About DD's name

[user873628]

DH and I have a 9 month old DD. We chose the name Lottie for her, but wanted her to have a formal name so her BC is Charlotte. We always intended to call her Lottie and never call her Charlotte. When she is bigger she may choose to go by Charlotte/Charlie but for now she is definitely Lottie.

In laws hate the name Lottie and always have. They say it sounds like a Victorian servant and is ridiculous and refuse to use it. I find this rude, DH doesn't. In laws do a lot to help us out and are kind people at heart but there is a lot of history between us. Won't go in to what but it's important for the sake of this thread as a small issue ('please call her Lottie') could descend in to absolute chaos quite quickly.

DD is at the age where she should be learning her name, and so I've asked DH to ask in-laws to call her Lottie whilst she is learning it, so as not to confuse her, particularly when they have her for an hour or two without us. DH said he would but they've just come to take her out and repeatedly called her Charlotte and DH said absolutely nothing. I've asked him why now that they've left and he said it's going to cause a huge issue and he doesn't want to get involved. AIBU to want her called by the name we use at the moment?

Just to add, I have no issue with them using Charlotte when she's bigger, but right now she is learning her name and I want to avoid confusion.

I once dated a man I'd known professionally and socially for years as George, only to find that when with family he was called Dominic.

He switches forth and back effortlessly.

I'll rephrase then. Personally I don't understand. I just don't get why anyone would agree, or call it a compromise 😂 to call a child by a name they haven't given them from birth.
Personally I wouldn't agree to give a child a name on their birth certificate if I had no intention to use it.
If one doesn't like something, why agree to do it? The same applies to any thing.
It has nothing to do with what other people do, or have chosen to do since the dawn of dinosaurs/church/whatever. Of course that has happened. Doesn't mean it makes sense though just because philanthropically, people have done it before.

Thank you! Precisely, it is ok.

It is ok to have a different viewpoint. Different interpretation. Different understanding.

I think other posters have misunderstood.

Personally I wouldn't agree to give a child a name on their birth certificate if I had no intention to use it.

Except that children are not pets or personal possessions. They are young human beings who hopefully will live 70-100 years.

What their parents call them in childhood is a mere blip; they deserve options as their life progresses.

One parent may not wish to use the name on the birth certificate, but other people in the human's life MAY wish to, and the human herself MAY wish to use a more formal, dignified, mature and distinguished-sounding name. Not everyone wants to spend their life as Bitsy, Ollie, Tootie or Teddie.

For the love of God - is there anything - anything at all - which doesn't boil down to a woman being the victim of a man's abuse in some posters' eyes??

Agreed, those are ridiculous names.

What's with all the childcare comments? Very funny to me how many people can't fathom a grandparent spending time with their grandchildren of their own free will.

OP, it's very annoying that your DH won't stand up for your preferred name. But please don't worry about confusing your DD, she will not be confused by someone calling her something different a few hours a week. You and her dad and everyone normal you know call her Lottie most of the time.

Lord knows my poor DC used to get called the most absurd things when they were babies, every family member had their own nicknames and me and DH always were inventing new ones. I think we used more nicknames than real names at that age. When my own DS was 9 months old my dad (say DS's name is Noah) used to call DS Noahsaurussauceababyoh (Noah-saurus-sauce-a-baby-oh), and I used to call DS 'Noahlala Sweet Koala'. DS is totally unscathed and always knew his real name!

We had this issue with our DD, different name but same thing. In-laws would only use full name at first but at some point they just started to use the name that everyone else calls her because that's her name. I'd just let it go, baby won't care and it won't affect her learning her own name.

And yet I disagree! The GPs should, I think, use whatever name the child’s parents have asked them to use — regardless of what’s on the birth certificate.

OP, I’d be upset in this situation too — with your ILs for deliberately ignoring your wishes, and with your DH for not supporting you when you and he have both agreed on Lottie.

I'm bowing out of this thread now because I'm honestly pretty pathetic and am getting a wee bit upset by all the people telling me I'm a moron (fully accept that I am as per the poll). Thanks so much for the genuine advice. It is really useful to be reminded that I was being ridiculous about the name confusion and loads of people go by multiple names.

Edit: I re-read the above and the thanks sounds sarcy and a bit arsey but it's genuine!

I know this isn't totally the point of the thread but I had such a similar experience. We decided on our daughter's name as we were on our way to the registration office at 6 weeks. I like it now and it suits her but it wouldn't have been my choice and I have a wobble about it every few months. My husband talks about how difficult it was to come up with a name and how we both worked so hard but the truth is he didn't want to engage when I talked about names, other than vetoing the ones I really liked. So I really sympathise.

They say it sounds like a Victorian servant and is ridiculous and refuse to use it. - unbelievable. I hope you have told them they are being ridiculous. Do not pander to this. Tell them they must call her Lottie and brook no argument.

Change her name. Honestly, the name regret will always piss you off. She's young enough for it to be changed and not know

My name is Charlotte, the majority of my family have always called me Lottie (including parents, who still do even in my 30’s), but I’ve always referred to myself as Charlotte as feels more me. Ultimately as you’ve given her a name that has multiple ‘nicknames’ there was always a strong possibility others would choose a version they prefer to use. If you wanted to avoid this you should have literally just called her Lottie to avoid confusion.

My son is older but my In-laws always call him by his full name and not the shortened version we use. It's never bothered us & he answers to both names. His friends call him a different shortened version 😂

My kids both have full names on birth certificates but have always been called short versions. They knew their short versions first but due to occasional use of the long versions by some people quickly knew them too. I think they are being a very rude and Lottie is a lovely nickname but I voted YABU as I don't think it will confuse her that her grandparents call her Charlotte, and it is her name. I would tell them they are being rude about her nickname but leave them to call her by her full name.

This is what its all about. Spend some time @user873628 reflecting on the bigger picture where the behaviorial issues of ILs will escalate on birth of DGD.

Just let this one go. My DS has a long name and apparently DH only agreed to it because I was very ill after the birth and never liked it, So I call him the long name and DH call him by a nickname version and friends and family differ too depending on who they know best.

Anyway, he's never got confused at all.

I myself have a name with several pet versions and different people who come from different stages of my life call me different names. Only people who know me through work call me by my actual long name.

I don't think you are a moron at all.

Look the comment about a Victorian servant is a massive red flag that you will have bigger issues ahead with these in-laws.

Save yourself for the bigger rows ahead!

Heh, my son is bilingual, for a while as a toddler he would refer to himself as one name in English and another name in Finnish, as he strongly associated those names with the languages (the English name being Baby ) which made logical sense as mum and dad had different names in the different languages, so why not his name

Maybe she read a lot of Catherine Cookson😁 Because of Upstairs Downstairs for years Ruby was very much a scullery maid type name to me (and Daisy). It took quite a while to move away from that.

I wouldn’t change her name, she might want to have the options of both when she’s older.

Oh ha 😁

choose your battles. In-laws hate Lottie and that’s okay since her actual name is Charlotte. I love Charlotte, not Lottie so much so I’m actually with the in-laws, sorry. That being said, I had three nicknames as a child and I answered to all of them. I wasn’t confused at all.

So you chose Charlotte for her BC and sulk when people call her that? If you want people to call her Lottie then you should have just chosen Lottie. I don't understand why people put a different name on the BC. Just name them the name you want, it's 2024.