To have stood my ground with SIL

[bagpuss90]

SIL is known for being quite pushy . I think I’ve posted about her on here before. She called me last night to ask if her son could borrow some camping gear from me (I’ve got loads of camping stuff) for an indoor activity with his cubs. I said yeh no problem . She asked if she could pick it up last night- I said no because I was getting ready to go out and didn’t have the time to sort it out. I said I’d do it over this weekend. I wrote it in my to do list. He doesn’t need the stuff til next weekend. Anyway 20 minutes later SIL was on my doorstep asking to pick the stuff up as she thought I’d forget and no I don’t have form for being forgetful. I had a cab picking me up in 15 minutes and I wasn’t quite ready . I probably was a bit short with her - telling her I’d already said I hadn’t got the time last night. She stomped off and messaged my DP (who was also out last night) to say how petty she thought I was being. I wasn’t being petty- the stuff is packed in the garage and I simply did not have the time to sort it . Was also dressed to go out and didn’t want to be raking about in a dusty garage. I’ve had a sarcastic message this morning from her .

Demand an apology from the cheeky so and so before lending her your camping gear. She's not the sharpest tool in the box so she could continue to be rude and entitled in the future.

The moment you put your foo down, idiots like this learn their place.

• foot not foo

Think I’d send her a bulldozer emoji followed by as she’s treating you badly, you’re taking g back the offer as you can’t be sure your gear won’t be treated in the same way and she’ll have to ask someone else

I'd send her a message saying she was out of order, that you'd already told her you'd get the stuff ready and bring it round but that you were going out that evening so it wasn't possible. You're willing to lend the stuff to your nephew this time and will bring it round on x date or have it ready to collect, but you won't lend things in the future if she is going to behave like this.

Rude and entitled CF

Because many of us have tried that and the CFs don't change their obnoxious behaviour.

I’d be really blunt back to the sarky message. She can dish it out, she can take it!

’🤣🤣 is that an attempt at sarcasm? Look, I love you and I don’t want to fall out with you so I’m going to be as direct as you! I don’t do being bulldozed. I’ll never do being bulldozed so don’t do it because you will never get anywhere with me with that nonsense 😄 I also don’t do being told that I’ll probably forget, because I won’t, and you know that. I said I’ll drop it round and I still will, when I said I will. That’s ME on MY time. I’m really happy to lend to nephew so like I’ve already said, see you Weds. And no, there’s no need to complain about me to DP either. Cheers x’

The OP had a conversation with her SIL - and the stupid woman still rocked up at the OP's door - uninvited.

That alone is reason enough to block the stupid fucker.

It sucks but I still wouldn’t lend it because I have a feeling she wouldn’t return it in proper condition or at all. She can ask the other camping group parents to help her out.

I don't know what your SIL sarcastic message was but I think I'd respond with.

'Hi SIL, I think what you meant to say was 'apologies for turning up yesterday and disrupting your evening. I really appreciate you putting yourself out for my ds. Please let me know when it's convenient to collect the camping gear and I'll come and get it then, with a bottle of your favourite wine as a sorry and thank you'

If not, feel free to borrow or buy the camping gear elsewhere.

Cheers OP.

Exactly.
OP was the adult.
SIL is rude entitled and disrespectful.
She has form for this behaviour.

I wouldn't trust someone like that to return my property the way they got it.

Some adults chase after rude entitled CF's.

Other adults drop the rope, avoid and refuse to reward rude, ignorant behaviour.

What was the sarcastic message and what did your DH say to her when she phoned, @bagpuss90 ?

So rude, I would be really pissed off if I was you.

That word wasn’t actually used, stand down.

I think you have not read the posts properly.

The word used is offensive because it is derived from another offensive word.

It is all explained quite clearly in the thread of posts.

The word fucktard was used. Which is derived from r*tard. And hence is offensive.

Why don't you sit down and engage your brain?

It's derived from/based on the word and is intended to call it to mind.

You know, when you know better you're supposed to do better, not argue for still being shitty.

So is your partner her brother? He needs to tell her in no uncertain terms to back off. Silly cow. Good on you for standing firm!!

For someone so easily offended, you’re pretty offensive yourself.

Fantastic!

Dear x, what's the urgency? Who is pressuring you?!" Is wed OK and should dp drop it off? Ps don't drag dp into this, he is not my boss.

She might need it sooner as they like to check all the equipment. But she should have said, not just panicked and turned up.

Good grief. I'm not easily offended. I answered a question. I wasn't the original poster regarding the word.

Tell her to borrow the camping stuff from someone else if your availability offer doesn’t suit her.

Feel free to start one yourself - we're overdue a good new CF thread!

Indeed. Most people understand that, when somebody is doing you a favour, you act considerately and work to their convenience - so that they don't withdraw it or decide it's too much hassle when you ask next time, even if not because you are just actually grateful for their kindness.

It tends to be not very bright people who respond in an entitled, demanding, bulldozery way as the recipient of favours - then they are puzzled as to why people stop offering/agreeing to them in future.

I’d be really cross, first because you said now, second because she then turned up! You’re not stupid, why on earth did she think turning up was a great idea when you’d told her not that evening? Is she normally this entitled?

To be honest @bagpuss90 if it was for her and not her son I would have said not to let her have it with that attitude, but you don't want the son to suffer. As you can tell from all the votes, nobody thinks you are being unreasonable, you should stand your ground. I hope your DP feels the same.