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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Speaking to someone new but he’s turned mean

141 replies

Teanadbisucits · 20/10/2024 09:07

I met a guy on a night out a few months ago, we got on really well instant connection - exchanged details - spoke for the first few hours but I didn’t hear anything back from him for nearly 2 months.

When he messaged me back finally the conversation just instantly hit of. He’s 26 works full time and has his own apartment. So we have spoke this week getting to know each other. On Tuesday he was drinking with his sister, he ended up calling my phone multiple times and multiple messages but I was asleep. The whole next day I didn’t really hear from him he said he was working and really hungover so he just didn’t have time I thought fair enough. He then asked me if I wanted to come round this his or the other way round. We made plans for Friday for me to go round to his after we both finished work.

well Thursday came and he was back
in the pub, he was asking all his friends about me ( we know mutual people we live in a small time) he basically just started messaging me telling me that my ex boyfriend from 2019 is a “ muppet” and that his friend has had run ins with him in the past. Sending messages and deleting it, I told him that I couldn’t be bothered with Friday because I think this is moving a bit quickly and we should take more time getting to know each other.

so yesterday he messaged me saying he doesn’t just want sex with me he wants to show me that he’s serious so a date. I didn’t reply for an hour because I was busy - he had sent me 3 more messages after this telling me that he isn’t going to bother wasting his time on me anymore, that I am a player a head fuck that all girls in my town are the same. He then started posting Snapchat stories saying my town is just full of snakes. I just ignored him because I couldn’t be bothered arguing with someone I hardly know.

later that night I was having a drink for my mates birthday which I made him aware of prior. He was sending me 1-2 minute long voice notes one after another I asked him if he could just type as I was with people, he said I’m obviously not surrounding my self with the right people if I can’t voice not him or call him. I said I can text because I’m busy for now he then proceeded to ask me if I’m stupid if I expect him to just text me. Told me he didn’t care about my mates and that he was “shag me and my mate” & then proceed to laugh it of as a joke.

( Saturday morning he messaged me telling me he needs to get alcohol because he was pissed off) he mentioned going to the shop right next to my house, he lives about 20 minutes away. He tells me that he never really bothers with girls he just has sex with them because they’re all the same. He said he’ll have sex with an ugly girl now and again to make him feel better - I told him to never talk to me again but I am just so confused as to why he’s suddenly changed

OP posts:
KungFuKitten · 20/10/2024 10:10

Read through your post again as if your best friend had written it . What would you tell her ? You know this man is a waster . Get rid .

FuckMeUpFlorida · 20/10/2024 10:10

Wow, what a Prince.

I think you know what to do here.

Thevelvelletes · 20/10/2024 10:12

Horrible wee bastard.
Move on there are definitely nicer ones out there.

Imfreetofeelgood · 20/10/2024 10:12

I voted YABU for continuing to engage with him. He hasn't changed, he has been like this from the start eg didn't bother contacting you for 2 months, despite the apparently wonderful connection on meeting. It is him who is the player, and an abusive one at that. Block.

dreamer24 · 20/10/2024 10:12

Saturday morning he messaged me telling me he needs to get alcohol because he was pissed off) he mentioned going to the shop right next to my house

Also. wtf? He "needs" alcohol on a Saturday morning because he's "pissed off"? Yak. In the bin with that. 🤮

Ohnobackagain · 20/10/2024 10:14

@Teanadbisucits he’s quickly shown you his true colours - in his eyes a GF is meant to drop everything to do his bidding and not have her own life. Also sounds like someone with drinking problems. Do you really want that in your life? Because he sounds awful. Raise your standards - better off on your own and happy than anything like what you described.

Bizarred · 20/10/2024 10:16

Doesn't matter why he's like that - he IS like that, so block him and never have anything more to do with him.

GreyCarpet · 20/10/2024 10:18

KungFuKitten · 20/10/2024 10:10

Read through your post again as if your best friend had written it . What would you tell her ? You know this man is a waster . Get rid .

This.

Come on, OP. Everything you've said about him is a red flag.

KitKat1985 · 20/10/2024 10:21

Calling a spade a spade: He was nice to you at first because he wanted sex, and then when he realised that wasn't instantly on the cards became nasty.

Run for the hills.

Dpresst · 20/10/2024 10:22

Mentally and emotionally he is a teenager. Drama and strops. Run like the fucking wind and never look back.

Notwhatuwanttohear · 20/10/2024 10:24

You meet some random on a night out and he ghosts you for TWO MONTHS and you still reply to him and then even worse carry on after all the other shit he does.

Honestly do you have any self respect?

NewDogOwner · 20/10/2024 10:24

He hasn't changed. He put on his best act to get a woman but he couldn't keep it up for very long. This is the real him. Run.

Dollychopsporkchops · 20/10/2024 10:25

He sounds like a red pill loser. Blaming women for his lack of relationship success when it’s obviously him that’s the issue. His weird lack of boundaries and personality switch ups are a red flag and deeply unattractive. Run!

YougoyourWay · 20/10/2024 10:25

The alarming thing is he knows your address.

HonoraBridge · 20/10/2024 10:27

Red flags all over! This creature is dangerous. He will bring nothing positive to your life. Please stop all contact immediately.

GreyCarpet · 20/10/2024 10:28

Notwhatuwanttohear · 20/10/2024 10:24

You meet some random on a night out and he ghosts you for TWO MONTHS and you still reply to him and then even worse carry on after all the other shit he does.

Honestly do you have any self respect?

Well exactly. After 2 months of silence, you should have ignored him then none of this would he happening.

This is one of those situations when a shit man is really transparent from the start and the responsibility lies with the woman to just not entertain him in the first place!

Propertyshmoperty · 20/10/2024 10:28

You've not invested any real relationship time into him. Just block and ignore. He sounds unhinged, why are you even entertaining him. You've not even had one proper date and he's being an abusive twat, do you really want that?

Also as others have said be hasn't changed he's just stopped bothering to put the nice guy front up as you weren't falling over yourself to be with him. What you're getting now is the real him.

Fruhstuck · 20/10/2024 10:28

I voted YABU because to me YAB totally U to think twice about having anything to do with this idiot again. He’s shown you what sort of man he is, what more do you need to just block him and move on?

He11oKitty · 20/10/2024 10:29

Ramblomatic · 20/10/2024 10:00

He then started posting Snapchat stories saying my town is just full of snakes.

For a 26 year old man he's got some serious Facebook Mum energy going on 😅

"Pure snakes round 'ere, just me and our Khaleesi from now on 🐍🐍🐍"

😂😂😂 “pm me hun”

what would be his mates’ equivalent? I can’t stop laughing at this anyway.

OP, he was never nice, he was trying to get you into bed and when it didn’t work quite as quickly as he hoped he started whining about it like a spoilt brat.

Mummyoflittledragon · 20/10/2024 10:32

My daughter is 16. He sounds as if he’s emotionally 16 tops.

Alwayswonderedwhy · 20/10/2024 10:32

Why would you give this manchild any headspace whatsoever?

Swanbeauty · 20/10/2024 10:33

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at OP's request.

yeaitsmeagain · 20/10/2024 10:36

Even if he was the nicest person in the world, his relationship seems to be with alcohol rather than anyone else. Who wakes up in the morning so desperate for a drink other than alcoholics.

Irridescantshimmmer · 20/10/2024 10:36

Block him, he's a rat up a drainpipe covered in fleas.

He needs to grow up and get out of muppet mode. Red flags all over the place with him.

ThornVampire · 20/10/2024 10:38

Why are you even bothering?

He is an areshole and I only read half your op