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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Speaking to someone new but he’s turned mean

141 replies

Teanadbisucits · 20/10/2024 09:07

I met a guy on a night out a few months ago, we got on really well instant connection - exchanged details - spoke for the first few hours but I didn’t hear anything back from him for nearly 2 months.

When he messaged me back finally the conversation just instantly hit of. He’s 26 works full time and has his own apartment. So we have spoke this week getting to know each other. On Tuesday he was drinking with his sister, he ended up calling my phone multiple times and multiple messages but I was asleep. The whole next day I didn’t really hear from him he said he was working and really hungover so he just didn’t have time I thought fair enough. He then asked me if I wanted to come round this his or the other way round. We made plans for Friday for me to go round to his after we both finished work.

well Thursday came and he was back
in the pub, he was asking all his friends about me ( we know mutual people we live in a small time) he basically just started messaging me telling me that my ex boyfriend from 2019 is a “ muppet” and that his friend has had run ins with him in the past. Sending messages and deleting it, I told him that I couldn’t be bothered with Friday because I think this is moving a bit quickly and we should take more time getting to know each other.

so yesterday he messaged me saying he doesn’t just want sex with me he wants to show me that he’s serious so a date. I didn’t reply for an hour because I was busy - he had sent me 3 more messages after this telling me that he isn’t going to bother wasting his time on me anymore, that I am a player a head fuck that all girls in my town are the same. He then started posting Snapchat stories saying my town is just full of snakes. I just ignored him because I couldn’t be bothered arguing with someone I hardly know.

later that night I was having a drink for my mates birthday which I made him aware of prior. He was sending me 1-2 minute long voice notes one after another I asked him if he could just type as I was with people, he said I’m obviously not surrounding my self with the right people if I can’t voice not him or call him. I said I can text because I’m busy for now he then proceeded to ask me if I’m stupid if I expect him to just text me. Told me he didn’t care about my mates and that he was “shag me and my mate” & then proceed to laugh it of as a joke.

( Saturday morning he messaged me telling me he needs to get alcohol because he was pissed off) he mentioned going to the shop right next to my house, he lives about 20 minutes away. He tells me that he never really bothers with girls he just has sex with them because they’re all the same. He said he’ll have sex with an ugly girl now and again to make him feel better - I told him to never talk to me again but I am just so confused as to why he’s suddenly changed

OP posts:
PeggyMitchellsCameo · 20/10/2024 09:50

I agree with all of the above and he’s clearly an alcoholic. When drunk, and often when not drunk, they can be nasty, selfish and hurtful.
Block him.

Coka · 20/10/2024 09:51

He sounds like a dangerous and contolling person. If he acts like this to someone he barely knows imagine how he would be as a partner. You would be a fool to ever have contact with him again.

Dawevi · 20/10/2024 09:54

I'm so confused by this post because you say you met him and chatted for a few hours on text. Then you didn't hear from him for 2 months and then for a few days you were chatting to him but he was already acting like a twat and then you agree to go and do a booty call with him (which I'm completely confused by, why would you after you that?) and then he's been more of a twat and you think he somehow changed. He hasn't changed. He's always been a complete twat and I don't understand why you were even entertaining him after he ignored you for 2 months and then suddenly popped up and invited you around for a shag, let alone all the other crap about constantly messaging you while you're out and being overly demanding and slagging off people in your town etc.

You really do need to raise your bar and your standards.

Leopardprintlover101 · 20/10/2024 09:56

He hasn’t changed, he is being his horrible self.

Block - he will not improve!!

pictoosh · 20/10/2024 09:57

Coka · 20/10/2024 09:51

He sounds like a dangerous and contolling person. If he acts like this to someone he barely knows imagine how he would be as a partner. You would be a fool to ever have contact with him again.

In a nutshell.

This is very outlandish and disturbing behaviour. Like, for most of us, there are red flashing lights and a siren blaring.
Personally, I would be scared that he had my phone number or any other means of contact and would be making sure he is blocked from every channel. I could not extricate myself faster.

Please come back any time for more relationships advice. It sounds as though you need it...and I'm not saying that to be unkind. This shit should be taught in schools.

AgnesX · 20/10/2024 09:58

How childish. Call it quits with this one. How can you even be bothered with such twattery.

