About DD's name

[user873628]

DH and I have a 9 month old DD. We chose the name Lottie for her, but wanted her to have a formal name so her BC is Charlotte. We always intended to call her Lottie and never call her Charlotte. When she is bigger she may choose to go by Charlotte/Charlie but for now she is definitely Lottie.

In laws hate the name Lottie and always have. They say it sounds like a Victorian servant and is ridiculous and refuse to use it. I find this rude, DH doesn't. In laws do a lot to help us out and are kind people at heart but there is a lot of history between us. Won't go in to what but it's important for the sake of this thread as a small issue ('please call her Lottie') could descend in to absolute chaos quite quickly.

DD is at the age where she should be learning her name, and so I've asked DH to ask in-laws to call her Lottie whilst she is learning it, so as not to confuse her, particularly when they have her for an hour or two without us. DH said he would but they've just come to take her out and repeatedly called her Charlotte and DH said absolutely nothing. I've asked him why now that they've left and he said it's going to cause a huge issue and he doesn't want to get involved. AIBU to want her called by the name we use at the moment?

Just to add, I have no issue with them using Charlotte when she's bigger, but right now she is learning her name and I want to avoid confusion.

But calling her by one name and actually registering her as a different name is what I never understand.

The compromise would be "ok, you don't like this name, I don't like the diminutive, it's not the name for us. Let's keep searching."

My DS and DD both have formal names on their birth certificates but are known as other names.

No one has ignored our request to call them by the names we choose to call them.

If I wanted to name my child Rodney but call him Dave then people should respect my wishes until the child can either tell them otherwise or they can ask the child what they prefer.

Don’t be ridiculous she won’t get confused. You don’t get Victorias walking around in a state of confusion because Granny called her Victoria and Nanny called her Tori.

Same with Isabelle/Izzy, Beth/Elizabeth, Seb/Sebastian, Saffron/Saffie.

Lighten up.

I think the horse has bolted now, OP. You shouldn't have told them the name on her birth certificate if you wanted them to call her Lottie. Of course they should respect your wishes - it's incredibly rude to just decide to call someone by another name because you don't like (or can't be arsed pronouncing, as I've experienced) their name - and your DH should support you. But clearly neither of those things will ever happen. If they do it in front of you, correct them every time. You've got no control over what they do when you're not there.

I am going to say I think you should kick up a fuss and then you will see how good you had it, having lovely, involved GPs. This sort of entitlement needs a rude shock.

I would be so grateful for their help. They are using the baby’s name, there is no problem.

The won't be confused. One of our dc got cute short version of name when little as sibling couldn't pronounce it - everyone used it except grandparents and daycare. Really was not an issue

@JumpstartMondays yes but people have done that since the dawn of time (or whenever birth certificates/church records/census began).
Names like Kate.
99% of those named Kate are likely to actually be a Katherine/Kathleen.
It's so normal I am surprised when you say you don't understand.

But that’s ok if you don’t understand it, millions of other people do! And the compromise of a legal longer name, and a shortened every day name is ok.

Apologies, I thought I was responding to the poster that said that Lottie was a scullery maid's name and that Charlotte was a much better name.

@user873628

how many babies do you think believe their name is pumpkin or smelly bum??

When I was pregnant with my DD we were floating a boys name with my parents and my mum immediately took against it (didn't matter in the end as we had a girl!).

She told me she wouldn't call him that and would instead call him a name of her own choosing. I reminded her that she already had the opportunity to name her children and now the opportunity was mine. I also suggested that if it was acceptable to call people by things other than their name, my child would not be calling her grandma (her chosen title) but something else that I would think up.

I accept it's easier to have these tricky conversations with your own parents though!

The name is a red herring.

The real issue is your PIL’s don’t respect your wishes and your DH refuses to pull them up on it.

You’ve got years of this ahead I’m afraid…

With her grandparents??

My mind went straight to the Lottie Project too 😂

They may be involved but they aren't lovely. She isn't grateful for their help because she doesn't want it. She pays for full-time child care and any time they have with their grand-daughter is at their request.

She doesn't like the name Charlotte, but her DH would only put the traditional name Charlotte on the birth certificate, but said that they would call her Lottie.
He won't ask his parents to call her Lottie as they would have a tearful melt-down.

2 people calling her the BC name won’t make any difference to her knowing what her name is. I’d honestly wouldn’t make this an issues with your in-laws, it’s really not worth the hassle.

My son has a ‘proper’ name on his birth certificate (think for example ‘Elijah’ but goes by Eli). MIL and SIL have always called him ‘Elijah’, MIL once told us we shouldn’t have put Elijah on the BC if we wanted him to be called Eli. He has never not known what his name is. He’s nearly 4 now and he corrects people if they call him Elijah and tells them that his name is Eli (MIL has since given up on calling him Elijah but SIL still does and he corrects her every time).

I agree with your second sentence - husband doesn't like the name Lottie, so of course he is happy for his parents to use Charlotte. It seems very likely from what has been said that he too would prefer to call her that, unless 'Lottie' has grown on him since she was born

I dont think he is being 'the boss' though. It's not like he is trying to force the OP to use the name she doesn't like.They had to come to a compromise when they ran out of time to register the birth, but I can't really see any good good reason why the compromise can't continue, with each parent, like the GPs, using the version they prefer.

She can DEFINITELY handle learning two names for herself. Many children are learning two or more languages from the start.

My youngest was referred to by about five different versions of his name and as now an adult he still is. I love him having a name with lots of layers. By the way, it never confused him as a child.

I think Charlotte is a lovely name but 'Lottie' is nice as a nickname; I was at school with a Charlotte/Lottie, she was lovely, became a psychotherapist. Her dad was a Jewish professor, he also called her, "Lottie", her mum (who was also....), used, 'Charlotte'. However that is not relevant.. Your daughter will get used to both, don't worry.

It's not unusual for grandparents to prefer to use the full name, certainly not worth being upset about.

I know this isnt the point but it may help ease your worries my daughter goes by two compleatly different names depending on who shes with she answers to and refers to her self as both and has done with no issues for many years she knows what one her offical name is but she likes to be both depending where she is

Thanks for the apologies

Well her name is Charlotte so I don’t really think you can make that big a deal of it to be honest.

Hmmm. I think I'd be annoyed if they were calling her a name that was NEITHER her given name or your chosen shortening. My MIL did this - kept calling my DC by a different, shortened version of her name to the one we used, because that was a "family name" (a quite distant family member who I've never met - my husband maybe once or twice in early childhood? Not someone it would feel natural to name our kid after). It did upset me, especially as she kept ignoring our requests to use the name(s) we'd chosen, and it felt possessive, in a way. But there was also a big backstory there.

I think in your case, it's maybe a little different. People are inevitably going to use the name you put on her birth certificate - doctors, teachers etc. I don't think it will hugely confuse her at this age. But I do understand it's frustrating when you express your wishes and people close to you choose to just ignore them! Especially as you'd hope your DH would back you up and he isn't... Ultimately she's your child and you should get to choose what she's called, at least while she's little.

Happy for your child's adult self that your husband held out for an actual dignified name instead of a cutesy diminutive on the BC.

She won't have a problem learning her name. At her age & well beyond, I was Millicent, MiMi, Mim-Mim, Millie and (for some bizarre reason) Boo-Boo, depending on who was with me at any given time. It never caused an identity crisis.