To wonder why more men don’t get the snip?

[Rainallnight]

When their family is complete.

Sparked by two (separate) people I know who recently got pregnant with or gave birth to their fourth child. Both shared freely that it was an accident - contraception failure. Life with 3 DC is full on and a bit of a struggle already in both cases. Neither felt abortion was an option for them.

When you’re 3 DC in and your family is complete, why on Earth are the men not going for the snip to bring an end to it all? And stop birth control being all on the woman?

Why don’t the men endure pregnancy, and childbirth, and common life-affecting side effects of those? Oh, it’s because women don’t have a choice to say “your turn, matey.” Material reality is a bitch.

Any man not prepared to have a vasectomy after his partner/wife has been through pregnancy and childbirth (and they have mutually decided no more kids) doesn’t deserve to have sex.

(Or at least, doesn’t deserve to have sex with a woman. What he does with his right hand or with other blokes is his own business.)

A vasectomy is quite frankly the bloody minimum women should be expecting.

My dad told my brother he was ashamed of him when DBro prevaricated about the snip. “I didn’t think we’d raised you to be a selfish coward.” I love my dad, he’s great.

There are probably many different reasons why they wont get the snip
but the one that came to mind first, and this is only because i looked out the window whilst reading this thread and saw my 50 something year old neighbour pull into his drive with his second wife and two young children.
So a factor could be they are worried about breakdown of the relationship and meeting another women after who perhaps wants children?😐

Because condoms and diaphragms exist - both of which take seconds to use and the likelihood of getting pregnant is as close to 0 as you can get. This makes undergoing an operation which has a 1 in 10 change of leaving him with permanent damage/ pain/ incontinence frankly a fucking stupid thing to do.

It's not if you have it during a C-section - I'm having it done next month during my third section - my consultant said it adds 5 minutes onto the operation and has no impact on recovery time.

The risk in failure, if done within a c-section is around 1 in 500. The risk of vasectomy failure is much lower, 1 in 10,000 however I do know of two families who had surprise babies post vasectomy!

Some men feel emasculated by having the snip.

Well, they often struggle with the concept of utilising a fucking condom.

Hardly surprising they're not queuing up to have surgery on their precious genitalia.

Still way less likely than the many, many risks associated with pregnancy and childbirth yet men are happy to send their partners "over the top" for that one.

And obviously women willingly go because it's how reproduction works but I don't think many men give much thought to what they are expecting their female partners to go through.

Oh my god, so keeping their options open, even if happily married currently?

Once again, I didn’t say pregnancy isn’t on the woman. I said contraception can be on the man.

No one ‘should’ do anything to their body as a blanket statement. It’s the sole business of the couple to come to a resolution if they disagree on contraception. The woman is perfectly able to accept or reject a contraceptive form just as a man is.

It's the woman who gets impacted the most, though.

No, they’re not. We spend £19.99 per year on bulk pack of condoms. This is enough for multiple times per week every week for a year.

😳😳😳 that doctor needs reporting. Cheeky bastard!

Sadly everything you've said is 100% spot on

I have been sterilised and am child free. We discussed at the time who should do it but honestly I was more than happy with it being me as I would never want children, I had better accommodation to take time off work, and also further time off should any complications occur. And to put it bluntly I would have had it done decades before but doctors don't seem to believe that women really don't want children.

As to societal reasons I think responsibility for children whether in marriage or after divorce typically falls to the women. I do think that as this impacts women more then it isn't a big priority for a lot of men.

I understand it. Life is unpredictable and you never know. I wouldn't want to have irreversible surgery that affects my reproducing. That's why I won't be getting my tubes tied, even though I think I'm done.

I get that it's an unpleasant thought, but the doctors are right to ask the men to carefully consider whether, if their current relationship broke down, they would want children with a new partner. It's not an insane question. For many women, a man who had had the snip would be an unsuitable date.

I don't get it either. DH got the snip and I'm hugely grateful to him. He knew I had done enough, and that another baby (or difficult decision) was not in my or our children's best interests. If we break up or die neither of us plan to have any more children, we have our children, you don't need to collect them in different relationships.

It’s the fear of chronic ball ache, according to male friends. I’m rather annoyed my husband won’t get it done. I hate condoms - they can make me sore.

My parents where desperate for 2 children

3 stillbirths later,she caught on with me

2 and a half years after me,along came my brother

Apparently getting the snip was mentioned as they had the girl/boy they wanted,but my father is a big baby when it comes to blood/his penis/the thought of an op so they used condoms

The one time they did it without using protection,my mother caught on with twins

From what I can gather,my father freaked out at the thought of any more babies and got over being a big baby and booked himself in to have it done (6 weeks after she had the twins)

My mother says he was out gardening 2 hours after having it done

(This came up when I was in my 30's-and believe me,I didn't want to know the details of my parents sex life)

I'm happy with the protection I have with dp (the coil) but if for whatever reason I couldn't use it anymore,dp would be going to get done or no sex-I know which he'd choose

Hmm, the "chronic ball ache" sounds like a convenient excuse for men to trot out.
Good job we don't use the fear of terrible contractions, the fear of being stitched post-birth, the fear of prolapse etc etc to stop us carrying kids & giving birth!

Men are so precious sometimes!

They’re keeping their options open, simple as that.

Yup!
And using "chronic ball ache" as their fail safe excuse..🙄

You're completely free to live your life child free or adopt if you don't want to put your body through pregnancy and the risks associated with childbirth. Just as men are free not to risk horrendous testicular pain, incontinence and impotence due to a botched vasectomy.

🙄

Life's all about choices. 🤷‍♀️

But if a man wants a baby a woman somewhere has to risk her health, her body and even her life to produce one.
Yes - even the children up for adoption.