To end our relationship because his situation has changed?

[heynowheynowdont]

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 8/9 months. We live an hour and a half apart so it’s generally been weekends when he doesn’t have his son (13) or longer when I’ve worked from his (or vice versa)

Basically his ex wife has now kicked the son out (long story) and my boyfriend has sole custody. This means we will never be alone again. My boyfriend will no longer be able to stay at mine, and he only has a one bedroom flat.

My boyfriend has started moaning as well saying how his life has been difficult since day 1 etc and it’s really unattractive the victim pitying he wants.

Aibu?

Op said her step son has asd and adhd, childrens disability social services can offer support for SEN children _ direct payments, support workers. That's what I was referring to.

I think people might if the man was not sounding all that committed to/in love with the mother concerned, and not keen on accommodating her child.

Given that you are not strongly wanting to make this work, I think ending it would be best, at least while he negotiates being a full time parent, possibly for the first time.
If you miss each other badly, you could get in touch again and see if there's a way of making your relationship work, perhaps by one of you moving closer to the other.

Find someone else who better suits what you envision for your life. Life is going to be difficult going from a child free lifestyle to, all of a sudden, having a teenager around 24/7. Wish him well and move on.

That's extremely hard to get and most parents never qualify for anything like that (tried for a very long time).

I think that if the relationship was that serious, you wouldn't be asking this.

I think you've already made your mind up.
Why would you saddle yourself with a moany new boyfriend and his sad son?
No shame in moving on.

The fact that you're even asking, gives you your answer. You're just not that into him. That's fine - move on, and let him move on too.

childrens disability social services can offer support for SEN children _ direct payments, support workers

Very, very, very rare

Being practical, drop him, move on!

Yes, I would advise a guy in the same way. The child has already been “rejected’ by one parent . The child needs to be secure in the knowledge that the other parent loves and wants him. The last thing that child needs is a step parent ( of any sex) who has doubts or wishes he wasn’t around so much etc . The child is a person too should come first in this situation, so yes I would say don’t get involved because i have the feeling this don’t end well for anyone especially the boy.

You are not unreasonable to end a relationship for any reason given you have no children together.
You are still at the stage of really getting to know each other and from your posts you don’t like enough of what you see as you are having doubts.
Bow out gracefully.

If you moved into his one bedroom flat, where was his son going to stay when he visited his dad?

This isn't going to work. He hasn't got the time or space to accommodate you and you aren't prepared to do all the travelling. YANBU to consider moving on.

You both sound quite selfish.

Poor child.

“Don't fall into the trap of becoming a nanny with a fanny.” 😂😂😂😂😂

What do you actually see in this man? He is hardly a catch. You are young with your life ahead of you - find someone fun and single to build an uncomplicated life with.

YANBU. You have the right to not want to go down that road.

The way you speak about him doesn’t make me feel as though you are head over heels in love with him. I understand it’s been eight or nine months but I kind of get the feeling that it’s not the most amazing relationship you could ever have and given the hurdles that are now in place, I do feel that you will regret putting your life on hold and trying to navigate this situation. It’s nobody‘s fault and of course you have every right to want more than he will be able to give so in this situation I think I would cut him loose. Best of luck

You obviously do not love him, so do him a favour and set him free.

Exactly.

You obviously don’t love your partner.

I mean I don’t know you or what you feel but I’m going to make accusations based on my opinion of what a stranger feels.

Elaborate on how I’m selfish towards his son?

His son doesn’t sleep in his dad’s bedroom whether I’m there or not.

It’s not about not wanting him around. It’s about two adults and a teen living together in a one bedroom flat, it’s about me and him not knowing each other that well and suddenly we’re in a situation where we live together. It’s about him going through a difficult period without needing this.

For all those that think I’m a selfish bitch that wants to send a child away - you couldn’t be more wrong. I ended the relationship because his dads attention and priority needed to be him 100% right now, that forcing an unnatural living situation wouldn’t be beneficial to him.

Then why post. Hit a nerve obviously.