About DD's name

[user873628]

DH and I have a 9 month old DD. We chose the name Lottie for her, but wanted her to have a formal name so her BC is Charlotte. We always intended to call her Lottie and never call her Charlotte. When she is bigger she may choose to go by Charlotte/Charlie but for now she is definitely Lottie.

In laws hate the name Lottie and always have. They say it sounds like a Victorian servant and is ridiculous and refuse to use it. I find this rude, DH doesn't. In laws do a lot to help us out and are kind people at heart but there is a lot of history between us. Won't go in to what but it's important for the sake of this thread as a small issue ('please call her Lottie') could descend in to absolute chaos quite quickly.

DD is at the age where she should be learning her name, and so I've asked DH to ask in-laws to call her Lottie whilst she is learning it, so as not to confuse her, particularly when they have her for an hour or two without us. DH said he would but they've just come to take her out and repeatedly called her Charlotte and DH said absolutely nothing. I've asked him why now that they've left and he said it's going to cause a huge issue and he doesn't want to get involved. AIBU to want her called by the name we use at the moment?

Just to add, I have no issue with them using Charlotte when she's bigger, but right now she is learning her name and I want to avoid confusion.

Don't worry about her getting confused I have about 5 names for my kids each. Their actual names, shortened version, lengthened versions, nicknames, names that rhymes with their names

Your daughter will learn that her name has different versions. I am not sure what this "she should be learning her name now" comes from.
I think your husband did tell his parents as you requested and its ok that he didnt have a go at them after that for not using Lottie if it just doesnt sit with them.

I haven't claimed they are doing her a favour. But they are providing childcare and op will be benefitting from it.

Why not? …… I often took my 3 GDs out when they were much younger than 9 months……gave my DD chance to clean house, get her hair done, have a chill

Lottie is a lovely name. They sound like dicks

I wouldn't worry about it, she'll still learn her name just fine even if her grandparents call her Charlotte.
Both my children were called Baby more than their actual names in the first 3 years of their life but they still eventually learnt their names. My youngest was also called a myriad of different names, I think his actual name was used the least, but he still knows his name (and I still call him Baby more than his name)

this! 😂
also my 3 DC had different names for each other …..in fact they still do even now they are full grown

I'm completely with you!

I mean, yea if you wanted to.

but my parents were more matter of fact. Yes your names ….. but it’s a shortened version of ….. which is on your birth certificate.

no grand reveal, just matter of fact.

maybe folk can’t understand unless they’re known by a different name, but it’s really not that big a deal.

@purplebeansprouts so how have all the people named Alex, Ben, Susie, Jamie, Billy, Bobby, Danny, Alfie, Jessie, Becky, Nicky, Maggie......etc managed in the past when they first started school?
(Well except the actor Kit Harrington who apparently didn't realise he was actually called Christopher until he was about 12 😂 But that's rare)

She won't be benefitting from it if she doesn't really want them to have her but isn't able to say no. She would like to go LC but her DH wouldn't agree to that. It is obvious that they upset her.

I'm sorry but you're being really silly by claiming that she'll struggle to learn her name if they don't toe the line. I've called my kids all sorts of crap since day one, including Sausage Face, Funky Monkey, etc.

They've never been unable to understand what their actual name is.

If you didn't want your kid to be called Charlotte by people you should have just called her Lottie.

You obviously don't like them for whatever reason, but you're undermining yourself by pushing something you can't control for silly made up reasons.

Exactly my point.

Same and mine chose a very specific spelling of her nickname as well (so for you she would be lotta or lotte

she did this when she was 20 months old at nearly 16 it is her name

she HATES the fact that for her GCSEs and passport etc she is her full name on it she doesn’t see it as her name at all

or she may hate it completely and change her name DD has 3 girls in her class who have done so

Exactly!

ifs crazy the number of people outraged on this thread that shock horror she won’t be called Charlotte when that is her legal name.

These people have clearly never met a katie,
alex, Susie, Jess, Jen, Bill, Iain, or Tam (etc etc) in their life.

My in-laws called DS by his middle name (a name from their culture). Didn’t stop until his teens when he stopped responding. Your DD won’t get confused, i’ve had so many nick names for my kids, and they always knew their name.

@user873628 She won't be confused.

My grandparents did exactly the same. (Think, everyone including my parents called me Lizzie, they called me Elizabeth.)

I was never confused.

Just let it go.

Presumably you don't hate the name Charlotte otherwise you wouldn't have used it, so I don't really see what the big deal is.

was it?

she didn't get sole say in the naming process.

No I wasn't!

She won't get confused. We virtually never call either of our kids by their actual names, it's an ever-evolving set of ridiculous nicknames which change sort of organically although sometimes they'll get sick of one and ask us to drop it. So I wouldn't make a fuss on that count.
However, if you have in laws who can't be pulled up politely on being (incredibly!) rude without it causing a huge explosion, you are 100% going to have further issues down the line. DH's mum is like this and it's taken YEARS to get to a point where we understand the impact she's had on him (and for me to get to the point that I just don't deal with her directly anymore). He was never allowed to have his own feelings as a kid, always responsible for hers and it's been quite damaging to his sense of self and self-esteem. Your DH may be different but I'd just consider whether him not backing you on this stems from what may have been a tricky childhood in terms of the extent to which he was allowed to challenge his parents. He's probably going to have to learn, but it might be a long road.

I feel the problem is that you allowed yourself to be worn down in a who-blinks-first situation into giving your child a name you don't like, @user873628 .

The grandparents are not being particularly unreasonable - can you imagine if they were to tell other people this story, "yes, we've been calling our granddaughter the name her parents chose for her and which appears on her birth certificate but our daughter-in-law has taken the hump because she wants us to call the baby something else?"

I think your relationship with your in-laws is really a distraction here. The real issue is with your husband, who seems to get the casting vote, notwithstanding the fact that you carried this baby around for 9 months and then gave birth to it, yet somehow ended up with a name on the BC that you, the mother, do not like.

If it helps op, we had a casual name for our son & my mil wouldn’t use it, including his middle name.
think along the lines of Ben Sam & she spent a good while calling him Benjamin Samuel, despite Ben Sam being on his actual birth certificate.
No issues there, she clearly just preferred her version.
I didn’t make an issue out of it, just let her get on with it & she uses his actual name now.
She also didn’t do the same with our next child.

I agree with your in-laws, it’s a dreadful name. Anyway, you’ve landed her with it now so I guess everyone’s just going to have to call her that 🤷‍♀️

Yes it was. Why give a child a name you don't like? Why not name a name you like, even if it is the diminutive form of another name, from the get go and on the BC?

No, she didn't have sole say in the naming process. So then - why did she let her DH? You're right it SHOULD be a shared decision. It doesn't sound that has happened here at all. And so the OP now has concerns about confusing the child growing up.

And not finding out the sex during pregnancy is not an excuse to not find and agree upon a name really is it?

But it sounds like it was a compromise.
The op - “I want to call her lottie”
the dh - “i would prefer Charlotte on the bc”
op - “ok as long as we can call her Lottie in day to day life”

no big deal. Until the grandparents took it up on themselves to go against the op’s (agreed with dh) wishes