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Original poster

to think that my partner should not have sexy vidoes of girls in his...

92 replies

PosieParker · 23/04/2008 22:55

office on his computer?? I looked through his email tonight and found a video forwarded of two girls from his office stripping in a lift that he had forwarded and lots of pictures of psuedo lesbian and tits out shots and videos that he had searched for online during his working day. He is the boss of the UK and exchanging emails with salemen. I truly thought he had grown up in our ten years and three, another on the way, children. I am so angry that I asked him to leave the house or I would beat him with the laptop until it broke. I have no idea what to do. It brings up the trust issue and that my dp is not, by a long way, the man I thought he was.
Shall I just kill him?????

OP posts:
pedilia · 24/04/2008 00:02

I think you are overreacting, many men and women look at porn.
Are you worried that about him cheating? If not what is it you are so angry about?

ButterflyMcQueen · 24/04/2008 00:04

posie i know you were not intending to carry out the threats

i do not think you were over reacting i too would be very upset

if i check out dps pc it is not snooping-that is not the nature of our relationship 17/18 years in

did you know he looked at porn?

DirtySexyMummy · 24/04/2008 00:05

Naive because a huge proportion of people look at porn, and especially men. And workplace banter is not usually something that you come home and discuss, as it tends to be pretty boring to listen to.

I wouldn't expect my DP to tell me all the things he got up to in a day spent with people I don't know.. how boring.

ButterflyMcQueen · 24/04/2008 00:06

naive is to think all men do

SheWillBeLoved · 24/04/2008 00:06

Maybe it was easier for him to say he doesn't like porn, than it was for him to have his wardrobe thrown out of the bedroom window at him when he told you?

If he knows you don't even trust him and look through his personal things, then he's hardly going to whip open his laptop and show you his latest porn download.

Are you angry because he looks at porn, or because he's not the innocent loving non porn watching family man you believed him to be?

I'd be alot more worried if you found out he was in these porn movies with the girls from work, but he's not. It's just office banter, so keep it as that. Hardly worth the problems you're letting it cause.

Original poster
PosieParker · 24/04/2008 00:08

I had hoped that he would be a little more professional, as well as believing he'd grown up. I have really been mislead or rather I have discovered in the ten years we've been together evolving and raising a family he has stayed exactly the same. Maybe I just got what he always was going to be.
If his bosses (he earns a lot) decided to get rid of him that's it, everything gone, and how easy would it be with him involoved in that?
I have worked in offices like his and had no respect for men like my dp but really admired the ones that thought is was childish and went home to their families not staying out very late on some Fridays. I thought I'd end up with a man who had a little more respect for me and how others view him.
Like I said if everything else was wonderful in our relationship then I'd probably not like it but shrug it off. As it is he deletes his call log, lies a lot sometimes without reason, blatantly denies things that I know to be true and never admits them. The list goes on.

OP posts:
islingtonponce · 24/04/2008 00:08

i think your attitude to what op describes is bizarre. in what way is this "light hearted banter"? not quite so light hearted and amusing when her dp gets fired over it / is on receiving end of sexual harassment claim perhaps?

DirtySexyMummy · 24/04/2008 00:08

TBH If you go looking around on his PC, you need to deal with what you find.

I think to look at something private of his when he, for whatever reason didn't tell you, you found it by snooping around and invading his privacy, is quite unfair.

People should be allowed privacy for whatever reason, and you should respect that privacy. I guess this is proof of what happens wheh you don't.

ButterflyMcQueen · 24/04/2008 00:09

posie i really feel for you atm how far pg are you

ButterflyMcQueen · 24/04/2008 00:09

why 'snooping'?

DirtySexyMummy · 24/04/2008 00:10

Butterfly - it would be terribly naive to think all men look at porn.

islingtonponce · 24/04/2008 00:10

posie, you poor thing. can you get some space to think all this through without him in the house for a bit. when / if you calm down do you think you can try to talk this through with him a bit? what do you want to happen?

dittany · 24/04/2008 00:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
PosieParker · 24/04/2008 00:11

It's not that he looks it's that he shares this with others, office banter is not a good enough excuse....he's the boss of the office and should not need to be involved with this 'bonding'. He's 34 and many of the staff are in their early 20s.]
I don't want my dp ladding around like a teenager.

OP posts:
DirtySexyMummy · 24/04/2008 00:13

Well, it might not be what you want, but if thats what he wants then you need to let go a little.

It sounds like you expect him to conform to your ideal of him, which he obviously realises which will be why he never mentioned the porn to you. You need to allow him to be himself.

dittany · 24/04/2008 00:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
PosieParker · 24/04/2008 00:16

BM, islington, dittany....
He has been back for his clothes and I threw them out of the window and he's left going to stay in a hotel. He was not sorry and refuses to understand why I'm angry... I have said until he finds a little humility he can fuck off.
I have explained that he's either doing this to impress the people at work which is pathetic or he's really like that and the person I see at home is not really him. I am considering booking myself and the children into a hotel over the weekend so that he has a little uncertainty and knows how I feel, I am 12 weeks pg.

OP posts:
islingtonponce · 24/04/2008 00:16

what, an immature arse? how helpful.

ButterflyMcQueen · 24/04/2008 00:16

dsm she thought she was

this is not who posie thought her dh was

ButterflyMcQueen · 24/04/2008 00:16

dsm she thought she was

this is not who posie thought her dh was

islingtonponce · 24/04/2008 00:17

be himself, my arse!

SheWillBeLoved · 24/04/2008 00:17

If you don't want him ladding around, then sit down and tell him. Instead of kicking him out and throwing his clothes out of a window? Hardly setting the right example if mature is what you want him to be.

If he works with 20 year olds then it's more than likely going to be a case of him trying to stay 'cool' and not wanting to spend his whole work day sat in his office staring out at everyone laughing and joking.

I'm sure he knows the implications of what he's doing.

dittany · 24/04/2008 00:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DirtySexyMummy · 24/04/2008 00:19

Its not pathetic to want to impress people at work, boss or not. He wants people to like him, he wants to join in with the 'office banter', why is that pathetic?

Dittany - not everyone finds porn disrespectful. Its not being back in the 1950's to allow men to have a bit of a life of their own

islingtonponce · 24/04/2008 00:19

blimey you lot! am shocked by the apparent sympathy you feel for posie's arse of a (d)h and the complete lack of empathy you have for her.

poor poor chap