Is DD weird?

[pastaalover]

My DD who is 13 has been told she is weird by her friends because she showers every 2 days. Compared to her friends showering once some nearly twice a day. They said that she should shower once a day because she is dirty if she doesn't. Naturally this has made her upset and she doesn't want to go to school as she is scared of what they may say. I want to know if she is weird or her friends are being unreasonable.

Why?
There is no need if she doesnt smell bad and isnt dirty. And they wont know if she doesnt tell them.
I have only showered every 2nd or 3rd day for all my adult life. I dont smell unwashed.

Yes, I suspect if we teletransported ourselves back 70/80 years to a class of 13 year olds the smell would be very noticeable.

Don't get me wrong, I think they were rude to mention it but having teens that appear to be in the bathroom for quite a length of time it isn't shocking to me that they remarked on it.

They've obviously had a conversation and their parents have probably been on at them to have a shower everyday.

A bit like on MN when people talk about changing their bed sheets twice a week and others do it once a month. It's just a difference and we don't tend to think of people being different to us.

I'd be more more concerned about her default reaction being to miss school rather than just take an extra shower. A refresh shower takes 4 minutes (we have a timer) she could be in and out, then it's just time to dry her hair if she has long hair or use a shower cap. Obviously a faff shower where you are exfoliating / shaving / moisturising takes longer but a quick soap up doesn't.

Obviously I can only speak of my own experience but I know that if I haven't had a good wash between my legs and under my arms, at least, every morning, I will smell. Probably worse during puberty than it is now.

What does she do in terms of washing on the days without a shower?

No that's absolutely fine.

Buy a couple more shirts they cost nothing and the pressure is off you washing etc. clean shirt every day and shower every day! Happy days.

Why doesn't she have a shower every day?

I personally bath daily but I have heard that it's better not to wash daily for the skin microbiome. Maybe look up some videos on the topic and share them with her. Although it does look like a lot of make up and skin care companies have hijacked the term now so you may need to dig to find the real videos.

When I was a teen it was a wash every day and a bath once a week. We must have ponged!!

No one needs t shower every day unless very active / certain jobs

It's better for your skin not to be using all the body washes daily

The question really is - why do so many people feel the need to shower every day?
Why are people so judgemental against those who don't ?

Why don't you buy her another shirt? I wouldn't want to wear a dirty shirt.

The answer is for her to start to shower every day. She is probably a bit whiffy on the Friday when she has to wear a dirty shirt, so buy another one or do a wash midweek. Some pubertal girls can be really smelly and these days that's quite unusual so possibly that's why the friends have said something. She can tell them she's started showering every day, hopefully that will shut them up.
For posters saying people didn't smell decades ago when they didn't shower every day, actually they did. I grew up in the 70s and in my family we all had daily bath or shower, on the rare occasion we didn't we had a proper wash at the sink, washing everywhere including feet. However at school( all girls) there were plenty with really greasy hair and who did have bad BO, which you rarely see these days, and there were always people on buses and trains who smelled. There were a lot of men at that time who still thought wearing deodorant was" poncey" so they absolutely honked too.

If a 2 day old shirt is OK on Fridays, why does she need a clean one the other 4 days?

Would her shirt really be dirty after a day in school?
I mean what is it about exactly one day that makes something dirty rather than half a day or 4 minutes ?

The reason she refuses school rather than have extra showers is that she is smart enough to know that she will always be the butt of those girls nastiness

I have an office job but still shower every day, I just feel dirty and unmotivated, it's mental outlook for me that is just different when I have showered. I don't always wash my hair, due to it being quite fuzzy and fly away if I do this but always shower. On the days I commute in can't stand to not shower after the dirty trains and underground.

No she's not wierd. Neither are they.
There's a massive range of answers to this because everyone is different.
It's definitely not dirty to shower every two days. However there will always be people out there horrified who shower every five minutes.
As long as she doesn't smell she's fine.
I only wash my hair once a week and I know people might think that's disgusting but if I did it more it would be like straw. Everyone's body is different.
I bath or shower most days. Occasionally I might skip a day if I'm not doing anything or going anywhere abd it's winter so I'm not sweaty.
I have 3 kids and they get bathed once a week. Old school! When they hit puberty I imagine they will want to be having a quick shower at least every other day.. that's what I would encourage. But if they want to shower every day that's fine. I'd be saying not to shower twice a day just coz there's 5 people in this house and one shower.

The stench was incredible even 20 years ago and at least part of the reason why most schools had compulsory showers after PE before that.

These days, because most people have access to showers and washing machines, it's going to stand out even more - and it does.

Her friends are trying to help her by saying it's weird, rather than 'You absolutely stink and you're wearing dirty clothes'.

I was literally about to say the same words. If it wasn't this it would be something else. I think I'd be probing a bit more about the type of things these girls say about others. You may not want your DD hanging round them and getting sucked in.

Wash some shirts midweek, don't be leaving her wearing the same shirt twice! It's possible they can smell her some days, teens sweat easily. Why has she even told them about her showing habits?

I think wearing an unwashed shirt to school is unusual - is there any reason why one can’t be washed, or another one purchased?

Re the showering, it doesn’t seem that odd to me. I’d think just starting to shower every day would be better than skipping school - or if she really can’t, she could just have a stand up wash on the other days and say “oh yes I do shower every day” - not like they’ll be watching.

I was at secondary school in the 90s and if P e was the last lesson you didn't have to shower, most of us didn't because of the high embarrassment factor but on the way home kids smelt, then throw in cigarette smoke, not me but some of my friends and it was gross.

And add in the reluctance to go to school. I wonder if there is more than meets the eye here and what is needed is not a discussion on hygiene and how people, apparently, stank in the 70s.

I would add though, not nice to say she is 'weird' , I have a teen DD though so I have heard about girls saying worse things than that. My DD has very thin legs and is skinny, her 'friend' makes comments all the time that are far from flattering!

How often has this actually come up? Is your daughter being called the dirty weirdo, or was it one conversation where the kids said "that's so weird, it's dirty not to shower every day" and then they moved on? I'm struggling to understand why the solution is to not go to school rather than just shower every day

She's not weird, but why does she need to tell them she only showers 3 times a week?
If they were all saying they shower every day, then common sense would tell her to keep quiet or lie.
It's normal for teens to say things that are different to the norm are weird.