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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Speaking to someone new but he’s turned mean

141 replies

Teanadbisucits · 20/10/2024 09:07

I met a guy on a night out a few months ago, we got on really well instant connection - exchanged details - spoke for the first few hours but I didn’t hear anything back from him for nearly 2 months.

When he messaged me back finally the conversation just instantly hit of. He’s 26 works full time and has his own apartment. So we have spoke this week getting to know each other. On Tuesday he was drinking with his sister, he ended up calling my phone multiple times and multiple messages but I was asleep. The whole next day I didn’t really hear from him he said he was working and really hungover so he just didn’t have time I thought fair enough. He then asked me if I wanted to come round this his or the other way round. We made plans for Friday for me to go round to his after we both finished work.

well Thursday came and he was back
in the pub, he was asking all his friends about me ( we know mutual people we live in a small time) he basically just started messaging me telling me that my ex boyfriend from 2019 is a “ muppet” and that his friend has had run ins with him in the past. Sending messages and deleting it, I told him that I couldn’t be bothered with Friday because I think this is moving a bit quickly and we should take more time getting to know each other.

so yesterday he messaged me saying he doesn’t just want sex with me he wants to show me that he’s serious so a date. I didn’t reply for an hour because I was busy - he had sent me 3 more messages after this telling me that he isn’t going to bother wasting his time on me anymore, that I am a player a head fuck that all girls in my town are the same. He then started posting Snapchat stories saying my town is just full of snakes. I just ignored him because I couldn’t be bothered arguing with someone I hardly know.

later that night I was having a drink for my mates birthday which I made him aware of prior. He was sending me 1-2 minute long voice notes one after another I asked him if he could just type as I was with people, he said I’m obviously not surrounding my self with the right people if I can’t voice not him or call him. I said I can text because I’m busy for now he then proceeded to ask me if I’m stupid if I expect him to just text me. Told me he didn’t care about my mates and that he was “shag me and my mate” & then proceed to laugh it of as a joke.

( Saturday morning he messaged me telling me he needs to get alcohol because he was pissed off) he mentioned going to the shop right next to my house, he lives about 20 minutes away. He tells me that he never really bothers with girls he just has sex with them because they’re all the same. He said he’ll have sex with an ugly girl now and again to make him feel better - I told him to never talk to me again but I am just so confused as to why he’s suddenly changed

OP posts:
NarnianQueen · 20/10/2024 09:09

He sounds like he's about 14. Don't give him any more head space.

CluelessAboutBiology · 20/10/2024 09:10

Do you really want to continue contact with this person?

RaininSummer · 20/10/2024 09:12

He sounds like an absolute fool. An irritating and probably needy and controlling fool.

AlertCat · 20/10/2024 09:12

He has changed because he doesn’t think you’re going to have sex with him so he doesn’t have any ‘goal’. He has no interest in you as a person.

Block him and move on.

RhaenysRocks · 20/10/2024 09:12

Christ, just block and ignore. Sounds like an immature twat at best and a nasty misogynist at worst. Really no need to go into this any further.

PolaroidPrincess · 20/10/2024 09:13

He hasn't changed. This is who he really is and it didn't take him long to drop the niceties did it?

Block him and don't think twice about it.

Sneezeless · 20/10/2024 09:13

What a wanker. Block and forget.

BelgianBeers · 20/10/2024 09:14

He didn’t change he was always a nob. After a two month gap it was never going to be much. The first mis step is their last. That includes demands or odd and multiple messages - I think you need to expect more and then you will see the issues earlier. I mean that nicely:)

Changeyourfuckingcar · 20/10/2024 09:15

Honestly it’s baffling to me that you’re even questioning this or that you’ve let this utter buffoon go on showing, time and again, what a waste of space he is for as long as you have. Block, move on.

Nogaxeh · 20/10/2024 09:15

I don't think he's suddenly changed. It sounds like he has problems with patience and accepting that other people have opinions/needs that might conflict with his.

So, when there wasn't a conflict then it was all lovely. As soon as you don't fit in with exactly what he wants, then he's mean. But the meanness was always there.

You're lucky you found this out about him early.

TwinklyAmberOrca · 20/10/2024 09:16

There is nothing to be confused about.

He is a psychopath and likely a narcissist.

BLOCK him immediately and run mile.

Olika · 20/10/2024 09:17

He didn't suddenly change, he is showing you who he really is. A twat. Just ignore him as he is waste of your time. If he contacts you again just tell him he is not the kind of man you want to associate with and block him.

IlooklikeNigella · 20/10/2024 09:18

I voted yabu as I don't understand why you haven't blocked him everywhere. He is a total loser.

MiddleagedBeachbum · 20/10/2024 09:18

You ignored the first flag - not texting you for 2 months after meeting, and then it’s just been flag after flag waving in your face….. he’s showing you who he is.

I’d take this opportunity to look at why you’ve even entertained this shitty behaviour for this long?

PadstowGirl · 20/10/2024 09:19

Sadly, they do walk among us. You are worth so much more.

daisychain01 · 20/10/2024 09:19

He was sending me 1-2 minute long voice notes one after another I asked him if he could just type as I was with people, he said I’m obviously not surrounding my self with the right people if I can’t voice not him or call him. I said I can text because I’m busy for now he then proceeded to ask me if I’m stupid if I expect him to just text me.

So after everything you described about this knuckle-head, you still carry on wanting to have anything to do with him?? really? You have an exceeding low bar.

Inspireme2 · 20/10/2024 09:19

Wasting time with this Muppet.
Who is he or anyone to discuss your ex partners, so small minded.

shiverm · 20/10/2024 09:20

I'd actually be a bit scared by his behaviour. It's not just a red flag, it's a clear look at who he is! I was once dating a guy who when I told him I was hanging out with a visiting (male) friend for the day ended up sending a barrage of messages that very quickly took a dark turn (without a single response from me as I was not aware of the stream of messages). Thank goodness I closed that door very quickly. I subsequently heard from colleagues that he'd actually been physically abusive to his ex. Bye bye.

misskatamari · 20/10/2024 09:20

He hasn’t changed. This is who he is. An immature misogynist arsehole who views women as objects. He very briefly presented as someone who wasn’t a complete piece of shit to try and draw you in, but thankfully covered himself in red flags pretty damn sharpish.

Run for the fucking hills. You’re not dating this man, you owe him nothing. He’s fucking appalling! Personally i would get myself some feminist content to consume (feminist TikTok is amazing, and I really rate the F the nice guy podcast), as I really wish stuff like this had been around when I was younger, to open my eyes to how fucking toxic many men are. Block this utter idiot and don’t give him a second more if your time. This is NOT about you. He doesn’t even see YOU. Be glad you found this out before you got any more entangled with him

newnamethanks · 20/10/2024 09:21

How old are you? He hasn't snt changed, that's who he is. Lose him, quickly, and stop responding or you'll find you've got a stalker.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 20/10/2024 09:22

He’s not changed, he’s just dropped his mask. He was on his best behaviour when you first met because he wanted something. Now you’ve seen the real him just be grateful you’ve found out now. You’ve dodged a bullet.

NigelHarmansNewWife · 20/10/2024 09:22

Do not respond. Block him. Sounds like a total wanker with misogynistic views.

thedevilinablackdress · 20/10/2024 09:24

Why is he like that?
Who the fuck cares. He IS like that. Stop all contact and forget him.

HazelPlayer · 20/10/2024 09:24

that all girls in my town are the same. He then started posting Snapchat stories saying my town is just full of snakes

There is one common denominator in all that.

HazelPlayer · 20/10/2024 09:24

He sounds like he drinks too much as well.

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