To begrudge her perfect little life

[Sistafromanothermista]

I’m struggling to articulate this but I have a friend who I actually really like as a person but can’t help begrudge her life sometimes.

we went to school together and she was a high flying achiever. Type A person who was never in trouble but pushed boundaries if she thought teachers were wrong or there was an injustice etc. She was a workaholic and wanted to focus on her career with no time for boys, alcohol and ‘distractions’ like that.

we lost touch for a few years and got back in touch recently and I feel I don’t know, demoralised maybe, because of how her life has turned out.

when we met up again she told me she’d met someone (I was happy for her because I knew she had been in an abusive relationship for a while) and was happy. She then goes on to show me pictures of his proposal (think movie style every girl’s dream rose petals and swan towels) and says they’ve booked their wedding. Again all good.

she THEN proceeds to tell me shes 16 weeks pregnant and her and her fiancée had bought a house. I without thinking asked how can you afford all this…of course miss workaholic accelerated in her finance role.

since we’ve gotten closer she’s had her wedding and just so happened that her husband has made friends with my friends through a hobby. They all went out recently (as in all the men), including my own boyfriend. They went to a more sleazy part of town and I (and this is so horrible I know) asked specifically about my friends husband to see if he’d been upto anything (a couple of the other men had). Apparently her husband talked about her the whole night, didn’t drink alcohol and went home early because he missed her.

just tonight she text me to tell me she’s expecting another baby and how she would love to meet for lunch. She’s a lovely woman and she has a heart of gold and she should obviously be so proud of herself but for fuck sake I just feel like I can’t catch a break around her sometimes. Aibu?

edited to say: she’s stunning by the way. She was always attractive in school but when I saw her again she looked like a real elegant type of stunning. I’m not bad myself but again I just feel a bit bleugh when I’m with her.

@Thepeopleversuswork

I don't disagree, she asked if its unreasonable, most people will say yes. But, it seems that ops post was hopefully part of that process of acknowledging her shortcomings. There's a way of offering insight without minimising or excusing bad behaviour. I'd say you have done that yourself in your post, you've labelled her behaviour as disruptive, and said she should be an adult, that's a world away from telling someone she's disgusting and should have no friends.

Amen sister.

Because I've entered a discussion? Thats far more worthy of time than reading a 20 odd page pile on.

These are my exact thoughts too.

The post was spiteful. There is no way to sugar coat that.

Not sure why you feel envy over your friend’s life if you consider it ‘little’.

There's that. It's such a dig.

OP I think you’ve done well to identify these feelings you’re having.To overcome them you should take active steps to do something to boost your self worth and achieve what you want. This really has very little to do with this friend, but it’s a useful catalyst for you to better yourself. Also for your own mental health, I would suggest slowly distancing yourself from this friend. Sometimes we’re just not in the right place to be a good friend to someone and you should pretend to be a friend if you can’t be one.

I don’t think there’s any need to lay into the friend’s husband. As far as I can make out OP’s friend is very happy with him, swan towels or not, so why have a go at him?

@Thepeopleversuswork That's true, but to be honest. So is most of MN.
Any post from someone seemingly doing 'better than the rest' is met with a barrage of criticism. Accused of bragging, think of those surviving on pennies, etc etc.

So many people have rightly pointed out that the OP is behaving badly. But such spiteful behaviour, tearing people down is so common on here every day. OP isn't alone.

Maybe doing it to strangers on the internet is more forgiveable than your own mate?

Anyway this friend must be a bit naive if she can't see how jealous the OP is. Surely she has better friends.... Or OP is a very good actress.

You are very mean.

Usually I'd agree but then most posters post on aibu, things get pointed out to them and they either flounce or admit they were wrong

The jealousy and nasty behavior has been pointed out to the OP. She's gone past being jealous and was actively looking for any kind of dirt on her friends husband in order to make her feel better.

Each post she has made, has been full of loathing, bitching and resenment.

She instead seemed surprised and said

If anything this just proves my point that her life is nearly too good

The glaring problem is that OP doesn't seem to be aware of what's she has done wrong and is adamant that the problem lies with her friend and her friends lifestyle

Don’t be like that. My husband filled the room with swan towels when he proposed to me. Hundreds of them, all different colours and sizes 💖

@wateringcanface

But, it seems that ops post was hopefully part of that process of acknowledging her shortcomings.

We’ll have to agree to disagree here. I don’t see the OP acknowledging her shortcomings I see her trying to recruit other people in festival of resentment about someone she previously thought was beneath her and who she now realises is not.

I don't think anyone thinks that swan towels are "amazing" though do they.

They're still just towels, no matter what way they're bent.

@Sistafromanothermista

This really doesn’t sound like something to get worked up over.

1. be happy for her
2. find what makes you happy

anything else is a waste of time.

I was just joking. I was amused by the swan towels.

Have you even seen a towel pirate? They are really cool, especially if they come with free gold chocolate coins 😋

@BunnyLake

I don’t think there’s any need to lay into the friend’s husband. As far as I can make out OP’s friend is very happy with him, swan towels or not, so why have a go at him?

Its a fair cop. I’m not having a go at him really and each to their own I just found it ridiculous that “swan towels” (which are in every mid market hotel in every service station everywhere) are being held up as the zenith of luxury and exclusivity.

(I would have kept my snobbery under wraps if the OP hadn’t embarrassed herself in other areas.)

@Thepeopleversuswork

Can I just say I am loving your turn of phrase! "festival of resentment" and "orgy of spite and envy" - superb 😂

yabu -you have no business "begrudge"her anything If you dont want involved,walk away. bif not be happy for her..YOU are doing this/not her

Where on earth did he get 'hundreds' of towels from? What happened to the towels after? Imagining all the washing and re-folding to put away.

No I wouldn't be impressed unless he did it all.

I love a thoughtful guy and the dream proposal (involving effort) is a sign of that... But swan towels? Hrmmm.

Would be impressed by origami swans though. You can hang them up after. Bit hard to do that with towels

The swan towels were probably just there unlikely he sourced them separately so seems about harsh to vilify him for dodgy taste!

Agree op sounds mean. Personally I don’t get jealous except once in throes of sleep deprivation when other peoples babies slept at night and mine didn’t.

One of the very few times I have genuinely chuckled at a MN post

Not vilifying him for dodgy taste but by the same token it’s hardly a sign of his impeccable taste and distinction!