To have stood my ground with SIL

[bagpuss90]

SIL is known for being quite pushy . I think I’ve posted about her on here before. She called me last night to ask if her son could borrow some camping gear from me (I’ve got loads of camping stuff) for an indoor activity with his cubs. I said yeh no problem . She asked if she could pick it up last night- I said no because I was getting ready to go out and didn’t have the time to sort it out. I said I’d do it over this weekend. I wrote it in my to do list. He doesn’t need the stuff til next weekend. Anyway 20 minutes later SIL was on my doorstep asking to pick the stuff up as she thought I’d forget and no I don’t have form for being forgetful. I had a cab picking me up in 15 minutes and I wasn’t quite ready . I probably was a bit short with her - telling her I’d already said I hadn’t got the time last night. She stomped off and messaged my DP (who was also out last night) to say how petty she thought I was being. I wasn’t being petty- the stuff is packed in the garage and I simply did not have the time to sort it . Was also dressed to go out and didn’t want to be raking about in a dusty garage. I’ve had a sarcastic message this morning from her .

I'd message back saying
"I'm thinking your sarcasm and rudeness towards me means you no longer want to borrow the camping equipment.
No worries as it saves me having to spend my time sorting it out"
Hope DN enjoys the weekend.

If she continues or moans to your DH he always has a choice to sort it out for her.

She's a nerve. Although it sounds as though she pushes and tramples to get her own way and a bag to put it in.
I think you did the right thing standing your ground last evening. Get the camping stuff out in your own time and send it round with your partner. If she chooses to not engage with you, fine, but she's burned her bridges with you over this.

You're entirely in the right OP, so you really don't need to do anything other than repeat why you were in the right and then ignore her.

Yes this is probably the answer but the petty side of me would not want to give her the items anymore. Ungrateful.
I'd still do it for nephew but would expect partner to tell her she is being unreasonable and should make amends for her demanding behavior.

This is ideal.

Just stick to your original offer, it shows you stay true to your word and you're not to be fucked with

Wow. What a prize cow your sil is.

Yes, this would really piss me off, the attitude that if she appeals to a 'higher power', you can be put back in your box. I'd be messaging her saying, 'It's the 21st century - no man tells me what to do and you can buy your own camping equipment now, you fucking ingrate.'

This.

Let your partner deal with her.

Now she ain't getting nothing from me! How about that!🙄

I have a feeling SIL thinks you have an awful lot of ‘stuff’ she doesn’t have and while she may resent it also feels entitled to use it. And she’s already told her son it was fine to borrow and that she was off to pick it up.
When you have quite rightly told her your situation she’s got the hump and messaged her brother, which is childish and pathetic.
She may be short of funds but she can’t expect you effectively to provide for hobbies on her say-so.
That’s her job.
You sound really generous OP so in this occasion talk to your DH and get him to drop the gear off - I think it’s really sad that SIL’s son had to deal with the consequences of his mother’s actions.

SIL sounds like a nightmare. Well done for standing your ground.

Bloody rude!

What did her message this morning say?

All future requests would certainly be declined without hesitation. Dp can honour this one and I would be distancing myself without an apology op.

I have the odd pushy sort in my life and the only language they seem to understand is radio silence and grey rock, anything else will start an argument due to their entitlement.

I think it's important to indicate you are unhappy with her approach (not listening or respecting your time, messaging DH and being sarcastic) You are happy to still lend nephew the kit but expert her to be more respectful from now on.

Is she always like that? You said not this evening, but she still turns up! Have you replied to her?

Message her back today and say you will honour the promise to lend the stuff because you don't want to upset her son, but that she was out of order and you won't be lending again in future.

She sounds like very hard work. Hope your DP backs you up.

She sounds like a very passive aggressive turd. Very much like my SIL 😂

I’d send this tbh.

This is PERFECT!

I need you as a friend to advise me how to respond to the overbearing people in my life

I wouldn't lend it to her at all now. Just drop her a message saying you checked your garage and can't find it.

Complete CF.
I wouldn't give it to her and I would block her number.
Rude and unacceptable behaviour.
Push back hard.

All the "block" and "no contact" suggestions are so dramatic. Whatever happened to resolving things with a conversation. Like adults.