitrary cut off is ridiculous.

I don't think that 10 years is a massive deal in general, but I do think that 10 years, when the younger person is still in their 20s, is a bit questionable. I remember thinking that I was mature at 25, but looking back, I definitely wasn't!

Contrastinggrassstates · 22/10/2024 11:48

HollyKnight · 22/10/2024 10:08

Again, I dont think it is an age or maturity thing really. Most people don't recognise bad people or situations until they go through them themselves. MN is full of threads by fully grown women in shit situations with shit men because its either the first time it has happened to them or because they never learned after the previous time(s).

It isn't anymore easier to manipulate a nieve 24 year old than it is to manipulate a nieve 35 year old. And by nieve I mean they haven't experienced that particular shade of manipulation.

Aging in and of itself isn't what makes you more mature. Aging just gives you time to gain experience. It's these experiences that make you learn and change.

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I agree. It’s not about the ability of the person to assess risk and making a call on that. Everyone should have agency over their own choices and make their own mistakes. For me it’s about, as an older person being mindful of this human phase of development and the potential power imbalance it might create.

Contrastinggrassstates · 22/10/2024 11:51

MidnightMeltdown · 22/10/2024 11:46

The pre frontal cortex is the last bit of the brain to fully finish its development. And the wiring up between it and the lower parts of the brain happens between puberty and 25.

Where did people get this idea that the brain is suddenly fully developed at 25?! The brain is still developing until at least the age of 30.

This is not to say that 25 year olds aren't capable of making their own decisions, but people treating 25 as some kinds of arbitrary cut off is ridiculous.

I don't think that 10 years is a massive deal in general, but I do think that 10 years, when the younger person is still in their 20s, is a bit questionable. I remember thinking that I was mature at 25, but looking back, I definitely wasn't!

The brain retains plasticity throughout life. There are, however thought to be critical periods of development where there is a lot of change. 0-3 years and puberty to early twenties. I’ve oversimplified because to share the full complexity is impossible, and certainly not possible to capture it all on a forum!

Hunglikeapolevaulter · 22/10/2024 12:02

I do think that 10 years, when the younger person is still in their 20s, is a bit questionable

What's the line where it becomes questionable though? 29 and 31? 27 and 33?
I don't think many people would consider that any sort of age gap at all.

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 22/10/2024 12:30

At 25 this man is 9 years over the age of consent, it should be safe to let him make his own mind up about who he wants to have sex with. Anybody can potentially get hurt by any sexual relationship but I doubt that a guy who sizes up a slightly older woman and makes advances is in the most vulnerable category.

dontcryformeargentina · 22/10/2024 13:16

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 22/10/2024 12:30

At 25 this man is 9 years over the age of consent, it should be safe to let him make his own mind up about who he wants to have sex with. Anybody can potentially get hurt by any sexual relationship but I doubt that a guy who sizes up a slightly older woman and makes advances is in the most vulnerable category.

Exactly! I'm shocked by all the pearl clutching hypocrisy. Live and let others live their lives

DoraSpenlow · 22/10/2024 13:24

Admittedly I haven't RTFT but if it was a 35 year old man saying the same about a 25 year old woman would there be so many 'go for it' responses? Or would he be told he was a creep or sleazy for wanting sex with a 10 year younger woman?

Witchcraftandhokum · 22/10/2024 13:26

Climb him like a tree.

Negroany · 22/10/2024 14:00

TheSnugHare · 22/10/2024 01:45

It is correct though? Autism is a developmental disorder but it also comes with developmental delays and communication deficits. It also comes with a lack of understanding social cues and norms. The rate autistic people catch up depends on the individual. It is still a fact and it is not my fault that it’s that way.the snarky comment you’ve just weedled your way in there has just shown me that you’re angry. And anger means that you feel threatened and are afraid. Why don’t you be an adult and communicate how you really feel. Be civilised. This is derailing the thread so I am leaving because it better to leave than waste my time on people like you

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Autistic people are not "always behind non autistic people developmentally", that is incorrect. And a nasty, sweeping, statement.

It's stereotypes like these that damage autistic people. Of which you claim you are one. Perhaps do some more reading? When you've developmentally caught up, of course.

Crushed23 · 22/10/2024 14:07

DoraSpenlow · 22/10/2024 13:24

Admittedly I haven't RTFT but if it was a 35 year old man saying the same about a 25 year old woman would there be so many 'go for it' responses? Or would he be told he was a creep or sleazy for wanting sex with a 10 year younger woman?

The pearl clutching is ridiculous whichever round the genders are. But MN has always been shockingly anti age gap relationships.

