About DD's name

[user873628]

DH and I have a 9 month old DD. We chose the name Lottie for her, but wanted her to have a formal name so her BC is Charlotte. We always intended to call her Lottie and never call her Charlotte. When she is bigger she may choose to go by Charlotte/Charlie but for now she is definitely Lottie.

In laws hate the name Lottie and always have. They say it sounds like a Victorian servant and is ridiculous and refuse to use it. I find this rude, DH doesn't. In laws do a lot to help us out and are kind people at heart but there is a lot of history between us. Won't go in to what but it's important for the sake of this thread as a small issue ('please call her Lottie') could descend in to absolute chaos quite quickly.

DD is at the age where she should be learning her name, and so I've asked DH to ask in-laws to call her Lottie whilst she is learning it, so as not to confuse her, particularly when they have her for an hour or two without us. DH said he would but they've just come to take her out and repeatedly called her Charlotte and DH said absolutely nothing. I've asked him why now that they've left and he said it's going to cause a huge issue and he doesn't want to get involved. AIBU to want her called by the name we use at the moment?

Just to add, I have no issue with them using Charlotte when she's bigger, but right now she is learning her name and I want to avoid confusion.

How's she going to learn her real name is Charlotte if you keep calling her Lottie?

Unless I’ve misread, the grandparents are just looking after the baby for an hour or two a week. That isn’t childcare.
thats spending time with their grandchild.

childcare is an arranged agreement, with set hours and knowledge of both sides of whose responsible for the child. Usually, with the person doing the childcare being paid.

OP didn't want Charlotte on the birth certificate but her DH insisted. She just wanted her to be called Lottie and has said that she doesn't even like the name Charlotte.

It seems like her DH and PILs are being unfair to OP who sounds upset and defeated.

It's obvious that there is a back story of overbearing behaviour and over-stepping from your PILs. The only thing you can do is try and cut down on the amount of visits from PIL (a few times a week is a lot) so they have fewer opportunities to upset you.

100% - this is what its all about. This week its the name, last week was something else and next week and every week will be anothr issue and encroachment.

By telling her when she’s older?

This! She will get called Charlotte at school and nursery and needs to learn it. My disabled 2 year old who is non verbal has about 5 nicknames and has no issues coming whatever one we should

How do Jamies learn that their official name is James, an Abbie that she's Abigail, a Wilf that he's a Wilfred?

How do you suspect that this very common situation works out?

OP, I sympathise with you. When I brought my daughter home from hospital, my MIL disliked the diminutive my DH and I had chosen, and we nearly fell out about it, but over time my daughter became the diminutive and as everyone called her that, so did MIL. I’m with your DH about having a “proper” name on a birth certificate - it gives your DC choice later in life, and she may choose to use one as a professional name and the other with friends and family.

Oxford dictionary- care for children, especially that provided by either the government, an organization, or a person while parents are at work or are absent for another reason.

Spending time with their grandchild is covering childcare.

Ah that's the real issue then. I'm afraid that you shouldn't have compromised if you hate the name Charlotte. It's your daughter's name so maybe you could learn to love it?

I don’t think this is a hill worth dying on if they are helping you. It is her name and it won’t confuse her. Most children have at least one nickname so are used to responding to at least two names.

And this is why I never understand giving children/babies a name if you don't intend to use it.

You named her Charlotte. People are calling her Charlotte.

It sounds more like you don't like the name Charlotte that you chose for her, to me.

That's so nasty. Charlotte is an extremely popular name.

Not really. They ask you what your want them to be known as and can give any name you want.

Ok thanks for going to the trouble of looking it up 😂😂😂😂
I stand corrected.

if you read her posts (crazy idea!) you'll see she doesn't really like the name Charlotte.

Op, if it’s good enough for princess Catherine of whatever, (Kate!) then I’m sure you’re fine.

I think he took advantage of your postpartum state.

What as a grand reveal sit down there's something we must tell you before you start school?

Prefer the spelling Lotte not Lottie but it’s a cute name

You were nasty about the name Lottie. I didn't say that Charlotte was an awful name, I said that I preferred Lottie.

You put Charlotte on the birth certificate so you are YABU. Call her Lottie and let them call her by her birthname. That way she gets used to both. If you wanted for her to go to by Lottie that's what you should have put in her birth certificate.

charlotte/Lottie isnt worth gettin knickers in knot about.given its not a secret-some kids speack more than one language so im sure she will not be scarred for life./confused.
If was THEM call her shortened name Id probably kick off. (and get nowhere)My ds spent ds1s ENTIRE childhood calling my son abbreviated version- Would buy him pens,sticker books,tshirts with WRONG name on. grrrrr......can you reframe in your head that they are "affectionately using charlotte"..pick your fights...?

OP has said:

'It isn't free childcare!! They see her for an hour or so a few times a week when it suits them (they always ask, I never do). We pay for full time childcare at nursery.'

This is something that her PILs want, not something that OP is asking for. They aren't doing her a favour.

@Strictlymad every nursery/school I know asks if there is a "known as" name that a child is known by rather than their birth certificate name.
The school will call her Lottie if the OP tells them she is "known as" Lottie.
It's not complicated.