To begrudge her perfect little life

[Sistafromanothermista]

I’m struggling to articulate this but I have a friend who I actually really like as a person but can’t help begrudge her life sometimes.

we went to school together and she was a high flying achiever. Type A person who was never in trouble but pushed boundaries if she thought teachers were wrong or there was an injustice etc. She was a workaholic and wanted to focus on her career with no time for boys, alcohol and ‘distractions’ like that.

we lost touch for a few years and got back in touch recently and I feel I don’t know, demoralised maybe, because of how her life has turned out.

when we met up again she told me she’d met someone (I was happy for her because I knew she had been in an abusive relationship for a while) and was happy. She then goes on to show me pictures of his proposal (think movie style every girl’s dream rose petals and swan towels) and says they’ve booked their wedding. Again all good.

she THEN proceeds to tell me shes 16 weeks pregnant and her and her fiancée had bought a house. I without thinking asked how can you afford all this…of course miss workaholic accelerated in her finance role.

since we’ve gotten closer she’s had her wedding and just so happened that her husband has made friends with my friends through a hobby. They all went out recently (as in all the men), including my own boyfriend. They went to a more sleazy part of town and I (and this is so horrible I know) asked specifically about my friends husband to see if he’d been upto anything (a couple of the other men had). Apparently her husband talked about her the whole night, didn’t drink alcohol and went home early because he missed her.

just tonight she text me to tell me she’s expecting another baby and how she would love to meet for lunch. She’s a lovely woman and she has a heart of gold and she should obviously be so proud of herself but for fuck sake I just feel like I can’t catch a break around her sometimes. Aibu?

edited to say: she’s stunning by the way. She was always attractive in school but when I saw her again she looked like a real elegant type of stunning. I’m not bad myself but again I just feel a bit bleugh when I’m with her.

OP, you sound very jealous.

Maybe look at your own life and figure out what is so wrong with it that makes you envy this woman’s?

The story of someone’s proposal wouldn’t hit my radar and the stuff about her partner wanting to leave a sleazy bar early to be with her doesn’t make him a hero - it just means he’s not a sleaze.

I would honestly look at what is going on in your own life that is making you compare to this woman’s.

Indeed

Right, so she had head down bum up, worked hard, has achieved and is now reaping the rewards.

You, in comparison, did not work hard, have not achieved as much and, accordingly, don’t have as many rewards.

And, you were hoping her DH would be ‘caught out’ playing up so you could be somehow better than her.

Maybe put your back into working hard and getting ahead and then you will be on ‘even footing’ and won’t have to bitch about someone who has done this.

This is your problem. Your envy and resentment seeps through your post and it’s not a good look.

Be a good friend to yourself and to her and take a step back. Listen to yourself and ask yourself if you are being fair or kind.

If you can’t be a friend to this woman without being bitter or spilling a load of personally identifiable stuff about her on the internet you are not in a place to be a friend to her at all. Do the decent adult thing and step away and get some counselling to work out why you feel so triggered by this woman’s success. It may help you become a better version of yourself.

I actually feel a bit sorry for her, for having a friend like you. OP you are being very unreasonable. Do yourself and her a favour by distancing yourself.

I'm not sure that having been in an abusive relationship is something to envy.

Give yourself a shake and be happy for her.

This is a YOU issue.

You’re just different- that’s ok!

Don’t compare your lives; they can’t be the same. Try reframing it in your mind so that you’re happy for her. She’s had her shit time, and now things are good. Doesn’t she deserve that?

I wouldn’t want my husband to be ‘obsessed’ with me, and that’s ok. I’m happy with our relationship because we both enjoy the freedom to do our own thing, whilst still loving being a partnership.

Bahahahahahah

Some people do seem to fall in shit and come up smelling of roses, but she's not had it easy at all, you said she was in an abusive relationship previously.

The saying comparison is the thief of joy, springs to mind. Firstly you don't know what goes on behind closed doors and secondly you need to stop comparing your life with hers. Maybe she's just a positive person, glass half full and it's that you are picking I on.

Hang on, judging by the beginning of your post about how she was a hard-working high achiever at school who pushed boundaries if she saw injustice, I thought you were going to say you ‘begrudged’ her the fact that she was the global CEO of Medecins Sans Frontières or something while your job involved banging your head off a wall.

But all this envy is because she got married, via a proposal involving swan towels and rose petals, to a man who didn’t shag a prostitute on a night out and has had two children with him?

Snorted tea. Genuinely amused by this.

That was a special touch I agree. Swan towels as the height of class and discernment LOL.

I want a proposal involving antimacassars and embroidered tea cosies…

You asked her how she can afford her life? Fucking hell. You are no friend.

BTW rose petals and swan towels are not every girls dream🙄

Yes, awful. You clearly were hoping her DH had cheated.

I think you're the mean girl! The OP has been honest about how she feels on an anonymous forum to seek support so she doesn't upset her friend or spoil the relationship.

We all have times we feel uncharitable. We're all human beings after all. It doesn't mean we act on it.

OP you need to look at yourself and your life and what's missing there. Envy will make you really bitter if you don't sort it out.

I don’t get it. Swan towel proposal means she got proposed to in a hotel room? I’m not one to yuck anyone else’s yum but that’s not movie unrealistic glamour is it? It’s just what you get on holiday. I’m not dissing her by the way, how lovely that she is happy and content in life. I just find it weird that you find it something to knock her down with. It says more about you than her.

Focus your energy on improving your own life OP, best way

The ring box could be draped in an elaborate antimacassar which could be whisked off at the key moment for maximum effect, while the bride-to-be for once doesn’t have to feign surprise for Instagram, because she’s genuinely wondering why her bloke has brought something from her great-granny’s armchair up the Eiffel Tower…

You aren’t her friend. Leave her alone and work on your own happiness. At the moment you sound mean.

Respectfully, you sound extremely bitter and I’d even suggest you start to step away from this friendship. You don’t sound like you actually like your friend, and seem to be getting nothing from the friendship other than resentment. Your friend sounds lovely, I’m not sure it’s good for her to have someone who is actively hoping for something in her life to go wrong (be honest, you’d have loved it if her boyfriend had turned out to be sleazy).

I had a friend just like you OP, it came to light years later she felt just like you.

But what she’s didn’t know was I have perfect girl syndrome from an emotional lacking childhood with an eating disorder and multiple miscarriages.

What I’m trying to say is no one is perfect, she will have issues going on you are not aware of. She’s been in an abusive relationship…doesnt she deserve a good partner?

I haven't RTFT but couldn't help noticing that in your description of her 'perfect life' you casually drop in that she was in an abusive relationship for a while. Not so perfect then.

You sound quite nasty about her tbh.

You sound very unhappy OP. Channel your energy into making positive changes to your life instead of feeling envious of ‘your friend.’
Id also distance yourself from this lady as you must know you are being petty and jealous. It’s not her fault she is stunning and seems to have it all. She must likely worked hard for everything she had achieved and no one has a perfect life despite appearances.
If she’s a good friend to you then be grateful to have her around. It’s sounds like you cant feel this way atm so work on yourself and your issues.
Maybe try CBT to conquer negative thought processes.

People like you are toxic. Sort your own life is and take a look at yourself.

She sounds awesome.

None of this is unachievable. You should go to therapy. I hope this girl cuts contact with you, you sound like a terrible “friend”