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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this bonkers SIL behaviour or am I overthinking it?

143 replies

Orangelight23 · 20/10/2024 15:43

I am prepared to be told I maybe unreasonable as I understand that just because people do things a different way to me it doesn't make them wrong.

SIL has a 8 month old baby. I've seen her at least once a month since she's been born. SIL and my brother haven't had any baby free time together since baby was born as up until now she hasn't really wanted to leave her. Her parents are elderly and she has no siblings so for family babysitters there's only really me and my Mum they could ask.

SIL wants to see a particular film that's coming out so I offered to baby sit while her and my brother to and see the film and have a meal out. She accepted on the condition that she first observe me changing baby's nappy and giving her a bottle to just make sure I do it it the same as her.

For context I have 3 children one of whom is still in nappies.

Now I'm not against this as such but is it a bit much? I feel weird like I'm being marked on my baby skills or something!

OP posts:
Miaminmoo · 21/10/2024 23:38

I had a friend like this and I hope this is just new Mum anxiety from your SIL as honestly it wears thin - she once asked me to put sun cream on her son (same age as my son) as she was hosting his birthday party and had her hands full and as I was doing it she came running over and said I was doing it wrong?! Told her to do it her bloody self.

saraclara · 21/10/2024 23:51

"No. I'm happy to watch you do it in case you have a specific technique, but I'm not going to take a practical exam in nappy changing, when I already do it several times a day"

HMW1906 · 22/10/2024 10:07

It’s weird but if it gives her peace of mind I’d probably just go with it 🤷‍♀️ I remember being anxious leaving both of my boys for the first time (although not quite to that extent).

AgainandagainandagainSS · 22/10/2024 10:48

I ask myself if her partner is as equally uptight (or whether he just keeps quiet and panders to her for a quiet life). My DH would be telling me in no uncertain terms to get over myself if I tried stuff like this (and I would be glad of it)

janeavrilavril · 22/10/2024 19:45

she'll probably call you non-stop on her night out mind.

Paulafernalia · 24/10/2024 09:29

Everyone parents differently and with certain things there's no right or wrong, it's just what is best for a family. I wouldn't be offended, I would want to learn how she does those things knowing that she will feel better about leaving her baby with you and will have a better time at the movies. I'm sure as baby gets older, there will be fewer rules :)

TinyTear · 24/10/2024 09:36

Dotto · 20/10/2024 16:16

It's her, not you. I'd go along with it and hopefully you can do so in a lighthearted way.

After all, people do still do idiotic things like smearing baby's bum with a thick layer of barrier cream, and propping bottles up so they can feed hands-free. Not suggesting you do, but a big minority.

It's been a while, but what is wrong with barrier cream?
Sudocrem was our friend...
Honest question

Dotto · 24/10/2024 15:28

TinyTear · 24/10/2024 09:36

It's been a while, but what is wrong with barrier cream?
Sudocrem was our friend...
Honest question

Show quote history

Nothing wrong with a very thin layer of cream (which sinks into the skin) on a bum that needs it, however cream shouldn't be routinely applied in a thick layer - it sticks to the inside of the nappy lining; preventing absorbancy so urine then irritates the skin.

TinyTear · 24/10/2024 16:05

Dotto · 24/10/2024 15:28

Nothing wrong with a very thin layer of cream (which sinks into the skin) on a bum that needs it, however cream shouldn't be routinely applied in a thick layer - it sticks to the inside of the nappy lining; preventing absorbancy so urine then irritates the skin.

Edited
Show quote history

Thanks! Then I don't think i did anything wrong (about 9/10 years ago)

Findinganewme · 24/10/2024 21:05

I don’t think that this is a you thing, I think it’s a new - mum anxiety thing. Many mums are very nervous to leave their child, and of course each child and each adult / carer is different. She knows her baby’s quirks and needs. Hopefully, she will relax in time as it’s probably best for her own wellbeing.

Washingforweeks · 24/10/2024 21:11

I sympathise with you both here op.
I think new mother anxiety can be overwhelming and if she doesn’t have much support she’s just probably trying to make sure people can care for her baby like she can- she has no experience of trusting anyone with the baby yet.

I don’t think it’s anything personal at all- I was guilty of writing a huge list of what my baby ate, when, how often I changed her nappy, what her cries meant, what position to lie her in, what setting to put white noise on, how to check the room temps etc- we only went out for tea 😂 looking back now my god I was way too wary but at the time it ensured I could leave my baby for a few hours and not have to worry and think ‘oh did I mention this or that’

If I was you I’d go along with these little requests, in the grand scheme of things it’s nothing major and it ensures you’re one of the few people she will be able to trust. Hope this helps x

cherish123 · 24/10/2024 21:12

No. It is patronising and it would make me feel uncomfortable
I'd withdraw the offer.

OriginalUsername2 · 24/10/2024 21:18

StaunchMomma · 20/10/2024 16:03

This would be a no from me.

As others have said - it's not an interview!

I think my reply would be 'If you feel you need to check the nappy skills of someone on their 3rd child then honestly, you're not ready to allow anyone to babysit'.

She sounds a tad clenched, bless her.

Edited

This.

I wouldn’t say anything but no way would I willingly try to prove my capabilities to someone who’s been a mum for 5 minutes! Insulting.

Stresshead84x · 24/10/2024 21:38

It's a bit crazy but people do get a bit like that with their first. I had a lot of anxiety with my first baby- the first time I left her with MIL to go to the cinema I picked the shortest film and told my OH it was the one I really wanted to see haha.

KatyJ89 · 24/10/2024 22:16

Please can you update us so we know if you passed the assessment 😂

stichguru · 25/10/2024 09:24

It's bonkers and irrational. However her watching you change a nappy won't hurt anyone at all so don't argue!

Julimia · 26/10/2024 16:54

This is about your Sil not about you. First time just gently go with it then try and dilute it as she obviously will need you again.

Pherian · 26/10/2024 18:52

It’s very odd. Personally I’d just say , the offer stands of you want a babysitter but not auditioning for a role I’ve done three times.

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