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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Speaking to someone new but he’s turned mean

141 replies

Teanadbisucits · 20/10/2024 09:07

I met a guy on a night out a few months ago, we got on really well instant connection - exchanged details - spoke for the first few hours but I didn’t hear anything back from him for nearly 2 months.

When he messaged me back finally the conversation just instantly hit of. He’s 26 works full time and has his own apartment. So we have spoke this week getting to know each other. On Tuesday he was drinking with his sister, he ended up calling my phone multiple times and multiple messages but I was asleep. The whole next day I didn’t really hear from him he said he was working and really hungover so he just didn’t have time I thought fair enough. He then asked me if I wanted to come round this his or the other way round. We made plans for Friday for me to go round to his after we both finished work.

well Thursday came and he was back
in the pub, he was asking all his friends about me ( we know mutual people we live in a small time) he basically just started messaging me telling me that my ex boyfriend from 2019 is a “ muppet” and that his friend has had run ins with him in the past. Sending messages and deleting it, I told him that I couldn’t be bothered with Friday because I think this is moving a bit quickly and we should take more time getting to know each other.

so yesterday he messaged me saying he doesn’t just want sex with me he wants to show me that he’s serious so a date. I didn’t reply for an hour because I was busy - he had sent me 3 more messages after this telling me that he isn’t going to bother wasting his time on me anymore, that I am a player a head fuck that all girls in my town are the same. He then started posting Snapchat stories saying my town is just full of snakes. I just ignored him because I couldn’t be bothered arguing with someone I hardly know.

later that night I was having a drink for my mates birthday which I made him aware of prior. He was sending me 1-2 minute long voice notes one after another I asked him if he could just type as I was with people, he said I’m obviously not surrounding my self with the right people if I can’t voice not him or call him. I said I can text because I’m busy for now he then proceeded to ask me if I’m stupid if I expect him to just text me. Told me he didn’t care about my mates and that he was “shag me and my mate” & then proceed to laugh it of as a joke.

( Saturday morning he messaged me telling me he needs to get alcohol because he was pissed off) he mentioned going to the shop right next to my house, he lives about 20 minutes away. He tells me that he never really bothers with girls he just has sex with them because they’re all the same. He said he’ll have sex with an ugly girl now and again to make him feel better - I told him to never talk to me again but I am just so confused as to why he’s suddenly changed

OP posts:
toomuchfaff · 20/10/2024 09:24

YABU to even create a post

To type this all out and not have fkin run for the hills after having blocked him and anyone who colludes with him is insane.

Jesus's, I'd still block this one if he were the last man on earth. Absolute nutter.

Lampan · 20/10/2024 09:25

I only needed to read the title of your thread. Why waste a second more if you time on him?

S0CKPUPPET · 20/10/2024 09:25

PolaroidPrincess · 20/10/2024 09:13

He hasn't changed. This is who he really is and it didn't take him long to drop the niceties did it?

Block him and don't think twice about it.

This.

Spinet · 20/10/2024 09:26

God I actually feel a bit sorry for him as he just has no idea how to be a normal human. There is nothing you could have done to make someone behave like this. It is literally nothing to do with you, sounds like something has played out in his weird mind in front of you rather than you being part of it.

It's disappointing and I'm sorry but maybe you could see it as a lucky escape (or a trip to a freak show to see 'Man Unable To Function Emotionally ').

Brandnewskytohangyourstarsupon · 20/10/2024 09:27

There is no cure for being a fuckwit. He is a fuckwit.

Block.
The end.
Easy.
Next…!

pictoosh · 20/10/2024 09:28

I voted YABU but only because you are giving this utter twat any thought.

Dismissed out of hand surely?

offyoujollywelltrot · 20/10/2024 09:28

Oh dear. He's used his personality as birth control.

Jessie1259 · 20/10/2024 09:28

You didn't hear for him for 2 months - how has he changed? He was never a catch but he thought he could chat you into bed. You didn't behave how he wanted you to so now he's chatting shit about you.

He didn't suddenly change, he was always a dick.

GRex · 20/10/2024 09:29

Around the Thursday messages or after the first message on Saturday is when you needed to send a polite "I'm not interested in a relationship with you any more, so please stop contacting me."
I would also silence the messages or block for sanity at that point.

This is who he is, this is who he has always been, you just didn't know that before. You know now, so stop engaging and stip giving him head- space.

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 20/10/2024 09:29

Just block him, unless you want a lot of drama and chaos in your life.

DoAWheelie · 20/10/2024 09:29

He sounds like one of Andrew tates "tater tots" who run around crying about how women won't let themselves be abused these days.

Block him as it won't ever get any better.

MoveOnTheCards · 20/10/2024 09:30

What a nobber.

why haven’t you blocked him already? You need to raise your bar.

Bestfootforward11 · 20/10/2024 09:31

Ugh he sounds awful, just so toxic. No need to work out why, just know it’s nothing to do with you. Please don’t get drawn in, you deserve much better.

thebigL · 20/10/2024 09:32

Bin. Why would you even need to ask the question why? Do not give it any more space in your mind.

Bumcake · 20/10/2024 09:32

Who cares what his problem is. Block and forget he exists.

TartfulRidesAgain2 · 20/10/2024 09:32

Don't waste too much time trying to analyse and understand it. Maybe it wasn't so sudden? Maybe this is who he really is and the nice guy you were seeing in the beginning was just an act? Far better he's revealed his real self sooner rather than later because if you'd invested months in a relationship with him then found out he had such appalling views of women you'd feel even worse. Just block him and move on. It doesn't matter why he suddenly changed. What matters is that you know your worth and bin him.

Anywherebuthere · 20/10/2024 09:36

Don't bother wasting time thinking about him. Be grateful you've seen this side of him so early rather than if you had got close to him.

valentinka31 · 20/10/2024 09:37

He hasn't suddenly changed. From the start he had a thing of talking when drunk, then detaching. Because he is detached, depends on alcohol, and is desperate.

He is totally fucked up. Just drop it, don't reply, or just say sorry you're not in the right place for this at the mo, good luck matey goodbye

valentinka31 · 20/10/2024 09:38

unless you want to spend your time trying to make him better, which won't work and will cost you a lot and break your heart

DeireadhFomhair · 20/10/2024 09:38

It hurt my head to read all that. Block him, he's awful.

cushionfiend · 20/10/2024 09:38

The most worrying bit here is that you were planning on going round to his house alone after such a short acquaintance. I think you've had a lucky escape. Block him, move on and maybe question why you are giving this horrible man any further head space. And don't arrange to go round the homes of men you hardly know on your own! Please take care of yourself.

FromCuddleLand · 20/10/2024 09:40

And this is him trying to make a good first impression? What a prat. Seriously OP, if you are this desperate for attention get a cat!

McCheck · 20/10/2024 09:45

It doesn’t matter why he changed. Run!

Teenagequeenwithaloadedgun · 20/10/2024 09:48

He sounds childish, overly dramatic and nasty. Block him and don't give him a second thought.

Treacletoots · 20/10/2024 09:49

If someone hasn't already given you the life skills to recognise an arsehole when you see one. This is it.

The second anyone does anything disrespectful you block, ignore and walk away. People who are genuinely interested in you and your wellbeing and not just what they can get out of you for don't behave like this.

Raise your bar and block the second anyone behaves like a twat. In case you didn't get it, this one is a massive twat and not worth your head space