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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this bonkers SIL behaviour or am I overthinking it?

143 replies

Orangelight23 · 20/10/2024 15:43

I am prepared to be told I maybe unreasonable as I understand that just because people do things a different way to me it doesn't make them wrong.

SIL has a 8 month old baby. I've seen her at least once a month since she's been born. SIL and my brother haven't had any baby free time together since baby was born as up until now she hasn't really wanted to leave her. Her parents are elderly and she has no siblings so for family babysitters there's only really me and my Mum they could ask.

SIL wants to see a particular film that's coming out so I offered to baby sit while her and my brother to and see the film and have a meal out. She accepted on the condition that she first observe me changing baby's nappy and giving her a bottle to just make sure I do it it the same as her.

For context I have 3 children one of whom is still in nappies.

Now I'm not against this as such but is it a bit much? I feel weird like I'm being marked on my baby skills or something!

OP posts:
MoneyAndPercentages · 20/10/2024 15:47

Definitely weird, but honestly it's probably more for her leaving-baby anxiety and peace of mind than thinking you're a terrible babysitter!

My mind comes up with all kinds of unlikely scenarios that might happen when I leave DS with someone... I can now filter most of it out thank god 😂

So no, she doesn't really have a right to ask this and it's kinda weird. But if you like her and are trying to be supportive/get her out of the baby bubble, I'd go along with it (and maybe make a joke or two!)

maslinpan · 20/10/2024 15:48

Depends on your relationship. If you think she will get over herself and this request is something you will both laugh at in the future, then humour her. If you don't particularly like her, I wouldn't bother going through her test of your technique. Where is her brother in all this, will he be examined in a similar way, or is this just wife work?

VioletCrawleyForever · 20/10/2024 15:49

Good grief that's quite full on PFB behaviour but I'd grin and bear it and be the better person.

One day she will cringe with embarrassment remembering this.

Mnetcurious · 20/10/2024 15:51

Yeah that’s OTT. How many different ways of changing a nappy are there?! You’ve obviously done it hundreds of times before so it’s not like making sure a novice knows what to do.
If she has a particular way of doing the bottle then she just needs to leave instructions on that and talk you through it, an observation is not necessary!

ShowerOfShites · 20/10/2024 15:52

Haha! She's batshit but I think harmlessly so.

If the baby's 8 months old and she hasn't really spent any time apart, I guess that's where it comes from.

Min133 · 20/10/2024 15:53

Yeah it's a bit weird but as someone who had postnatal anxiety I can sympathise with her. If you're willing just agree and go along with it, ask her to show you how she'd like you to do the tasks. Let her do what she needs to feel reassured so she can go enjoy a break

SinnerBoy · 20/10/2024 15:53

MoneyAndPercentages · Today 15:47

Definitely weird, but honestly it's probably more for her leaving-baby anxiety and peace of mind than thinking you're a terrible babysitter!

Yes, I agree with that, although I do thin it's a bit over the top!

StripeyDeckchair · 20/10/2024 15:54

SIL, I'm doing uou a favour here.
You either trust me to look after your child, or you don't but I'm not being tested.
[I've got 3 children how many nappies do you think I've changed & bottles I've fed them]

FabulousPharmacyst · 20/10/2024 15:55

You’re not interviewing to be her nanny

peachcob · 20/10/2024 16:01

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Iloveburgerswaymorethanishould · 20/10/2024 16:02

She’d hate how I do it then. It’s like a F1 pit stop! On my knee, off, quick (or very thorough) wipe, nappy on, back sat playing in seconds! The bottle thing is very baby dependent (don’t they do it themselves at that age???) saying that I’ve never had any of mine using bottles at 8months… just go along with it for her peace of mind. Sometimes that’s all a new mama needs, to feel supported in her own parenting style/choice etc.

Octavia64 · 20/10/2024 16:03

Obviously it's ott but I'd be inclined to cut her some slack and agree

StaunchMomma · 20/10/2024 16:03

This would be a no from me.

As others have said - it's not an interview!

I think my reply would be 'If you feel you need to check the nappy skills of someone on their 3rd child then honestly, you're not ready to allow anyone to babysit'.

