Should I shag the 25 year old

[NotmyrealNC]

NC for obvious reasons.

Long story short, I'm 6 months out of an abusive marriage. Not in any way ready to date or for a relationship, I'm still far too hurt to even contemplate that. But I do miss sex.

Last week, a guy randomly approached me and gave me his number. We've chatted a bit, it turns out he's 10 years younger than me. From his messages, I get the impression he's only after one thing.

I'm really, really tempted. I could really do with a good shag. But I'm also worried it could go horribly wrong and leave me feeling terrible. So, please help me decide. WIBU to shag the 25 year old?!

Not ‘underdeveloped’ - still developing. Fact.

The pre frontal cortex is the last bit of the brain to fully finish its development. And the wiring up between it and the lower parts of the brain happens between puberty and 25.

So 25 is the extreme outlier, but for me, it means that under 25 - if you are older, you give it extra thought and make sure you are not being in any way exploitative.

It’s not an absolute cut off and there is lots of individual difference and environmental influence, but it is fact that the human brain is still undergoing its transition to adulthood in the early 20s.

It doesn’t mean you are not functioning well enough to hold down a responsible job, start a family etc. it just means that someone older should think twice to ensure they are not influencing unduly IMO.

25 and 35 is absolutely fine, a proper relationship could be tricky with those ages but a casual relationship would be fine. Everybody is old enough to consent and fully grown adults.

So go for it if you feel you can handle casual sex, use protection and have fun.

I don't know why people are judging OP as some kind of harlot out to prey on children/steal people's boyfriends/baby trap a man. It's ludicrous.

I'm 38 and I would definitely go 10 years either side for casual fun if I found the man attractive. An actual commited relationship probably not purely because we would be at very different life stages. I definitely wouldn't go for someone 20 because that is too young.

Meet the guy for a drink and go from there, don't pressure yourself and be ready to leave if you don't want to go through with anything.

I'd be more inclined to call it 'exploiting' as opposed to 'influencing' That's not to say a 25 year old man isn't capapable of being abusive towards a woman who has agreed to having sex with a total stranger. It definitely makes it far more likely.

Damn. I was 24 when my husband was 30. Guess we messed up.

There is such a double standard for men and women. At 25 I was a complete adult. At 26 I had my first DC. I wouldn't have impressed by my colleagues in their 30s treating me like a child, and had many friends (especially mum friends) in their 30s and 40s.

Just remembered, when I'd split from my long term partner at 33 I was pursued by a very attractive 23 year old guy, not just for sex, he was in love with me. The only reason I didn't go for it was that I was already in love with someone else.

The partner I'd split up from was 9 years older than me, I'd been 25 and him 34 when we got together.

These were both such non events in terms of age gaps that despite discussing this last night it literally didn't register.

My former flatmate got together with a woman 17 years his senior when he was doing his PhD, that caused some waves at the time but they're still married many years later.

People need to wind their necks in and stop judging. Grown adults (yes even younger ones) can make up their own minds, especially if you're actually parented them with a view to becoming functional members of society and not mollycoddling them into perpetual kidulthood.

But why? If 24 year olds can hold down jobs and start a families, why can they not decide for themselves if the want to sleep with 35 year olds? It's a bit patronising.

The pre frontal cortex is the last bit of the brain to fully finish its development. And the wiring up between it and the lower parts of the brain happens between puberty and 25.

Seriously, this "brain matures at 25" thing needs to die. It's such a massive oversimplification, and varies hugely from person to person, and our brains don't ever "finish developing", you'd be fucked for learning any new information post 25 if that was the case.

https://slate.com/technology/2022/11/brain-development-25-year-old-mature-myth.html

https://www.sciencefocus.com/comment/brain-myth-25-development

https://www.iflscience.com/does-the-brain-really-mature-at-the-age-of-25-68979

Honestly it's wild that people have used the badly-reported, misunderstood results of one study to attempt to police the sex lives of other adults.

But why? If 24 year olds can hold down jobs and start a families, why can they not decide for themselves if the want to sleep with 35 year olds? It's a bit patronising.

Because people are weird about sex.

Looks like a kid to me

Just no.

What by not fancying kids? You thought it was acceptable to marry someone nearly half your age, I'd say that's strange.

And a win win for the OP who is missing sex

Two consenting adults can literally just have sex. No strings. No emotion. Sometimes it can be good sex, sometimes it can be bad sex.

As long as sex is safe I really don't see the issue.

Doesn't look like he can even grow any facial hair
Honestly wtf 🤯

I vote DO IT!
As long as you truly see this liaison as completely consensual and no strings attached, go and have some fun.

I think about when I was 24 with a full-time job, mortgage, and raising a disabled brother. I would have been quite insulted to be told I was too young to know my own mind and make decisions about my sex life.

Manipulative people manipulate people of all ages because they are manipulative. Nothing special happens at 25, where you suddenly become immune to that.

Yes!!

This guy has made it plain all he wants is sex so is being honest in stating what he wants . Sex . Women have a choice they can either say yes or no .

@BlueMum16

Correct 👍

It's not even about what you're capable of. It's about how much people change and mature between those ages.
For example, a 25 year old who goes out parting every weekend is completely normal.
A 35 year old who goes out parting every weekend is a bit of a sad act who needs to get their life together.

To find a 25 year old attractive enough to want to sleep with at 35 years old and actually ACT on it, it's not right.

@Bondii

Eh? I know plenty of 35 year olds in good careers, stable relationships, own their own homes, go out partying every weekend, because they either don't have children yet or don't want them at all. 1 example, high flying finance career, just done an MBA abroad and moved to another major city with her Husband. Living her best life.

On what basis are they sad acts and need to get their lives together? What should they be doing instead? Sitting by the fire knitting? Baking cakes for the WI?

I agree that influencing and exploiting are two sides of the same coin. Influencing to have sex - exploiting. Influencing to go to the GP due to a health niggle that could be serious because you have that extra life experience to know this, wouldn’t be exploitation.

Lol whaaat. The reason most 35 year olds don't go out is because they don't. They either have responsibilities or they're just not interested in it. But those that want to do. It hasn't nothing to do with needing to get their life together.

Attraction is about looks, not age. There is nothing weird about finding another adult attractive.

Attraction is about looks, not age. There is nothing weird about finding another adult attractive.

Ahhh okay, and what's your stance on an older man sleeping with an 18 year old girl?
Because from what I've seen on MN, there isn't a single woman here that would agree with that.

But according to you, it's fine, because she's legally an adult?

One thing you do need to be careful about with younger guys is that some of them expect women to act like porn stars.