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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Speaking to someone new but he’s turned mean

141 replies

Teanadbisucits · 20/10/2024 09:07

I met a guy on a night out a few months ago, we got on really well instant connection - exchanged details - spoke for the first few hours but I didn’t hear anything back from him for nearly 2 months.

When he messaged me back finally the conversation just instantly hit of. He’s 26 works full time and has his own apartment. So we have spoke this week getting to know each other. On Tuesday he was drinking with his sister, he ended up calling my phone multiple times and multiple messages but I was asleep. The whole next day I didn’t really hear from him he said he was working and really hungover so he just didn’t have time I thought fair enough. He then asked me if I wanted to come round this his or the other way round. We made plans for Friday for me to go round to his after we both finished work.

well Thursday came and he was back
in the pub, he was asking all his friends about me ( we know mutual people we live in a small time) he basically just started messaging me telling me that my ex boyfriend from 2019 is a “ muppet” and that his friend has had run ins with him in the past. Sending messages and deleting it, I told him that I couldn’t be bothered with Friday because I think this is moving a bit quickly and we should take more time getting to know each other.

so yesterday he messaged me saying he doesn’t just want sex with me he wants to show me that he’s serious so a date. I didn’t reply for an hour because I was busy - he had sent me 3 more messages after this telling me that he isn’t going to bother wasting his time on me anymore, that I am a player a head fuck that all girls in my town are the same. He then started posting Snapchat stories saying my town is just full of snakes. I just ignored him because I couldn’t be bothered arguing with someone I hardly know.

later that night I was having a drink for my mates birthday which I made him aware of prior. He was sending me 1-2 minute long voice notes one after another I asked him if he could just type as I was with people, he said I’m obviously not surrounding my self with the right people if I can’t voice not him or call him. I said I can text because I’m busy for now he then proceeded to ask me if I’m stupid if I expect him to just text me. Told me he didn’t care about my mates and that he was “shag me and my mate” & then proceed to laugh it of as a joke.

( Saturday morning he messaged me telling me he needs to get alcohol because he was pissed off) he mentioned going to the shop right next to my house, he lives about 20 minutes away. He tells me that he never really bothers with girls he just has sex with them because they’re all the same. He said he’ll have sex with an ugly girl now and again to make him feel better - I told him to never talk to me again but I am just so confused as to why he’s suddenly changed

OP posts:
dreamer24 · 20/10/2024 10:38

he's a rat up a drainpipe covered in fleas.

I feel this is almost too polite. 🤣

MatchingBedding · 20/10/2024 10:39

No. No. No.

Fraaahnces · 20/10/2024 10:43

I’d be telling your mutuals that it’s clear he’s got issues when he’s drinking and you don’t want a bar of this aggressive, misogynistic, wanker.

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 20/10/2024 10:46

Well this sounds pretty dangerous doesn’t it. Unhinged angry male with a propensity to get drunk regularly and knows lots of details about you including your friends, house location, probably workplace too?

You need to keep all the messages. Write a very clear final message asking him to cease contact and block him. If he continues to find ways to contact you, you can then go to the police and hopefully they will have a word with him and he will back off.

Choochoo21 · 20/10/2024 10:46

You’re both being absolutely ridiculous.

Just tell him you’re not interested and then stop engaging.

It sounds like you both enjoying game playing.

If it’s this difficult before you’ve even met up then it’s just never going to work.

Lavenderblossoms · 20/10/2024 10:47

Not sure why you've entertained this fir so long? Sounds like you were dragging it out a bit too, like you weren't too keen to meet.

I certainly wouldn't have entertained someone who remembered I existed after 2 months. You can do better!

MikeRafone · 20/10/2024 10:48

NarnianQueen · 20/10/2024 09:09

He sounds like he's about 14. Don't give him any more head space.

this ^

block and don't look back

Mrsknowitall · 20/10/2024 10:49

Of he sounds like an absolute keeper 😂 so glad you saw his true colours sooner rather than later. He thinks it’s all the girls in that town but don’t realise it’s him who is the wanker, no wonder they all run from him lol

Demonhunter · 20/10/2024 10:50

I think @alertcat hit the nail on the head.

Forget him.

CameronStrike · 20/10/2024 10:50

I'm so confused about why you're still talking to him.

godmum56 · 20/10/2024 10:53

BelgianBeers · 20/10/2024 09:14

He didn’t change he was always a nob. After a two month gap it was never going to be much. The first mis step is their last. That includes demands or odd and multiple messages - I think you need to expect more and then you will see the issues earlier. I mean that nicely:)

this

Evaka · 20/10/2024 10:53

He sounded unhinged and dangerous from the start. Vom.

AgentJohnson · 20/10/2024 10:55

I told him to never talk to me again but I am just so confused as to why he’s suddenly changed.

He hasn’t suddenly changed, you’ve just found out that this is who he is. The him that you initially liked, was the front. You dodged a bullet, be thankful.

Sassybooklover · 20/10/2024 10:58

He's massively immature. Quite frankly I wouldn't waste another minute of your time on him. I certainly wouldn't bother to analyse his behaviour. Someone who blows hot/cold and wants to play 'mind games', then insults you along the way, is not someone I'd want to date. Block. Move on.

Lemonadeand · 20/10/2024 11:03

If there’s red flags and game playing at the start, walk away. Don’t waste your time.

Overtheatlantic · 20/10/2024 11:09

Raise your bar. This guy is a loser and probably an alcoholic.

Skyrainlight · 20/10/2024 11:10

He hasn't changed, he is just showing you who he really is. Steer well clear, he sounds like he has serious issues.

TimeFlysWhenYoureHavingRum · 20/10/2024 11:15

It sounds like he's one of Andrew Tate's disciples. This is what they do.

Richiewoo · 20/10/2024 11:17

He's showing you who he really is. Block him

Alalalala · 20/10/2024 11:18

He was just being nice at first to get you into bed as quickly as possible. It didn’t work and then his mask slipped.

Don’t give him another thought, he’s just a nasty waste of time.

TwistedWonder · 20/10/2024 11:26

Why are you wasting even 30 seconds headspace on this pathetic immature fuckwit?

Seriously he’s shown you loud and clear he’s a misogynistic dickhead who only sees women as shag material when he’s sober enough to get it up.

Dont give this twat another thought - block and move on

ChampagneLassie · 20/10/2024 11:29

I don’t think he’s suddenly changed, he just hid was giving his best effort to begin with but could only hold it for so long. You’ve dodged a bullet. Block and avoid. He sounds obsessive and abusive

TinkerTiger · 20/10/2024 11:38

Don't waste your time trying to figure it out. Just move on.

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 20/10/2024 11:38

What a prince ...

5128gap · 20/10/2024 11:39

He isn't suitable OP.