Should I shag the 25 year old

[NotmyrealNC]

NC for obvious reasons.

Long story short, I'm 6 months out of an abusive marriage. Not in any way ready to date or for a relationship, I'm still far too hurt to even contemplate that. But I do miss sex.

Last week, a guy randomly approached me and gave me his number. We've chatted a bit, it turns out he's 10 years younger than me. From his messages, I get the impression he's only after one thing.

I'm really, really tempted. I could really do with a good shag. But I'm also worried it could go horribly wrong and leave me feeling terrible. So, please help me decide. WIBU to shag the 25 year old?!

Yeah sorry, anybody above 30 who still acts like that needs to grow up. It's not the norm and it's a pretty grim way to live tbh.

Absolutely. You are right. But that doesn’t mean that someone older shouldn’t check themselves to ensure they are not being exploitative. It’s not absolutes. It’s shades of grey and much better to do a self check and a double think than unwittingly unduly influence someone younger than you at their cost. The same would be true of getting into a relationship with a vulnerable 40 year old. Yes they could choose but do their vulnerabilities make it harder for them to choose wisely leaving them open to exploitation. For the record though I think the OP should go for it if she is sure that they both are clear on the parameters and she minimises risk to herself.

@Bondii Fucking hell. If you genuinely think life should be all slippers and crochet and bed by 9pm at 35 it's going to be a very long & boring road to old age for you.

Having done this in the past, no I wouldn't. It didn't make me feel better, it made me feel worse, and somehow dirty, to be having casual sex when I was still raw after a breakup.

(Don't get me wrong, casual sex is fine - just under these circumstances it did not make me feel good).

Where did I say it is fine? I said there is nothing weird about finding another adult attractive.

I wouldn't be so much worried about his age, so much as him being dangerous! HE targetted YOU in a public place.He could have been out of prison that day for rape, murder, identity theft.....anything, and your pkanning on going somewhere private with him.
Ypu are crazy!

I didn't say that , but come on. Nightclubs still in your 30's? That's pathetic. I don't know a single person who still behaves like that past your party days. People grow up, they settle down. The OP is divorced so I think it's safe to assume she should be past that stage.

We're talking about having sex with them though.

@Bondii you sound like a judgmental bore. Don't go up north where women go clubbing with their daughters! It's apparently part of the culture there.

Grim.

Yeah sorry, anybody above 30 who still acts like that needs to grow up. It's not the norm and it's a pretty grim way to live tbh.

You're being silly now. I had a big partying spell in my early thirties, it wasn't "grim", it was fun.

You sound quite sheltered if you're that upset by anyone living differently, and making different choices to you. It's not your problem or your business though.

Don't go up north where women go clubbing with their daughters! It's apparently part of the culture there.

Her head would definitely explode if she went to an alternative night as well. The age range must be about 45 years!

Sheltered? 🤣 I've lived the least sheltered life you can imagine. There comes a time where people grow up.

Sheltered? 🤣 I've lived the least sheltered life you can imagine. There comes a time where people grow up.

And when you finally do, I'm sure you'll be less judgemental.

Go for it! You deserve to have some fun

My comparison was a 25 year old partying every weekend and a 35 year old partying every weekend.

The mentality behind the difference in ages.

I said nothing about never going out, or about having to sit in and crochet. But people do generally tend to grow up and have more mature nights out, dinner and wine etc, than a nightclub every weekend like you do in your 20's. It's a very different lifestyle for the majority.

They absolutely can. I’m not saying otherwise. I’m saying that, for me, it’s the responsibility of the older person in that scenario to just double check themselves. And I’m not saying a 24 year old can’t decide for themselves, at all. Of course they can!!

It’s not black and white. It’s shades of grey. It’s just important, I think, to recognise that there might be a risk of exploitation or unwitting undue influence and so it’s on the older person in the scenario, to double check themselves and not just assume a parity.

There may well be parity of course. In fact plenty of people in their early 20s that I know are more switched on and mature than my 75 year old FIL!!

I do know however that the brain is still developing in our early 20s so it is a point at which we may be more easily influenced as our amygdala is more active than our frontal cortex (over simplified) and gradually they wire up and the amygdala calms down. There is loads more to it including how the reward system operates and how the brain processes relational and emotional stuff. Plus risk taking.

Gradually between puberty and early 20s it all wires up and things shift but there is a lot of individual difference and environmental influence so there are no hard and fast rules. Just something for the older person in the scenario to consider and check themselves about.

Just to add, I grew up in Benidorm. I've been part of the younger crowd clubbing along side the older ones. If it's part of your regular lifestyle at that age, it doesn't look right. Call me judgemental, but I think most adults would agree.

I was in a similar situation in my early 30s.

Reader, I shagged him. More than once. We had a fab time! Life has moved on, I remarried (not to him) and things are great all round.

So, yeah, do it.

Just to add, I grew up in Benidorm. I've been part of the younger crowd clubbing along side the older ones. If it's part of your regular lifestyle at that age, it doesn't look right

I've never been clubbing in Benidorm so I can't comment.
Alternative scene, a very mixed age group is the norm though.

Again, I dont think it is an age or maturity thing really. Most people don't recognise bad people or situations until they go through them themselves. MN is full of threads by fully grown women in shit situations with shit men because its either the first time it has happened to them or because they never learned after the previous time(s).

It isn't anymore easier to manipulate a nieve 24 year old than it is to manipulate a nieve 35 year old. And by nieve I mean they haven't experienced that particular shade of manipulation.

Aging in and of itself isn't what makes you more mature. Aging just gives you time to gain experience. It's these experiences that make you learn and change.

My friend is 10 years older than her husband. They met when she was 35 and he was 25. Not saying you’re going to get married but know that it’s not a ridiculous age difference. Just be careful and enjoy it for what it is!

Ahhh okay, and what's your stance on an older man sleeping with an 18 year old girl?
Because from what I've seen on MN, there isn't a single woman here that would agree with that.

You can't reverse it because it doesn't work like that. There is a power imbalance in favour of men. I'm sure you realise this.

But people do generally tend to grow up and have more mature nights out, dinner and wine etc, than a nightclub

And pray tell why can't they do both @Bondii?

That's what we did through my 20s and 30s. The restaurants and clubs just got better / more expensive as the years went by, salaries increased etc.

I think you're basing your experience on your experience and where you live and know, but where I am (finance hub, lot of money floating about, expensive part of the world) it's entirely normal for people in their 20s, 30s and (heaven forfend) even 40s to have a restaurant dinner on a Saturday night and then end up in a club.

100% go for it. I did similar when my first marriage ended. I recognised it was just a shag, no issues after.