To have stood my ground with SIL

[bagpuss90]

SIL is known for being quite pushy . I think I’ve posted about her on here before. She called me last night to ask if her son could borrow some camping gear from me (I’ve got loads of camping stuff) for an indoor activity with his cubs. I said yeh no problem . She asked if she could pick it up last night- I said no because I was getting ready to go out and didn’t have the time to sort it out. I said I’d do it over this weekend. I wrote it in my to do list. He doesn’t need the stuff til next weekend. Anyway 20 minutes later SIL was on my doorstep asking to pick the stuff up as she thought I’d forget and no I don’t have form for being forgetful. I had a cab picking me up in 15 minutes and I wasn’t quite ready . I probably was a bit short with her - telling her I’d already said I hadn’t got the time last night. She stomped off and messaged my DP (who was also out last night) to say how petty she thought I was being. I wasn’t being petty- the stuff is packed in the garage and I simply did not have the time to sort it . Was also dressed to go out and didn’t want to be raking about in a dusty garage. I’ve had a sarcastic message this morning from her .

Be direct back and say you already said you need time to find the equipment and you’ve asked her to wait. You will let her know when it is ready which will be approx eg Sunday afternoon. Then ignore all contact until you’ve got it ready.

You told her you'd do it later. It was rude of her to show up. I hope your DP backs you on this.

Tell her she can sort it out herself as she's been so rude and you're not lending her it now

She's being incredibly rude and I wouldn't be lending her anything without an apology and a recognition that her behavior was inappropriate.

I wouldn't lend her anything, first off for being rude and showing up as your heading out for the evening. But what would really send me over the edge is her messaging your DP, it smacks of getting a man to put his little woman in her "place". I hope your DP backs you up OP.

Absolutely not being unreasonable - who the hell does she think she is! I'd be tempted to message

"Sil, I told you I was getting ready to go out and instead you ignored me, and interrupted my evening anyway. I find this incredibly rude and disrespectful and expect an apology not sarcasm."

Why on earth was it so urgent? Does she have a problem with the word no more generally, if so id be using it far more regularly so she gets used to it.

No you weren’t petty.

Show her what petty is by refusing to let her borrow it now. Ignore the sarcasm. You don’t have time for rude sarcastic controlling people

I might add I even said I’d drop the stuff off

She’s really rude!

She thought she could ignore what you’d reasonably said, try and dob you in to your husband and then sent a rude message. Don’t give it to her anymore. I’d block her for a while you’re at it. She’s unbearable.

The cheek of her turning up like that!

What did your partner say to her?

I hope you enjoy telling her to take a trip to the camping shop to buy her own @bagpuss90 🤔😂

This

Do rude of her
Infantalising you by calling your partner too
If tall her to f off & sort it out elsewhere because I wasn't putting myself out to lend her anything

I reply to sarcastic messages with did you not understand my message that I said not now etc? I’m worried about your cognitive skills sil suggest you see your gp… or were you just being rude????

What was the sarcastic message she sent?

You are definitely not in the wrong here, she sounds completely un self aware if she followed that unreasonable, pushy behaviour up with a sarcastic message.

How I responded would depend on the the content of the sarcastic message, but I'd be tempted to tell her to get her own camping gear.

The thing is they don’t have much money and I don’t want her son to lose out - not his fault

She sounds an entitled madam then when she should be grateful that you've said yes and she won't have to find the money.

Your husband can sort her out if he doesn't back you.

Tell her jog on and he can't borrow it until she learns manners, suggest she buys it instead.

It’s normal accepted behaviour that those who want a favour from someone aren’t rude and sarcastic in their approach to gaining that favour.

I would even be tempted to send this as my reply to her message.

"SIL, do we have a problem here? I've offered to lend the gear to newphew, and I will, but I don't appreciate your attitude and turning up when I've told you I'm busy. The respectful thing to do is be grateful I'm lending it and wait until I have time to sort it.

I'm willing to overlook it on this occasion but I won't be lending anything in the future if you continue to do that. You can collect on Wednesday."

Your DH should reply to HER dh;
”the stuff is buried at the back of the garage and Bagpuss said she would dig it out for SIL this w/e and even offered to drop it over to you. She told SIL that she didn’t have time last night. Why on earth SIL thought that meant she could turn up on the doorstep demanding it immediately is beyond me. We will lend it to you, of course, as we don’t want nephew to miss out but she has been pretty rude”

What type of person shows up on the doorstep after being told not tonight?! CFs, that's who. Reminds me of the CF threads.

Speaking of which, we've not had a 'Describe your encounters with a CF' thread for a while! Someone please start one 🙏