To ask if people hate you because you’re “real?”

[ByPithyRoseReader]

I’ve always prided myself on being honest and straightforward, and I’ve noticed that some people seem to have a problem with it. It feels like the more authentic I am, the more tension it creates with certain people. I don’t go out of my way to be rude, but I won’t sugarcoat things either.

AIBU to think that some people just don’t like it when others are real with them? Have you ever felt that being genuine makes people uncomfortable or even causes them to dislike you? Is this a common thing, or is it just me?

They say if you don't have some thing good to say, its better to stay quiet. Some times its better to pass the buck, and let some one else answer it.

People use being real as a way to be cruel and get away with it

You know full well if what your saying is hurtful to someone op

I OP are possibly like you. I think a directness is better than beating about the bush. Examples, friend tries a dress on, "no it looks unflattering, I think you would look better in a x cut/style". This prevents your friend from looking dreadful and being slated behind her back. Work are we going to achieve this deliverable? No because of XYZ not being aligned. Therefore situations can be amended to meet the ultimate goal. I have been taken to task for being short, but I argue No I am being straight. Problem is OP some people take honesty as being unkind. My belief is that honesty is easier to deal with or sugar coating and untruths that come back to bote you on the arse. Keep it real.

You have to decide whether your principles are more important than friendship, I guess? You’ve admitted that people don’t seem to like your approach of ‘not sugar coating’, and if you’re ok with potentially upsetting people going forwards, then you should carry on as you are. If alienating people is something you don’t want to happen however, you need to be more mindful of what you say, and how you say it.

@ByPithyRoseReader, I think you are a common denominator person. You go round blissfully unaware as you give your (totally unasked and uncalled for) opinion on others' shortcomings and wonder why everyone gets upset and starts avoiding you. After all, you were only being honest so it's everyone else who has the problem and it happens time and again. There must be a common denominator in all this. It's time for you to take on board the excellent advice you have been given here and act on it.

There’s two types of ‘say it how it is people’

people who do just say it as it is without having to announce they’re one of those people

people who pride themselves on ‘saying it as it is’ no my dear you’re just rude

I wouldn’t take pride in being real. In a civilised society we balance the need for honesty with the need to consider the effects of our words on others.
Obv. If you are autistic, it might be harder to see how being direct affects others, but generally speaking, being real can equate to being thoughtless.

ByPithyRoseReader

I am not going to read all the posts here but OP I think you and me would get on well!! :)

It's really hard to say without context and depends if I want your opinion or not. My mom kept repeating her unsolicited opinion regarding a situation with my kid and I was furious. But this was partly bc she kept saying the same thing over and over in an inarticulate way and I didn't want to hear it.

Otherwise if you're someone I respect I'll probably be glad to hear your opinion, but obviously unwanted opinions aren't always going to go over well for everyone.

I like this

Similarly, people who say they don’t suffer fools are just mean, in my opinion.

THIS! ^ I have never met a nice, kind 'tell it like it is' person. They're always nasty, spiteful, and unkind. What baffles me is why they think anyone gives a shit about their coarse opinions.

Awww how sweet. Maybe you can private message the OP. You can be best buddies.

Sugar coating is just a part of being polite.

I prefer more charm tbh😄

If you 'don't believe in sugar coating things just to avoid conflict', then don't be surprised if you find yourself in conflict. This is obvious, no?

I think people's upset reactions to you being "honest and genuine" are honest and genuine in themselves. So now who isn't reacting well to people being genuine?

If you cannot say something nice, don't say anything at all
Less said soonest mended
Discretion is the better part of valour
Speech is silver but silence is golden

Haha, maybe not for long.

OP can dish it out but can she take it?

There's a saying about honey and vinegar which applies here. Something about attracting more flies with honey?

This!!! A million times, this.

Being yourself can be a good thing - people can sense a fake and don’t like it - but that’s not the same as being rude.

Theres no excuse to be rude or insulting to people and to my mind that’s different to being “real”.

This is exactly that. One person's truth is another's bullying. One person's truth is only a fraction of the picture. Most people have the brains to realise that.
My truth is that John is a poorly performing employee - (half the workers are better than he is). John's truth is that he is doing well - better than 50% of the workforce.
The argument is just silly - OP will either find her communication style effective or not. If people don't like what she says or how she says it it's arrogant to assume that the reason is that they don't like the "truth".

Being tactful isn't sugarcoating things though. And if you have found that your "realness" has upset multiple people that very much suggests it's your manner that's the issue not them.

They are often the fools in fact. Especially on things like social media.