Is DD weird?

[pastaalover]

My DD who is 13 has been told she is weird by her friends because she showers every 2 days. Compared to her friends showering once some nearly twice a day. They said that she should shower once a day because she is dirty if she doesn't. Naturally this has made her upset and she doesn't want to go to school as she is scared of what they may say. I want to know if she is weird or her friends are being unreasonable.

Those who shower daily. Imagine bow you would feel if we all said 'urgh you must be really smelly and sweaty to need shower daily, do you have a sweat issue?'
It wouldnt feel very nice would it? Because its not disgusting, its just that everyone sweats differently and has differing body odour and has a personal preference for their shower frequency.

Your way isnt the only right way.

My dh doesn't smell of bo ever. He just doesn't smell. Nor does dc3. Some people don't.

Mine showers once a day and I know that if kids let on that they don't shower every day, the others will call them scruffy etc. I'm in my 30s and it was the same when I was in school it's not a new thint

I strongly suspect DD's school refusal is an attempt to get her mum to allow her to shower and have a clean shirt more frequently, and the friends might not actually have been that awful.

I don't know who she is as in, I have heard of her name but that's it and I don't use Instagram and tiktok. I don't think I'd fair well with the tips as I have a tendency to over focus.

Exactly what I was going to say.

Her friends might not have said anything but DD might want to shower more often.

I should as add, my DH is more likely to be a competitive cleaner as he is an Architect and appreciates a clean, minimalist aesthetic and notices these things!

About 30 years ago my friends and I told a classmate that she smelt. She really did smell, it was very strong. People talked about her behind her back and laughed at her. It took us a really long time to build the courage to tell her. We probably didn’t do it very well, but we really did mean well.

What are her friends like? Are they otherwise kind and well meaning? What was the context?

Why wouldn't the dd just have a shower every day if she wanted?

Fare not fair

Well maybe she would, but as mum's response has been to come here and have people tell her it's all good, rather than saying shower more frequently if you want to, maybe not.

I shower every second day unless there's a real reason to shower more frequently. Why waste water, power etc? I sit down most of the day, so its not like I'm in a physical job.
I also hang trousers / jeans up, and wear them 3-4 days, wash shirts, bras and tshirts every 2-3 wears. Change knickers and tights daily.

I started doing this 4-5 years ago, thinking about saving water and power. I don't think I smell!

Just tell her her to tell them that she showers every day.

Or just actually have a shower? People who don't shower regularly and think they don't smell are just surrounded by people too kind to say anything. It's gross to just keep topping up with deodorant and not wash. Babies and toddlers have delicate skin, but teens are raging with hormones and smell if they don't wash. I personally enjoy a shower at the end of the day. I like to wash off the day.

I definitely don't wash jeans every use and hoodies etc but tops that touch the armpits pretty much get thrown in the wash on a daily basis if we have been out. My teens walk loads though so I would say that's pretty physical.

I know someone who puts their jeans on the freezer as apparently has the same impact.

This just isn't true. Lots of people don't stink. Dirty clothes are more likely to make people pong.

My dcs have always had a shower whenever they felt like it.

Assuming school refusal because she wants an extra shower but doesn't feel she's allowed to have one is particularly mumsnet convoluted logic.

I think showering at least once a day without fail is just fine.

I shower every day bc I feel dirty if I don't but it isn't good for my skin.

She is doing the right thing.

My kids from age 5 showered every day..I often shower twice a day if at gym etc my son who us 13 showers every day and again after football..every second day is a bit gross tbh

I don’t think she is weird (as long as she doesn’t need to be washing more often) but I think it’s always easier to fit in with the crowd with something like that because it’s now made her a target for bullies and is likely to get worse.

You're the parent of the kid we can tell had a lesson in a room in P1 after lunch. By summer, we'll be able to track him across the school from a distance of 20 foot-plus.

I know Mums are sometimes taken the piss out of for thinking their sons' shit doesn't stink, but in your kid's case, it's the whole of him.

How do you know? Maybe he's a kid that you've never noticed smelling.

You don't sound very nice anyway.

I smell nice, though. As do 99% of teenagers these days.

My husband is like this - literally never smells but still showers daily because it just feels a bit gross not to!
Whilst mean, I do wonder if these girls are trying to let DD know that she smells a bit? A quick shower and clean shirt every day seems perfectly reasonable to make sure she’s fresh.