Is this bonkers SIL behaviour or am I overthinking it?

[Orangelight23]

I am prepared to be told I maybe unreasonable as I understand that just because people do things a different way to me it doesn't make them wrong.

SIL has a 8 month old baby. I've seen her at least once a month since she's been born. SIL and my brother haven't had any baby free time together since baby was born as up until now she hasn't really wanted to leave her. Her parents are elderly and she has no siblings so for family babysitters there's only really me and my Mum they could ask.

SIL wants to see a particular film that's coming out so I offered to baby sit while her and my brother to and see the film and have a meal out. She accepted on the condition that she first observe me changing baby's nappy and giving her a bottle to just make sure I do it it the same as her.

For context I have 3 children one of whom is still in nappies.

Now I'm not against this as such but is it a bit much? I feel weird like I'm being marked on my baby skills or something!

I think my reply would be 'If you feel you need to check the nappy skills of someone on their 3rd child then honestly, you're not ready to allow anyone to babysit'.

Think that's kind of where I would be on an answer, especially if my youngest was still a babythemself!

You must remember how things felt with your first baby.

she’s just an over cautious first time mum.

I wouldn't do it because it sounds like she isn't ready to leave her baby and I would be very worried in case anything at all did happen when the baby was in your care.

Or you know you put the nappy on upside down or something ;)

I'm shocked at this! What the fuck!

Definitely just anxiety about leaving her baby for the first time! I used to get so stressed about how my DH did our first borns nappy slightly differently to me, utterly ridiculous in hindsight! Go along with it and she will level out eventually!

I'd rescind the offer. Her baby's 8 months old not 8 weeks, she'll have to unclench sooner or later. Why does she care about bottle feeding methods at this age? Does she need to see a GP?

She’s probably just anxious and if you humour her, the whole build up and worries will be far easier for her.

Oh dear. It does seem a bit much but I'd try to think of it as just a way to reassure her that baby is relaxed with you doing these things and id do it once. If she was critical or rude or anything along those lines about your technique I'd probably withdraw my offer but I'd do (almost) anything I could to help this go smoothly.

"She accepted on the condition that she first observe me changing baby's nappy and giving her a bottle to just make sure I do it it the same as her.

For context I have 3 children one of whom is still in nappies."

She sounds nuts.

I would withdrawn the offer based on her lunatic-type conditions. She can stick them where the sun dont shine!

Fingers crossed you don't fail!!😅

What happens if you fail the nappy test?
Will she give you feedback and another chance?

I think if I liked her & wanted to help her & my brother go out I'd do it this once.

I wonder if you'll "fail" though Op so that she can't go?

What does your brother think?

I just would withdraw the offer. This is just the beginning. When she goes out, she will be calling you every five minutes, will probably leave you a manual of do’s and dont’s, and will want a run down of what you’ve done on her return. Clearly isn’t ready to leave her pfb with anyone yet. As they say, no good deed goes unpunished, and it’s all looking a bit rude and drama filled.

Yep a bit bonkers!

Tbh I 95% breastfed so I'd want to check how to give a bottle as I would be rusty on paced feeding etc. The nappy thing is odd unless you have only boys and she has a girl and she thinks you'll wipe the wrong way (even then surely common sense)!

Probably just being PFB but if you like her and want to help her just go along with it.

Maybe ask if she can demonstrate to you as opposed to being observed?

I wouldn’t take it personally, it’s just new mum anxiety, it’s primal.

It sounds like she has post natal anxiety. Maybe speak to your brother and see how things are. Presumably she's seen you with your 3 and trusts you enough to say yes. If it's just her explaining baby has a cloth and water not wipes or prefers bottle at this temp i'd humour her as she's clearly struggling.

This is so strange. I wouldn’t be encouraging this behaviour. It’s completely rude. I’d say no that’s far too awkward and maybe you’re not ready to leave baby. Offer is there for when you’re less anxious.

Does this come from her thinking you have different standards to her?
If its not experience, because you have similarly aged kids..
I'd probably rescind the offer unless you're certain it's just her being a bit anxious

I kinda understand from your SILs pov. I have a 6 month old, demanding, only feeds whilst she's lying flat and will only sleep if I'm bouncing (not rocking) in a dark room. I have been really hesitant to leave her with anyone because of these things. In 2 weeks I'm going out and I'm leaving her with my cousin (we are close, she has 3 kids) and a part of me would like her to see how I feed/ put her to sleep just so she has an idea but I won't as I know my baby has to adapt to different techniques so that I can get a BREAK!
The changing nappies one is odd though

Inwiudk go with anxiety over leaving baby for the first time...it can do weird things to you. Surely you remember back tomsome of the crazy crap you worried about with your first?!

Be kind, suck it up and smile through it.

Amount of experience doesn’t mean it’s good experience. I have friends with 4+ kids who I wouldn’t trust around my DS with a bargepole and whose own dd’s come to me for child advice and childcare

I would humour her as most first time mums have had moments like this. If she fails you don't take it personally as she could be looking for a way to pull out and wants you to take the blame. I'd take it. Parenthood can be hard.

It's precious first born syndrome. We typed up a semi-serious but actually totally serious manual for ours that my mum had to follow; my mum has 4 children.

It does sound a bit bonkers but I doubt it's about you.

Thst said, when I first left ds with my dm I just assumed she knew everything (and she isn't keen on being told how to do anything anyway) and they had a bit of a mare with the nappies as she seemed to have forgotten how they worked.

For the best chance for your baby and your cousin I would tell her what you have to do while making it clear you want your baby to adapt so you're happy for her to do whatever she wants but just in case baby objects, I do this.