To have stood my ground with SIL

[bagpuss90]

SIL is known for being quite pushy . I think I’ve posted about her on here before. She called me last night to ask if her son could borrow some camping gear from me (I’ve got loads of camping stuff) for an indoor activity with his cubs. I said yeh no problem . She asked if she could pick it up last night- I said no because I was getting ready to go out and didn’t have the time to sort it out. I said I’d do it over this weekend. I wrote it in my to do list. He doesn’t need the stuff til next weekend. Anyway 20 minutes later SIL was on my doorstep asking to pick the stuff up as she thought I’d forget and no I don’t have form for being forgetful. I had a cab picking me up in 15 minutes and I wasn’t quite ready . I probably was a bit short with her - telling her I’d already said I hadn’t got the time last night. She stomped off and messaged my DP (who was also out last night) to say how petty she thought I was being. I wasn’t being petty- the stuff is packed in the garage and I simply did not have the time to sort it . Was also dressed to go out and didn’t want to be raking about in a dusty garage. I’ve had a sarcastic message this morning from her .

She's very rude - when someone is doing you a favour you allow them to do it at their own convenience and accept gratefully whenever that is

Why do think you might have been unreasonable?

That is very kind of you. Is SIL your dp’s sister? Or is she married to your dp’s sibling?

I hope your dp stood by you and made it clear that her being that rude to you is not acceptable.

Good on you for having good boundaries.

She’s in the wrong for sure. The fact you told her you’re getting ready to go out for the night, and she rushes over to your home in the midst of that? She expected you to drop everything

'SIL, I'm doing you a favour and I am happy to do it but I won't be railroaded into doing so on your timeline or be accused of being petty because I stood up for myself last night. You knew I was going out so you really shouldn't have come over here making demands. I will drop the stuff off when I have time. If that doesn't suit you then feel free to find someone else to borrow from.'

Well, he SHOULD miss out.

Then he will understand that his mother is a loud mouth CF cunt.

Jesus, are you ok? Maybe it's time to step away from Internet forums if you are getting so riled up about other people's problems.

Fwiw op I would probably text her husband and say look I said you could have it when it's ready. Can you let sil know I'll drop it round then.

And she knows that, and will use your kindness and care for her DC to wipe her boots on you. That is how this type operate, "what about DC, boo hoo". She should have thought about her own DC before she fucked off the person doing her family a favour.

@HelplessSoul do you know the origin of the word you used here? Do you know how offensive it is?

Surely it's common knowledge that the R word and any derivative of it should never be used.

I'd leave it with DH to sort out now. He can organise it and get it ready for SIL to pick up. I wouldn't reply to her sarcastic message at all and wouldn't be going out of my way to help SIL again (nephew is different).

What did your DH say to her?

Good grief!

Id message back 'did you mean to be so rude?'

You're doing her a favour and she's giving you grief. I'd show her real pettiness and revoke the offer completely.

What a bloody weirdo!

I’d quote my own message saying you couldn’t get the the stuff sorted straight away and reply to her saying - like I said, I couldn’t get anything sorted out last night, if you want to still borrow it sort it with DH.

But there are consequences for rude, entitled behaviour. I hope her kids don’t end up like her but without boundaries they will. Do not feel guilty - stick to your boundaries and leave them to it.

This

Please tell us what he said

I would be lending her fuck all after this 😂 But then again, I can be stubborn about teaching people a lesson 😀

Bizarre behaviour- so unnecessary, especially crying to your DP and sending you a snarky message. has she got for, for this?

just don't reply to her.

let her come to you. That will make her ask about coming round.

Personally I would glide graciously over the top of the whole pushy incident and give her the stuff if she comes round and wish the kid a nice time. Don't get dragged down into this rubbish.

go NC with her and tell your husband that his sister is mentally too unwell and needs to see a GP and that she is his problem from now on

Sil, there's no need to he telling on me like a child or the sarky reply you sent earlier. I did tell you I was too busy to sort it last night so I don't know why you chose to ignore that and turn up anyway? It was a bit unreasonable of you to have expected me to go and dig about in the dusty garage getting camping gear ready whilst I was getting ready to go on a night put, especially when the equipment isn't needed urgently.

I'm interested in this part too.

However based on her attitude to you AND trying to get DP to "have a word" with you would mean I wouldn't lend her anything again unless she did a big apology first.

@bagpuss90

“Hi SIL,

As I had told you when you asked me, I will
sort the camping equipment during the week end and I will text you when they are ready to be picked up.

since you made it clear that you dont like this timing and as I cannot and will not change my plans at such short notice, I suggest you borrow the equipments from someone else.

here is the contact detail of the nearest shop and of your brother.

best regards,

xx”

Sorry if I’m being blind but which word do you mean?

She sounds horrendous, obviously playing on your good nature.
I would get the stuff together, let her come and pick it up, then tell her if she rides roughshod over you in the future you won't be so generous.