Teens been aholes while I have cancer

[thistowillpass]

Hi I am a lone parent with 3 teen all 15 + - I have breast cancer and will be starting treatment - radiotherapy soon and all will be good as found early ( please check yourselves). My issue is the lack of care and help they show about giving me a hand around the house - I am tired sore and scared and I know likely to be more fatigued with treatment but it's a battle to get them to do anything cooking cleaning up after themselves - I have just asked for someone to walk the dog and they all started arguing why it's not there turn. There Dad is no support and I so fed up - currently sitting in my car to avoid blowing up at them- they are the kindness kids to others but it's all about them at the moment - any ideas or am I just going to have to sit in my car and sweat alot as teens are pxxxks

We all know teens can be obnoxious little fuckers but THIS is outrageous.😡 As for your husband? HE needs to "man up" and grow a pair! You need to sit all FOUR of them down and state your case. Personally, I don't know how you've put up with this. I'd have blown a fucking gasket by now. I'd also frighten the life out of them by buggering off for a night or two without telling them. Oh and in future? Do absolutely NOTHING for them. No washing, drying, tidying rooms, making meals etc UNLESS they step up to the plate.

Wishing you all the best in future re illness AND family.

What is it you don't understand about OP's opening line - "I am a lone parent"?
Why cause her more frustration and upset by an irrelevant and useless post like this?

Yes, I made a mistake and misread the post. What's it to you and why the attitude? You could simply have pointed out my error, I'd have thanked you and then apologized to the OP. But no, you've to make something of it. Please believe me when I tell you that I'm exercising a LOT of restraint responding to you.

First of all you're not being unreasonable. I found a lot of people disappointed me when I had cancer and couldn't do a damn thing to show they cared. And these were adults, who weren't affected by my diagnosis other than in a "my friend has cancer, boo hoo" kind of way.
Just another take: my two were 8 and 10 when I went through the whole treatment process and although DH and I are together, he took refuge in his work and was away a LOT that year. My DILs came to stay when I had treatment but it wasn't the same. I needed him here and he let me down and I know it added an extra level of trauma to the kids.
I know from my own experience as the kid AND the parent, when bad things happen, the kids in the family can be the last to be considered. The last to be talked to and the last to be listened to. No judgement: that's just how it rolls. It's worse when you're a teen because there is a lot more expected of you and, if you don't have that support from another adult, you can feel overwhelmed with the responsibilty of feeling you have to handle it all - plus your own emotions and anxieties. Plus, everyone seems to always be on your case because you're not pulling your weight. I wonder whether your kids - who are behaving unfairly btw, no question - are acting OUT rather than acting UP. In short, they're not dealing with things well. If Dad is out of the picture, you're their go-to parent and, due to no fault of your own, you are not the woman of steel. You are a very sick, very vulnerable person. Now most people have to deal with the fact that their parents are not superhuman but that is usually much later on. I wonder if your kids are just refusing to believe it - and it could be simply because you are capable of doing so much more during cancer treatment than popular culture thinks. You're not bedridden. You're still capable of running the household. It just gets taken for granted.
I think if counselling is on offer, than take it as a family - simply because we don't talk through these things well by ourselves and teens are especially hard and abrasive to talk to!! Get Dad involved to for the sake of his kids because they may have a few choice words to say to him and all.

Outline the cost of buying in support such as a dog walker and cleaner and take it off pocket money. you need to concentrate on recovery rather than family rows.