To wonder why more men don’t get the snip?

[Rainallnight]

When their family is complete.

Sparked by two (separate) people I know who recently got pregnant with or gave birth to their fourth child. Both shared freely that it was an accident - contraception failure. Life with 3 DC is full on and a bit of a struggle already in both cases. Neither felt abortion was an option for them.

When you’re 3 DC in and your family is complete, why on Earth are the men not going for the snip to bring an end to it all? And stop birth control being all on the woman?

I think men in general are more reluctant to contact doctors and this may be a factor in some cases.

And women are free to use the 1, completely failsafe, non risk contraception to avoid pregnancy... abstinence.

I honestly don't know. My DH and I had the conversation with the doc post our third, and the GP advised that the waiting list was 9 months for the snip. DH said that a lot can happen in 9 months!! We paid to go privately - far cheaper than a 4th child.

Like blue balls if their women don’t service them enough

Excuses.

Women don’t have babies just because a man wants one, surely?

Of course.

@orangeroll "I don't get it either. DH got the snip and I'm hugely grateful to him. He knew I had done enough, and that another baby (or difficult decision) was not in my or our children's best interests. If we break up or die neither of us plan to have any more children, we have our children, you don't need to collect them in different relationships."

I could've written this for myself word for word. My dh could see that it was his turn to 'take one for the team' and yes it hurt for a few days but he respects me and it really was nothing compared to what I had to go through to have our children.

No but if a man does want to be a father a woman has to go through a lot so that they BOTH can be parents.

As I said earlier on this thread, I think men don't realise what they are asking of a female partner when they both decide to have a child. They just take it for granted that the woman will go through it all and most don't give it a second thought.
And it's galling to hear on this thread of many woman who have been through that, often more than once, and have also taken the lead on contraception too who then find their partner won't undergo a simple procedure to increase the odds of them not having any more children because there is a small risk of complications!
But of course those complications are far worse than anything a woman could ever undergo... 🙄

Same here. Dc2 nearly broke me mentally and us as a couple and DH offered to have the op as he knew I'd been on the pill since my teenage years. He was 100% recovered after a couple of weeks.

Hard agree OP. Fine if men don't want to, but shockingly few of them ever have the same reservation about female family planning do they? They should reflect really fucking hard on that. They couldn't possibly take the tiny risk, but they're more than happy to let their wife. Repeatedly.
My DH had it 3 years ago, when I was pregnant with suprise #3. Best thing we ever did. He's influenced 2 friends so far, and he's from a culture where it's more unusual than here!
But these threads always go the same way - men should never be expected to do anything they don't really really positively want to...

Oh of course they do… the poor things. 🙄

Real men step up.

Yes, there will be a man along in a minute to tell us how terribly hard they have it.

Oh , and how nobody is forcing women to have children - of course the entire human race would literally die out if women didn't but hey...

Let's just wait for him shall we?

Always the same way. And usually the same men actually😂

Waiting lists are mental. DH called and was told to call the future to see if he can even get on the list.

DH only waited 5 months...
It can also be done privately from as little as £500 and up if he can't wait that long.
It's really not that difficult to access. That's an excuse. Not an actual barrier.

🤣 tell me the point went over your head without saying the point went over your head. Goodbye

Accept this but the question is why are men so unwilling to accept those risks and happy for their partners to take hormonal contraception etc which also carries risks and side effects?

Luckily my husband had a vasectomy! We did weigh up the risks of either one of us being sterilised and the risks were lower (and recovery was easier) if he got sterilised. Waited about 18 months for it to be done on the NHS.

The pill killed my sex drive and I had a nightmare time with the implant so I'm very against going on hormonal contraception and there is absolutely no way I'd get a copper IUD fitted (heard one too many horror stories of it failing and causing heavier periods).

Because they don't see it as their problem and despite the lifetime costs of birth control for women, think that their own bodies are much more important and are therefore unwilling to risk any minor side effects.

I had two horrendous pregnancies with multiple hospital admissions, physical issues following each birth etc. DH booked himself in for the snip within 12 months of DC2 being born. We had very little discussion, I knew I could never go through another pregnancy and he wanted to make sure that I never had to.

He's a keeper

It won’t be on him though you get pregnant, it will be on you both.

It can also be done privately from as little as £500 and up if he can't wait that long.
It's really not that difficult to access. That's an excuse. Not an actual barrier.

To be fair, £500 is a lot for some families, and in my area, the NHS does not fund vasectomies.

Obviously £500 is cheaper than a baby. But it's not cheaper than free female contraception. So that definitely can be a barrier for some couples.

OK. For the THIRD time on this thread, I didn’t say pregnancy wouldn’t be on me, I said contraception isn’t all on me.

An extra 1.9% of protection does not justify anyone pressuring my DH into having a medical procedure that he doesn’t want to have.

If another woman isn’t satisfied with those odds then that’s between her and her partner to resolve within their relationship.

Probably because the woman in the relationship more readily accepts it. Should she if she also doesn’t want to – of course not, but then she has every right to refuse as much as the man does.

A lot of men in America are now getting the snip much earlier than before due to the new abortion laws. Well the ones who care about their partner 😅