I have read all your posts now OP and I think you need to wake up and stop looking for someone to give you a reason to stay with this man - I suspect that’s what you are looking for because if not then why keep posting?
You have been in a long term relationship almost all your adult life and have insecurities so don’t want to be on your own and need the validation from someone else. This is understandable but if you continue with this relationship then you aren’t going to get that validation and instead you will just feed your insecurities, I can see this having the potential to absolutely destroy your life, this isn’t fair on your teenage son is it?
I have been in an abusive relationship, It started when I was 19 and the man was 7 years older then me which sounds like your partners previous relationships, some men like a younger naive woman because they are more likely to fall for the bullshit as they know no better.
My relationship started similar to yours, I had deep insecurities and was suffering with an eating disorder, my ex boyfriend gave me constant compliments and we had great sexual chemistry which blinded me to any red flags.
My ex did similar to your partner, he took me for a break away when we first got together but “forgot his wallet” I ended up paying for that break.
I lost count of the amount of occasions he’d claim to have no money but I’d later see him spending money on fruit machines or he’d buy cigarettes.
I was in college when we met but my ex convinced me to drop out and get a job and move into his house and pay towards his mortgage and bills, he was barely working part time and I ended up working 55 hours a week. Before we had met I’d been desperate to be a travel rep as I wanted to travel more then anything, I got offered my dream job and turned it down to work split shifts in a hotel.
We stayed together for 8 years and in that time I was lied to, cheated on, paid for everything, did all the cooking and cleaning and was treated like absolute shit. The compliments dried up and I had to listen to comments about my weight or my ex would compliment other girls in front of me and compare me, I didn’t even walk away when he hit me.
I knew I deserved better but I was so worn down that I convinced myself into staying and focusing on the (very few) good points in our relationship and having someone to do things with and go on holidays with.
I’d like to tell you I found the self respect and courage to leave him but in the end he left me for a 15 year old girl, I was absolutely devastated and had been under my exs control so long that it took years to be able to function properly, I wasn’t used to thinking for myself and I had to live with my parents for a few months, I wasn’t even allowed a mobile phone and had to hand my wages over every month with my ex, he even chose my clothes, it took a long time to be able to make my own decisions without wanting to ask for permission.
After this relationship ended I should have had time alone and worked on myself but I jumped into other relationships straight away, I still had no self respect and inevitably they were bad relationships where I was treated like shit, occasionally I’d meet nice men but I was out of my comfort zone being treated with kindness and respect so they never lasted.
When I hit 30 I decided enough was enough and resigned myself to being single forever, I gave up on relationships completely and decided to focus on myself, a month later I met my current partner and fancied him like crazy but refused to jump into a relationship. Normally when I met a man it moved at lightning speed! It wasn’t unusual to be talking about marriage and kids within a few weeks, this time I was so convinced the relationship wouldn’t last that I didn’t jump in feet first.
I dated my current partner and it was long distance to start with so we built up a solid friendship as well as being in a relationship, we would talk for hours on the phone and he was aware of what I’d gone through with previous relationships, he listened to me and treated me with absolute kindness and respect.
I struggled at taking him seriously at first and used to try to push him away, at one point I considered ending the relationship when I started working with a man who was a bastard and treated women like shit, I felt like I was building a connection with him but it was basically seeking out familiarity. Luckily I came to my senses before I fucked things up.
I have been with my partner 10 years now and I finally know what a healthy mutual respectful relationship is like, it’s a true partnership. If I split up with my partner now I’d be horrified to end up in a relationship like yours, once upon a time it was the norm though.
OP you know that this man is no good for you, you didn’t need to make these multiple posts, your boyfriend might try to convince you otherwise but that’s just what you want to hear, on one of your posts you wrote you were “very happy together” are you actually happy or do you just wish you were?
It’s easy to fall into the trap of wanting things to get better so talking yourself (or letting yourself get talked into) believing that they will. You have been in this relationship such a short time and it’s already clear that you aren’t being treated very well, do you think things are going to improve? People are usually on their best behaviour at the start of a relationship, if this is your boyfriend’s best behaviour then I’d hate to see what he’s like when he stops trying as hard! Either that or he hadn’t bothered going to any effort to try to impress you.
The post you made with the photos taken without your consent is disturbing, the fact that you seem to have just accepted that and then still posted about other issues shows that you aren’t taking this as seriously as you should. This was a serious breach of trust and absolutely shameful behaviour, if you continue to settle for this and just accept it then you are opening the door to allow for worse behaviour.
You can keep trying to kid yourself, keep accepting being treated like dirt and accept the excuses but soon people in your life will get frustrated and angry with you for putting up with it, your son will resent you for letting yourself get treated like this and it’s a terrible example for him to see. If you carry on in this relationship you’ll have to shut up and put up because you’ve been given good advice and told to leave this man, if you ignore it then I’m sorry but it’s going to be on you if you continue to be treated badly. I know this sounds harsh but I think it’s time someone told you straight.
You have been given lots of valuable advice on all your posts and you have had a lot of support, it’s been unanimous that everyone has told you to walk away and that you deserve better, you can choose to listen to that and stop any doubts or you can keep trying to kid yourself.
I think if you can find the strength to walk away now you’ll be proud of yourself in the future for recognising your self worth, it’s not easy to give up on a dream but you are still young and you have plenty of time in the future to be in a relationship, at the moment I think you have a lot of working on yourself to do first.
I hope you take what everyone had said on board and it’d be nice to get an update where you have ended this relationship and made sure those photos are deleted, remember it’s a criminal offence if he threatens to share those images and he can get up to two years in prison for revenge porn.
I wish you the best of luck and I sincerely hope you recognise a bad relationship in future and know your worth, look for other things to make you happy and other ways to define yourself other then being with a man, there are a lot of people on here that have been single for a very long time and are perfectly happy and content with very full rich lives, you aren’t on your own you have a teenager who I’m sure would benefit from being your main focus x