Is DD weird?

[pastaalover]

My DD who is 13 has been told she is weird by her friends because she showers every 2 days. Compared to her friends showering once some nearly twice a day. They said that she should shower once a day because she is dirty if she doesn't. Naturally this has made her upset and she doesn't want to go to school as she is scared of what they may say. I want to know if she is weird or her friends are being unreasonable.

She's not weird at all. However - and I mean this kindly - she needs to learn when it's appropriate to share something and when to keep it to herself.
That was something personal that the others really didn't need to know.

I think it varies how often people need to shower but I would definitely get her another shirt and look at bar soap for under arms as it's so much better

Personally I shower every other day which works well for me but I REALLY shower - bar soap and wash everything from ears to in between toes, back brush and also use a bidet
Hair is twice a week

I think her friends are being mean but do have a point.

Personally I would be encouraging my DD to be showering everyday. I assume she has periods? Really not very hygienic not to shower every day whilst on your period. Also teenagers have a smell about them - my DS started getting his teenage smell around 12 and that's when I started encouraging him to shower daily. Also unwashed hair can smell horrible!

And yet washing your hands when cooking wasn't even a considered thing until the 50s when mass produced chicken became a major food source after WW2 and the salmonella numbers spiked and still isn't really a thing in some countries.

OP daughter still uses scented oils and hygiene products thats not the same as daily showering.

Soaps have been around for a long time but not inherantly for personal scrubbing, they where used in the cleaning of pots, pans, linens not for having 'because your worth it' hair.

Public baths where NEVER a daily thing too.

I mean it isn’t a rule but personally I do and would want my partner and son to. If you don’t shower or bathe daily do you at least wash your arm pits and bits with soap and water?!

Why not get her one more shirt?

I'm British but have Scandinavian heritage (family)) and I think It is inherently the case that washing and cleanliness is important for public health, sanitation reasons. Your post suggests it wasn't that important in the past but my Grandma and Mum were quite persistent about it, they definitely weren't motivated by vanity. You have a Danish shower and don't waste much water. Equally, for hygiene reasons you are expected to shower naked before swimming as there is not as much chlorine in the pools. It is social responsibility to reduce illnesses and infections. So I don't see this as a competitive thing.

Teenagers smell. Believe me, if you have ever taught a room of them after they've had games you would know this.
I noticed this change of smell in myself again during menopause. I guess it must be the hormones.
A teenage boy who only showers three times a week and doesn't have clean clothes must absolutely reek. And it's neglectful

Some people notice & some don’t. Used to work with a woman who would frequently come to work 2days in a row wearing same clothes, sometimes w same stain from previous lunch, and really not fresh looking but extra strong perfume .
Everyone talked about this behind her back - did she spend sexy night somewhere, sleep in her clothes? Just pick up what was on the floor?
I bravely mentioned it to her and she just laughed —- saying “you’re silly no one notices things like that!!”
Literally, everyone noticed. Personally, if I’m going to be topic of conversation, prefer it not be about my hygiene and dirty blouse.

People SEE and Smelll the people around them,

Interesting I knew someone that wore the same office clothes two days in a row but it was so she didn't give to think about outfits.

Some people bloody reek and do need to shower three times a day (most MN users) but not everyone does. Your daughter is not a weirdo. Her friends don't sound great though.

How would people even know?

While these threads make me despair a little, it’s what I love about MN - so fascinating to hear what other people think and how they live their lives. Honestly to me this is mental and I can’t imagine living with people who think like this. And you would think the same about me I am sure! I also can’t imagine anyone I know thinking like this, but who knows as I’ve never asked. It’s only on a forum like this we learn these things, and it’s just informative. I don’t need to change and neither do you (as long as we don’t want to sleep together of course ).

I read the study.

I also have a working nose, and teens do smell - 'yes' to musky, goaty, like urine, cheese, strong sandalwood. I can't think of a worse stench than a room full of unwashed teens, whether boys or girls. Maybe a barn full of goats.

There are some questionable threads around at the moment.

I'm not going to share my teenage daughter's showering habits, OP, but maybe you have enough replies now anyway.

When we were teens there was a conversation about how people had showers before bed and used deodorant. I must have looked confused because someone jumped on it and said oh my god when do you shower? And I said sometimes in the morning, sometimes just after school. There were loads of ‘really?’s’ and I felt like crap and started doing that for a while. Terrible how people can get into your head!

I've always showered every other day, with the exception of if I'm on my period or after exercise.

She's totally normal.

Kids are cruel and fitting in is always a priority for them. I would simply tell her thousands of people wash every other day and in many other countries it's less than that. But if she wants to shower everyday, it's only a quick one (no hair) on the alternate days to save water as otherwise it's bad for the environment. She can then relay that if the little darlings continue to go on about it. The environment isn't going to make itself sustainable, people have to make change.

She should have a flannel wash in between showers so she isn't putting new deodorant on top of old deodorant. This will also make her smell, using wet wipes after the loo will keep her fresh.

Why are they discussing washing habits? Can’t say I’ve ever given a rats ass about who washes when 🤷🏼‍♀️