Friend in trouble, police at my door.

[Playgroundincident]

My friends daughter is in year five mine is in year 4. My friend is an black, Muslim Zimbabwean woman daughter is also. Daughter has been receiving snipey racist abuse from a child in her class. Always where teachers can't hear and it's been going on for a couple of weeks. Daughter is a wonderful, sociable intelligent sporty kid an absolute pleasure to be around. Friend had been in to school at the beans thought it had been addressed however over the weekend it emerged that it hasn't and the child is still doing it, daughter hadn't said anything to her mum.
My friend was so upset, we walked in he dropped the kids off his morning, she said goodbye to he daughter then we watched the kids line up to go in. My friend and I stood in another part of the playground till she saw the boy who had been racist towards her daughter. She flew at him shouting all sorts of profanities, told him she was going to hit him, fucking kill him. The child was understandably frightened and the dad of another child stepped in and tried to calm the situation down. I grabbed her and took her out of the playground so the teachers could deal with the child. I've never seen he do this before she is not normally this way inclined but has a shit year with a husband who thinks she is there to serve him, left her for another woman, both parents died so her threshold is low at the moment. I sat with her in the car to calm her down. I told her I can't imagine how she is feeling he daughter being racially abused, told her I understood that she wanted to protect her but threatening to kill a 10 year old was not on. She's now annoyed at me asI didn't stick up for her.
An hour later the police have turned up at my door looking for her asking had I seen her, getting a witness statement because school have reported her. Friend has phoned me saying that she knows it was me who told the police and how she thought I would have her back and the year 4/5 WhatsApp has lit up with comments about how I should have done something slagging my friend and me off. For the record I don't agree with what she did but I've now got her and police to deal with. and now he child who made the racist comments mum threatening me. He whole thins is absolutely zero to do with me. I feel sorry for the children but any advice on how to navigate this would be much appreciated. Not sure whether to go for radio silence with everyone but police and school or say something on WhatsApp. My son is in he school and I don't want any fall out on him or my friends daughter either. Any suggestions appreciated.

Can we just clarify. OP didn’t threaten to kill a child. Her friend did.

I would make police aware of the threats to you by racist child's mum.

I would make school aware of the extent of the gossip and that you want an extra eye on your child as your seem to have been drawn into it.

During this meeting you can also make school aware and corroborate your friend's story of the extent of what's been happening.

She sounds like a loose cannon.
Threatening to kill a child, and needing calming down so she is ''safe to drive'' sounds like you should disassociate fast.

The fact she flies to violence makes me wonder if she physically punishes her child as well?

Too hot headed and volatile if the school felt it necessary to call the police?

Cool off and step right back from her.

Keep your own counsel.

MAYBE threats to kill a ten year old are too far? Just maybe?
I haven't seen anyone say the mum isn't justified in being upset and even furious at the bullying child and of course the school should have done what they said but there is no justifying an adult attacking a child nor blaming the person who has been trying to help you.

Lots of children are bullied for lots of reasons, bullying is despicable and can have a life long effect on victims but there's a reason we don't just set parents on kids. Apart from anything else what is that teaching her child -x isn't allowed to take out his feelings on you but it's fine for me to take out my feelings on x?

During this meeting you can also make school aware and corroborate your friend's story of the extent of what's been happening.

How can she do that?

Exactly as @oakleaffy has put.
Your description of She flew at him shouting all sorts of profanities, told him she was going to hit him, fucking kill him. is frightening enough to me as an adult never mind a child. And that's your description of it as her friend, I wonder how bad it actually was.

Exactly...What's the point?
It just creates more ''drama''.

I guess she also doesn't need to be friends with someone who not only put her in that situation in the first place but does something so stupid then falsely accuses her of reporting to the police when common sense will tell you that doing something like that on school grounds will result in the school calling the police.

Adios "friend"

Does she think making a statement confirming her friends behaviour was going to help her friend?

@FrequentNameChanger2024 yes I think her giving a balanced and accurate account to the police about what happened may well help her friend. Can you imagine what the child, and the child’s parent would have said? Plus there are likely to be quite a few other people who witnessed the incident so it’s hardly like the OP can assume that if she doesn’t give a statement the whole incident will be forgotten about.

Plus if you refuse to answer questions you could end up with a summons to attend court which won’t look good for the OP or her friend.

I don't think anyone thinks the mum was in the right, but I think she can be cut a little slack.

I would be wild with rage if my child was getting bullied.
Add on to that everything else that's been going on and I'm sure her mental health isn't the best, and she's emotionally wound so tight that she's just snapped.

The op has said that this is completely out of character, so I'm sure her friend will be beside herself when the reality of her actions hits her.

Why wouldn't they? I've taken loads of witness statements in my day. If a crime is committed the first step is to take witness statements. The op is obviously one of the key witnesses, I imagine they will also try and take statements from the dad that intervened, the child and any other parents who witnessed the whole thing.

