To think that friends should always come before partners?

[HonestBrickSquid]

I value my friendships immensely and feel that friends should always take priority over romantic relationships. Is this a reasonable stance, or is it unfair to expect others to put their friends first?

Why? there is room for everyone.

I’m not sure why one has to be prioritised over the other. Both are important.

I think it depends on quite a lot of things.

Tell me you are 13 years old, without telling me you are 13 years old

Depends how serious you are with your "partner"

It depends on the situation. You're wrong to think this is a universal stance.

My partner would be me priority

I would prioritise DH over friends, but can’t really think of when I’ve needed to. There’s room for everyone. Unless you’re 12.

Even if you choose to prioritise friends over your partner, there’s no rule that they need to afford the same courtesy, if that’s what your drip feed is going to be about.

I mean, life or death Sophie’s choice scenario. I’m choosing my husband.
Going out at the weekend, probably my mates.

I've never had to choose.

Partners are family, if you mean partner as in life partner rather than a boyfriend of three weeks.

Friends are important, but family is family.

Your position is very unusual.

It doesn't have to be one or another.

Eh I kind of found it changed once I'd left sixth form and got married. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Looking at it the other way, would you want to be in a romantic relationship with someone who never prioritised you? I wouldn't.

Can't think when this would come up on a regular basis outside of the teenage years though.

Sorry to derail the thread but your username 😂😂 an ode to my early 20s.

can he get out,
will he get out,
course he will.

Depends what you mean by priority. And partner. I've been married for nearly 20 years - if H and my bf both needed a hospital visit/ kidney I'm afraid it would choose H. If bf needed a hospital visit and H was feeling lonely and needed a cuddle, bf, but he wouldn't argue with that.

Well it completely depends.

Friends or a fella you've known a week - friends obv

Friends or your partner of many years - partner

Of course, really you should never be in a position you need to chose as you should be able to have both so I guess the issue is if anyone is making you feel you need to chose - then that is the issue.

True, there is room for everyone, but I sometimes feel like friendships can take a backseat when people get into relationships. I just wonder if it’s fair to expect that balance to shift, or if it’s inevitable.

Husband/father of my kids comes first

If it's a short-term partner and long-term friends, sure. I don't have any friends who are long-standing enough or close enough to take priority over the man I've been married to for 20 years though!

In what situation?

Ditching my friend of 10 years for a New Romantic partner? YANBU.

Cancelling plans on my friend last minute because my husband’s parent had died? YABU.

It depends on the context but if you fee your friend isn’t there for you, then you don’t need to continue the friendship.

Tell me you prioritise your partner over your friends, without telling me you prioritise your partner over your friends.

Balance in any friendship is going to shift, things can never stay the same for years on end. Relationships, jobs, kids, hobbies etc etc - these are all going to tip the balance a bit, thats just life.

How old are you, if you don’t mind me asking?

I’m in my 50s and been with my husband since we were 17. In those years, friends have come and gone. Some because they moved away for work, some because they were in a different life stage to mine, and others because we just drifted apart naturally. My husband has been beside me through thick and thin, he has parented our children alongside me, and we share our innermost thoughts with each other.
He comes before friends every single time, as would I for him.

Having said that, every one of my friends is in a stable relationship where they’d choose each other over friendships. The difficult choices right now is between partners, and the needs of elderly parents and/or children