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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Speaking to someone new but he’s turned mean

141 replies

Teanadbisucits · 20/10/2024 09:07

I met a guy on a night out a few months ago, we got on really well instant connection - exchanged details - spoke for the first few hours but I didn’t hear anything back from him for nearly 2 months.

When he messaged me back finally the conversation just instantly hit of. He’s 26 works full time and has his own apartment. So we have spoke this week getting to know each other. On Tuesday he was drinking with his sister, he ended up calling my phone multiple times and multiple messages but I was asleep. The whole next day I didn’t really hear from him he said he was working and really hungover so he just didn’t have time I thought fair enough. He then asked me if I wanted to come round this his or the other way round. We made plans for Friday for me to go round to his after we both finished work.

well Thursday came and he was back
in the pub, he was asking all his friends about me ( we know mutual people we live in a small time) he basically just started messaging me telling me that my ex boyfriend from 2019 is a “ muppet” and that his friend has had run ins with him in the past. Sending messages and deleting it, I told him that I couldn’t be bothered with Friday because I think this is moving a bit quickly and we should take more time getting to know each other.

so yesterday he messaged me saying he doesn’t just want sex with me he wants to show me that he’s serious so a date. I didn’t reply for an hour because I was busy - he had sent me 3 more messages after this telling me that he isn’t going to bother wasting his time on me anymore, that I am a player a head fuck that all girls in my town are the same. He then started posting Snapchat stories saying my town is just full of snakes. I just ignored him because I couldn’t be bothered arguing with someone I hardly know.

later that night I was having a drink for my mates birthday which I made him aware of prior. He was sending me 1-2 minute long voice notes one after another I asked him if he could just type as I was with people, he said I’m obviously not surrounding my self with the right people if I can’t voice not him or call him. I said I can text because I’m busy for now he then proceeded to ask me if I’m stupid if I expect him to just text me. Told me he didn’t care about my mates and that he was “shag me and my mate” & then proceed to laugh it of as a joke.

( Saturday morning he messaged me telling me he needs to get alcohol because he was pissed off) he mentioned going to the shop right next to my house, he lives about 20 minutes away. He tells me that he never really bothers with girls he just has sex with them because they’re all the same. He said he’ll have sex with an ugly girl now and again to make him feel better - I told him to never talk to me again but I am just so confused as to why he’s suddenly changed

OP posts:
ElleintheWoods · 20/10/2024 11:50

Oh, girl… Absolutely none of this sounds attractive, how has he got your attention?!

Even the ‘talking for a few hours and then nothing’ initial bit should have made you think he’s a bit of a moron. It just get progressively worse from there from your description.

Just block him and don’t give him any headspace, he isn’t worth a Mumsnet post kind of headspace at any level. I don’t know you but you can 100% do much better, because pretty much any woman can.

His self esteem issues aren’t yours to sort out in any way. Even if you live in a small place, walk away + cold shoulder

GiveMeTheFormula · 20/10/2024 11:50

Ramblomatic · 20/10/2024 10:00

He then started posting Snapchat stories saying my town is just full of snakes.

For a 26 year old man he's got some serious Facebook Mum energy going on 😅

"Pure snakes round 'ere, just me and our Khaleesi from now on 🐍🐍🐍"

I've just inboxed you hun xxx

LAMPS1 · 20/10/2024 11:52

He has no idea what the word ‘relationship’ means. He just wants to use you for selfish sex. He has no respect for women.
He sounds like an immature 15year old low life of the sort girls try to avoid rather than try to attract. He relies on alcohol. He cares more about what his mates think. He’s very mean spirited and nasty with it. He has no self-awareness whatsoever.
You will NEVER EVER make sense of what he says. Stop trying.
I wouldn’t want my name on his lips ever. Have nothing more to do with him. Stay right away, avoid him like the plague and others like him!

GiveMeTheFormula · 20/10/2024 11:52

ThisHangryPinkBalonz · 20/10/2024 10:08

I bet he has a neck and hand tattoo 😂

Probably has one that says "mom/mum/family" in shitty cursive and another that has a skull with a rose in it's mouth/lion with a crown/pocket watch with the date of someones death in roman numerals

skyeisthelimit · 20/10/2024 11:54

It is extremely controlling for him to not let you go out with your friends and be contact free for an evening. and from the other side, there is nothing worse than being out and a friend is constantly messaging their partner all night.

Just block him and move on, he has shown you his true colours and you don't need to give him any more thought

coffeesaveslives · 20/10/2024 12:00

I can't understand why you haven't just blocked him? Why waste your time?

mindutopia · 20/10/2024 12:10

He sounds completely unhinged and like he has a substance abuse problem.

How have you even gotten this far in this situation? Christ, block him. There’s a reason he’s single. I hope he doesn’t know where you live.

MilletOver · 20/10/2024 12:43

He hasn’t changed, he was like it all along.

You can’t set so much store by an ‘instant connection’

The red flags were there from the 2 month message gap followed by ridiculously intense multiple messaging.

He sounds deranged and potentially dangerous.

Tell your friends to stop giving info about you!

MoonWoman69 · 20/10/2024 13:38

You sound like a pair of stupid kids to me! You haven't even been on a date with him, so why all the "wondering why he's changed"?!!! Madness!
You didn't know him that well at all and now you've found out what he is actually like, you need to leave well alone!
In fact, I'd suggest you don't get into any relationships for another few years yet. You're clearly not mature enough.
Block his number, he's clearly a player and by the sound of it and a psychopathic narcissist to boot. I hope to God you didn't tell him where you live!

PickAChew · 20/10/2024 13:42

He hasn't changed. He simply didn't manage to stay on his best behaviour for very long. Good riddance to him.

ThianWinter · 20/10/2024 15:58

He is a complete loser and it's time you lost him from your life. Nobody needs a misogynistic, immature, small-minded prick like him, he's just not worth another second of your time. Delete any more messages/voicenotes/snapchats and if you see him in person, either nod coolly in acknowledgement and say nothing, or blank him completely.

SinnerBoy · 20/10/2024 16:09

Block him on all systems and make like Florence Griffith-Joyner. Don't look back, don't engage and don't let him in if he comes knocking. He's poison, a top of the range arsehole.

Teanadbisucits · 23/10/2024 18:20

Just an update - I blocked him & left it at that .
I will take it as a lesson learnt

OP posts:
SinnerBoy · 23/10/2024 18:22

Good for you, well done, very sensible etc!

pictoosh · 23/10/2024 19:55

Glad you did. We all meant it...he was toxic.

You've done the right thing. If he manages or attempts to contact you, make it clear in one sentence that you do not welcome it.
Should the twat escalate you'll have your irrefutable message to back you up.

Most likely that won't happen. He'll write you off as an uptight bitch before moving on to someone else. But just in case, he certainly can't say he was in any way misled.

DeireadhFomhair · 23/10/2024 20:00

Good job, well done@Teanadbisucits 🫖 🍪 👏

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