Justcallmebebes · 20/10/2024 09:59

PolaroidPrincess · 20/10/2024 09:13

He hasn't changed. This is who he really is and it didn't take him long to drop the niceties did it?

Block him and don't think twice about it.

This. He was an idiot at the start of your exchanges

Also sounds like he can't handle his drink

FedupMumof10YearOld · 20/10/2024 09:59

This makes me feel really uncomfortable. I would not put up with that shit. Who the fuck does he think he is? How dare he demand your time in that way and make you feel you owe him a response.

Block block block.

Ramblomatic · 20/10/2024 10:00

He then started posting Snapchat stories saying my town is just full of snakes.

For a 26 year old man he's got some serious Facebook Mum energy going on 😅

"Pure snakes round 'ere, just me and our Khaleesi from now on 🐍🐍🐍"

SassK · 20/10/2024 10:00

You've described a ten a penny loser. You won't meet a decent guy on the drinking in each others houses scene.

Sethera · 20/10/2024 10:01

HazelPlayer · 20/10/2024 09:24

that all girls in my town are the same. He then started posting Snapchat stories saying my town is just full of snakes

There is one common denominator in all that.

He's coming across like an incel ...

Victoriancat · 20/10/2024 10:01

He hasn't changed he's just shown who he actually is under the facade, a lucky escape!

viques · 20/10/2024 10:01

He hasn’t “suddenly changed” he has probably always been a prick, but manages to put on a human face for a week or two when he is trying to impress someone new and get into their knickers.

Just thank your lucky stars you are not invested any more than you are, flush this one down the toilet where he belongs, block him and move on.

saltysandysea · 20/10/2024 10:02

So you are having doubts about an emotionally immature man with a drink problem who communicates like a 13 year old?

He was always mean but you just did not recognise it.

GroovyChick87 · 20/10/2024 10:02

Why wouldn't you just block him? He sounds like a nasty piece of work who's got issues. Immature and bitter with a chip on his shoulder against women.

dreamer24 · 20/10/2024 10:04

Jesus. This sounds like a story my teen daughter would tell me about one of her mates or something, she's only 18. Are you very young OP? Or is he very young? It all just sounds so juvenile. And yes, obviously he sounds bloody awful.

Livelovebehappy · 20/10/2024 10:04

Tbh, I would have blocked him after Thursday’s messages and shenanigans. Sounds like an immature twat. Lots of men like that around atm. Just block delete and carry on with your life.

Createausername1970 · 20/10/2024 10:04

He hasn't "turned mean", he is a nob.

I am actually more concerned that you can't see this without asking on here.

dreamer24 · 20/10/2024 10:05

Ramblomatic · 20/10/2024 10:00

He then started posting Snapchat stories saying my town is just full of snakes.

For a 26 year old man he's got some serious Facebook Mum energy going on 😅

"Pure snakes round 'ere, just me and our Khaleesi from now on 🐍🐍🐍"

Oh fucking hell just seen he's 26?! 😱
It reads like he's 19, tops.

dreamer24 · 20/10/2024 10:05

Pure snakes round 'ere, just me and our Khaleesi from now on

🤣

LittleGreenDragons · 20/10/2024 10:06

AlertCat · 20/10/2024 09:12

He has changed because he doesn’t think you’re going to have sex with him so he doesn’t have any ‘goal’. He has no interest in you as a person.

Block him and move on.

This. Because you refused to go to his house (for sex) he's now trying to make you feel bad. He's coming across as a Tate fan shudders Block him and be glad you cancelled going to his house.

womenarehuman · 20/10/2024 10:06

He didn't change. He's a savvy enough misogynist pig to know not to act and speak openly like a misogynist pig the first time he meets a prospective girlfriend/date/sexual partner/whatever. But he doesn't always remember to hide it when he's drunk.

Stop giving him head space, beyond maybe just a very short postmortem to figure out if there were any red flags you missed.

Beezknees · 20/10/2024 10:07

26 years old and posting on Snapchat about people being "snakes"? My 16 year old is more mature than that.

Lucky escape OP.

Dweetfidilove · 20/10/2024 10:07

YABU for entertaining this nasty, controlling, abusive drunk.

This is one where once you've written it down, you have a light bulb moment. Not stillbe confused.

ThisHangryPinkBalonz · 20/10/2024 10:08

I bet he has a neck and hand tattoo 😂