She sounds a tad clenched, bless her.

BarbaraHoward · 20/10/2024 16:10

Hilariously PFB but almost certainly more about her anxiety than your parenting. Grit your teeth, smile and go along with it and file it away to laugh with her about in a few years.

If she's that anxious it's probably a massive compliment that she's willing to leave the baby with you.

Purplecatshopaholic · 20/10/2024 16:12

StripeyDeckchair · 20/10/2024 15:54

SIL, I'm doing uou a favour here.
You either trust me to look after your child, or you don't but I'm not being tested.
[I've got 3 children how many nappies do you think I've changed & bottles I've fed them]

This. No way would I go along with this batshittery, fuck that.

Original poster
Orangelight23 · 20/10/2024 16:14

I'm going with those who've said to grit teeth and go along with it.

Hopefully the time will come when we're laughing about that crazy time when she watched me wipe her kids bum 😂

OP posts:
SisterAgatha · 20/10/2024 16:15

Sounds bat shit BUT I left my 6mo DS with my MIL to see a film and when I got back she had left him to sleep on the sofa in an outdoor snowsuit, and a blanket, propped up by pillows, and gone to bed. Everyone else thought this was fine. She has 8 grandchildren so the amount of experience isn’t the same as quality of experience. So while it does seem mad to the outside eye, maybe your standards are different.

Dotto · 20/10/2024 16:16

It's her, not you. I'd go along with it and hopefully you can do so in a lighthearted way.

After all, people do still do idiotic things like smearing baby's bum with a thick layer of barrier cream, and propping bottles up so they can feed hands-free. Not suggesting you do, but a big minority.

SisterAgatha · 20/10/2024 16:18

SisterAgatha · 20/10/2024 16:15

Sounds bat shit BUT I left my 6mo DS with my MIL to see a film and when I got back she had left him to sleep on the sofa in an outdoor snowsuit, and a blanket, propped up by pillows, and gone to bed. Everyone else thought this was fine. She has 8 grandchildren so the amount of experience isn’t the same as quality of experience. So while it does seem mad to the outside eye, maybe your standards are different.

Also remembering the time at 6 months old they put him in a forward facing car seat with only a seat belt. Badgered me to feed him solids at 6 weeks.

I’m sure loads of people in their family thought I was PFB.

LightDrizzle · 20/10/2024 16:19

It’s definitely a bit extreme but harmless and I’d not take offence. The bottle thing makes more sense as people do forget and all babies are a bit different and she may have picked up techniques that work for her to reduce air-intake, post feed reflux etc. You were an expert on your babies, she is an expert on hers.

Bless her!

Didimum · 20/10/2024 16:20

Very strange. But she’s probably just very anxious.

yeaitsmeagain · 20/10/2024 16:21

I don't even have kids and my friends with babies would leave me with them without a second thought, let alone an observed assessment.

I think you should fake up a certificate for her to award you afterward.

Stormyweatheroutthere · 20/10/2024 16:21

Maybe narrate yourself doing it in your best David Attenborough voice..
And here we have the human infant lying quietly awaiting it's clean nappy....
Now we see the human infant glugging happily on the perfect temperature baby bottle....

StillAtTheRestaurant · 20/10/2024 16:27

I'm wondering what she'll do if she decides your skills are lacking? Teach you the 'right' way to do it or just not go out?!

WhimsicalGubbins76 · 20/10/2024 16:31

Difficult one to vote on, but I voted YABU unreasonable simply for not taking into account she’s a first time mother, she is likely a squirming ball of anxiety and regardless of you having 3 kids, she’s having a hard time coping with the thought of leaving her only baby with someone who is not their mother.
Yes she’s “technically” being irrational, but that’s ok. She’s new to this and she’s panicking. I’d suck it up, change the nappy in front of her and try to put her mind at ease.
I say this because I was the same when my DS was born. I was petrified even to leave him with my mum, and I was too scared to let anyone else push the oram in case they let go or tripped….. I have terrible anxiety and I’m always catastrophising stuff in my head-being a new mum increased it 1000%. I knew I was being insane, but I’d have been incredibly hurt if anyone had actually said as much to me

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