Out in the real world, 35 year-olds are shagging 25 year-olds and indeed 45 year-olds, and no one bats an eyelid.

SpikeyHousePlant · 22/10/2024 14:07

Be Warned OP

I did this after a year of divorce. He was 23 I was 33….

8 Years later we are married with a 4yr old and he’s an amazing stepdad to my older 2.
😃

BIossomtoes · 22/10/2024 14:10

I remember thinking that I was mature at 25, but looking back, I definitely wasn't!

I had to be. I was the single mother of a four year old when I was 25.

CheeseWisely · 22/10/2024 14:27

For example, a 25 year old who goes out parting every weekend is completely normal.
A 35 year old who goes out parting every weekend is a bit of a sad act who needs to get their life together.

@Bondii These were your actual words. No mention of pre-drinking and going straight out. Not even any mention of nightclubs. Just 'partying' as if having a good time at all is the reserve of those 29 and younger, and by the great age of 30 we should all be sat safely at home watching Strictly and waiting to die.

Bondii · 22/10/2024 14:35

CheeseWisely · 22/10/2024 14:27

For example, a 25 year old who goes out parting every weekend is completely normal.
A 35 year old who goes out parting every weekend is a bit of a sad act who needs to get their life together.

@Bondii These were your actual words. No mention of pre-drinking and going straight out. Not even any mention of nightclubs. Just 'partying' as if having a good time at all is the reserve of those 29 and younger, and by the great age of 30 we should all be sat safely at home watching Strictly and waiting to die.

Fair, that's what I meant though.

ShinyPebble32 · 22/10/2024 14:46

Bloody hell, people are saying no? I’m 39 and would if could!
it’s a shag, not marriage!! Go and have fun OP, enjoy!

Maddy70 · 22/10/2024 14:48

Use condoms and go for it

Spreadtheluv · 22/10/2024 15:03

Maddy70 · 22/10/2024 14:48

Use condoms and go for it

And don't worry if they burst or fall off (and they do) you'll only end up pregnant or with a potential STD. Whats not to like 🙄

BIossomtoes · 22/10/2024 15:25

Spreadtheluv · 22/10/2024 15:03

And don't worry if they burst or fall off (and they do) you'll only end up pregnant or with a potential STD. Whats not to like 🙄

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What’s that got to do with the subject of the thread?

SwingTheMonkey · 22/10/2024 15:26

Spreadtheluv · 22/10/2024 15:03

And don't worry if they burst or fall off (and they do) you'll only end up pregnant or with a potential STD. Whats not to like 🙄

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For goodness sake. Some people are only happy having sex with someone they are in a long term relationship with. Some are happy having casual sex with people they aren’t in a relationship with. There’s nothing wrong with either of those types of people.

The judgement from some is really unpleasant.

loropianalover · 22/10/2024 15:35

Spreadtheluv · 22/10/2024 15:03

And don't worry if they burst or fall off (and they do) you'll only end up pregnant or with a potential STD. Whats not to like 🙄

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You must be having mad sex with young 25 year olds for all your condoms to burst and fall off - yeehaw Spreadtheluv!!!

SassK · 22/10/2024 15:43

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

There's fuck all spiteful about saying I'd be insulted if some random guy approached me and essentially said he didn't want to date me, but he WOULD shag me.
If you'd be flattered by that kind of approach then own it, don't be insulting other women who wouldn't be.

Hunglikeapolevaulter · 22/10/2024 15:44

If you'd be flattered by that kind of approach then own it, don't be insulting other women who wouldn't be.

That's a totally made up scenerio though, made up by you to put the most demeaning possible spin on the OPs situation. So yes, spiteful.

SassK · 22/10/2024 15:48

Hunglikeapolevaulter · 22/10/2024 15:44

If you'd be flattered by that kind of approach then own it, don't be insulting other women who wouldn't be.

That's a totally made up scenerio though, made up by you to put the most demeaning possible spin on the OPs situation. So yes, spiteful.

Did you actually read the OP?

"From his messages, I get the impression he's only after one thing."

Politely, please do one 🙂

SwingTheMonkey · 22/10/2024 16:07

SassK · 22/10/2024 15:43

There's fuck all spiteful about saying I'd be insulted if some random guy approached me and essentially said he didn't want to date me, but he WOULD shag me.
If you'd be flattered by that kind of approach then own it, don't be insulting other women who wouldn't be.

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How on earth have you been insulted?!

It was a spiteful comment. If you’re not comfortable having a casual hook up with someone who finds you attractive but doesn’t want a relationship (and you feel the same), then don’t. But there’s nothing wrong with those who do. There’s nasty judgement oozing from you.