To think that friends should always come before partners?

[HonestBrickSquid]

I value my friendships immensely and feel that friends should always take priority over romantic relationships. Is this a reasonable stance, or is it unfair to expect others to put their friends first?

When someone gets a new friend or a partner, something in the existing balance will shift.
It isn't a point of always prioritising one over the other, it is about balance.

In situations where friends get pushed aside for the sake of a relationship, or when people start cancelling plans or forgetting about their friends once they’re in a romantic relationship. Does that count?

Of course many women would prioritise their husband of many years and father of their children. He is probably also their best friend. That is not unreasonable and YABU to suggest it is.

The Spice Girls are for dancing to, not taking life advice from...

If it is a husband (or wife) or pretty much that (but not legally) then they should come before any other person.

I used to get really cross when friends met a man and disappeared for 3-6 months but then another friend once quite casually said "well we don't be seeing her again til June (or whatever)' when a mutual friend met someone and it made me realise that actually it's human nature to do it, perfectly birthday, and if you accept that your friendships and life go along a lot more easily.

Love this post 🤣🤣

What you’ve shared really highlights the strength of your bond with your husband. I can see how long-term commitment like that would naturally come first. I’m in a different stage of life where friendships are my main support system, so it sometimes feels strange when people prioritise romantic relationships. I guess it all depends on where you are in life and the relationships you have. Your point about balancing relationships with elderly parents and children is also something I hadn’t considered yet.

I think friends shouldn't drop you for a new romantic relationship. I think room should me made for everyone. Friends really are important and it's the people who drop their friends who often end up lonely in later life.

I meant perfectly normal, not perfectly birthday! 😁

Not sure I'd prioritise a friend over my husband- my life partner of 22 years, father of my children and the person I live with.
I do really value my friendships but I don't see why I should prioritise them over my marriage

Thank you for understanding! It’s reassuring to know I’m not alone in feeling that way. Friendships really do matter, and it’s tough when they start to take a backseat.

I would prioritise OH over friends. I live with him and they have people they live with. However I'd prioritise my friends over most of my family as they've never done anything for me over the years.

All this "Blood is thicker than water" guff is just nonsense.

You sound very young.

I've been with my partner for more than 15 years, we've lived together for most of that time. We own a house and are expecting a baby. Lots of friendships have come and gone for both of us in that time. I love my friends but it would be very strange of me to prioritise them over my partner and the life we've built together. The same way that I understand that my friends' relationships with their partners should take precedence over me.

I agree with previous posters - it depends on context! Flaking on you to go out with a new crush incessantly is unfair and you wouldn’t be unreasonable to be annoyed. Missing an arranged night out with friends because a life-long partner is very sick/had a bereavement/big life change etc. then you would be unreasonable to expect them to come.

Some of us have our cake and eat it. I married my best friend, and utter soul mate.

Forgive me, I think you might be still at the “boyfriend” stage, nothing wrong with this, but once you commit to someone, either married or as a long term partner, your relationship with friends will change a little bit. There possibly won’t be as much time spent with friends, but that doesn’t mean the love, liking and respect you have for them changes, but it’s quite likely that your friends themselves will be going through the same life phase. You adapt. But I could never imagine not putting my life partner first.

Yes, this is exactly what I meant as well

Are you the one not currently in a relationship, op?

I don’t think it’s a matter of prioritisation, just a life shift. Before I met my partner I used to go out a lot, and then just went out a bit less when we got together. I now spend more time with him because we live together and my friends have moved about - we all now live in different areas. It’s not about who is more important at all, it’s just that life happens!

My friendships are important. My marriage is important. I can't say I've been in a situation where I've had to make a direct choice between one or the other. There have been times where either important relationship has required more of me. Sometimes my friends come first if their situation demands it - my husband wouldn't want me to be less of a friend to the people I love. I don't think I would have married him if he wanted me all to himself all the time!

I think something shifts when people start getting serious, married, kids etc. As a married mum, my kids and husband come above all my friends. Doesn’t mean I don’t love them or make time for them, I certainly do!

I prioritise my partner - I love him, see him daily and share my life with him. Friends… I share bits of my life with but it’s very very different.

I guess, using your language, he’s my best friend.

You silly muffin

It's compromise surely, in the early stages of a dating relationship no way would I prioritise a man I had just started seeing over girlfriends of several years (yes Phoebe I mean you)

You can't be much over 13 yourself using 'tell me... without telling me'.