To have stood my ground with SIL

[bagpuss90]

SIL is known for being quite pushy . I think I’ve posted about her on here before. She called me last night to ask if her son could borrow some camping gear from me (I’ve got loads of camping stuff) for an indoor activity with his cubs. I said yeh no problem . She asked if she could pick it up last night- I said no because I was getting ready to go out and didn’t have the time to sort it out. I said I’d do it over this weekend. I wrote it in my to do list. He doesn’t need the stuff til next weekend. Anyway 20 minutes later SIL was on my doorstep asking to pick the stuff up as she thought I’d forget and no I don’t have form for being forgetful. I had a cab picking me up in 15 minutes and I wasn’t quite ready . I probably was a bit short with her - telling her I’d already said I hadn’t got the time last night. She stomped off and messaged my DP (who was also out last night) to say how petty she thought I was being. I wasn’t being petty- the stuff is packed in the garage and I simply did not have the time to sort it . Was also dressed to go out and didn’t want to be raking about in a dusty garage. I’ve had a sarcastic message this morning from her .

Cheeky madam!
(Her)

Message back with. ‘I was disappointed to receive your last message which was somewhat sarcastic. This is unhelpful. In the interests of a harmonious family dynamic I would very much appreciate am apology. I will be glad to locate and retrieve the camping gear for you if you respect me enough to oblige. It is important that we try to treat each other decently. I hope you also feel as strongly about maintaining mutual respect and a good relationship as I do.’ Then don’t answer until apology arrives - just resend, if you get more sarcasm.

Nothing to do with not having much money. Manners cost nothing and she I was very rude to you
o tell her to sling her hook and pop into Argos

Leave it to your DP to sort. He should reply to make it clear SIL is in the wrong, along the lines of "I've spoken to Bagpuss. She said you could borrow our stuff but wouldn't have time to dig it out of the garage until Sunday, so I'm not sure why you turned up when she'd said she was busy and now you're being rude to her. We will drop the stuff round on Sunday for DN, but please don't treat Bagpuss like that, especially when she's doing you a favour!"

Depending where she is on the scale of slightly annoying to total CF, I'd consider reducing contact to pleasantries and family events and leaving DP to handle anything he wants to do beyond that.

If you do end up lending it, I wouldn't be surprised if she just kept all. She is already being nasty and rude about it. I wouldn't lend it at all after her behavior.

Yes, this is certainly a trick that she might try.

She may frame it as you 'had too much stuff in the way of it' and 'couldn't get at it to use it when it was needed (i.e. demanded) anyway', so she's 'doing you a favour' - with no common-sense acknowledgement of the fact that most people store the less-often used things at the back and plan ahead for getting them just before they're needed.

When heard about the sarcastic message best response would have been:

Hi SIL. I understand that you think I am being petty. I have no idea why my expecting you to:

1. respect our arrangement made on the phone that I would sort and drop camping equipment at yours

1. not suggest I am forgetful based on no evidence whatsoever

1. trust me to do as I say

can be construed by you as petty. I consider my expectations entirely reasonable.

As arranged I will drop the equipment off at yours during the week.

Any response from.her that isnt an apology, just ignore!

Tell her her attitude stinks and she can buy her own bloody equipment.