Whoever reported it clearly knows who op is so how else would they get her statement than coming to her house? Its good practice to take a statement as soon as possible after the incident. And while OP could have refused most people have a civic responsibility to assist if they can which should override her responsibility to her friend. As long as she was truthful she isn't getting her friend in trouble, her friends own actions have already done that. It took place in the playground, there were enough witnesses that even if OP had refused the actual facts of what happened wouldn't be disputed, if anything op has helped her friend out by backing up the mitigating circumstances, which is the one thing none of the other witnesses will be able to provide.

@Gillbeck I'm not going to be attending any school meetings. I've got enough going on with my own kiddo and a full time job without that as well. I will speak with school of course.

This is why people don't intervene any more. The ignorant keyboard warriors on a school WhatsApp group, the mother who's gone nuclear because of other issues in her life.

To be fair, I wouldn't be friends with someone who made threats of violence and death to a 10 year old so I expect that consideration is out of the window for OP anyway.

@Playgroundincident This sounds awful for you. You must feel very stuck in the middle. You've had some great advice here so I won't add to it. Hopefully when people calm down they'll understand you did what you could in the circumstances and some of them will already understand that. There are always a few idiots who want to stir everyone else up - perhaps in this instance their friends of racist child's parents.

Don't dump your vulnerable, struggling single mother friend - she's having a shit enough time. She does owe you an apology when she calms down though.

She obviously shouldn't have done what she did - because unfortunately it'll likely make things harder for her child, not easier - but if I had a child who was being racially bullied and the school were turning a blind eye, I'd be pretty upset too. Screaming at a 10 year old is never the solution, but it's still frustrating that this will probably be used as cover for the racist bully and his equally awful parents; it's clear that the bully is a chip off the old block, seeing as the mum is also trying to bully the OP. A case of the apple not falling far from the tree.

I think I'd send friend a message saying I didn't report, and will speak to you in a few days once things have calmed down a bit. Then stick a blunt message on the Whatsapp group saying none of it was anything to do with you and threats will be reported to the police, then leave the group. If bully parents try and make life difficult, report them to police and school. Hopefully they won't but they're arseholes so who knows. Sorry you're going through this, it sounds shit.

Plenty of parents have had their child bullied, and don't go screaming into a playground with threats to kill.

That aggression is already there, it doesn't suddenly appear.

One can guarantee this is a ''default'' setting, to rage and scream.

One wonders what the daughter has to put up with at home.

The OP literally said the behaviour was out of character so why would you speculate that she abuses her own child? Bit of a stretch, isn't it? What is it about this woman that seems to have got under your skin?

'One' can't guarantee anything of the sort. What is your source for that 'guarantee' other than it being what you clearly want to believe, for whatever reasons?

There's some really excellent advice here, op. Hope things calm down for you x

Screaming and raging. Threats to kill.
Behaviour like this doesn't just ''appear''

It doesn't show a calm or rational person.

Often if a parent is volatile, the children in that family suffer.

Sounds like the parents are just as bad as the kids.

Reply to the WhatsApp group stating you couldn't predict what happens. You don't condone what your friend did but you also don't condone children being racists which obviously comes from their parenting.

Tell your friend you didn't report them, you understand how hard it must have been for her bit you are required by law to comply with their witness statement. Then tell the school all of this and block.and leave the whatsapp group.

I would not get involved as you don't know what the school have already done, perhaps the school did address it but it still continues. This is very common, I had this situation with one of my daughters, the bully continued in more subtle ways after a couple of weeks, and my daughter didn't come back to me immediately. You can't assume that the school wasn't addressing it, they usually take racial bullying very seriously as there are reporting requirements beyond their normal bullying policies. Or perhaps they didn't, Either way, I would take a huge step back and realise that all you have been told is your friend's account of everything and that is just one part of the story.

Again: the OP said the behaviour was out of character. I'm going with her analysis of the situation rather than some random person's off the internet.

Yeah let’s just remember that the child on the end of the attack is only 10 years old. They could be a year 5. Of course racist abuse is absolutely awful and needs strong consequences, but to be spouting racism at 10 years old I strongly suspect that the child has heard it from home or been allowed access to some seriously inappropriate online content.

The OPs friend should potentially have an issue with the school (depending on what they did/ didn’t do), any maybe the child’s parents. The 10 yr old sounds like they have been failed by their own parents and now been subjected to a pretty horrific attack in their own playground by someone else. If that happened at my school I’d want the police involved TBH.

I actually agree. If that was my friend I would have refused to say anything and give a statement. I have a child that has been bullied out of school, I can't say I always handled it gracefully but when your child has been persistently bullied to a point they're fearful of going to school and no one is helping sort the issue then you can be pushed to the brink.