Does anyone else feel this way about the education system in the uk?

[Greengreenga]

My DH was privately educated, I was not. We have one dc due to start school next September so the search for a school has begun. I have always been adamant that I do not want my child to go to a private school. I get that they are brilliant in many ways but I feel very politically strongly that our support should be with the state sector. I want my child to know real people and not the top tiny percent of privilege.

Anyway… we have now looked at 5 of the closest state schools. I have been shocked. It’s not what I remember from my experience of school. These classes were chaos. In all of the schools we went to. The buildings were in an absolute state. Just the feel of the places was so awful. In two of the schools we looked at, supply teachers were in nearly all the classes, is this normal now? These were all rated outstanding bar one that was satisfactory. Three of them are meant to be really good options too, so I have no idea where it goes from there.

DH convinced me to look at the local private school. It’s so incredibly different on every level. There was calmness, order, focus. Although DH won’t push me to change my mind about private I know he would be over the moon if I agreed to it. I now feel so conflicted. I will also be hugely embarrassed if we chose to go private after everything negative I have very publicly said about the private sector for many years.

I feel shit about it. Am I jeprodisring our child’s future for my own moral compass to stay in tact? I don’t know anymore.

How unlucky and unusual to be living near so many outstanding rated yet chaotic schools!
Im a parent Governor at my local ‘Good’ primary school. Fortunately it is not at all what you describe despite the challenges of a tight budget.
Previously there was a backlog of outstanding rated schools that weren’t inspected for a long time I think most have now been inspected. You have to run an extremely tight ship to get outstanding and you don’t get there with supply teachers in all the classes.

OP, this! There are actually SO many different backgrounds at private education...incredibly diverse especially demographically for many reasons (including bursaries etc.). If you can afford to, and the state options give you concern then I would go for it personally

Absolutely. Contrast with my child's private school where there are boarders from all over the world and the pupils have the chance to travel to different countries too for outreach programmes and cultural exchanges.

What OP means when she says "real people" and "real life" is some outdated notion of the nitty gritty of working class kids (one of which her child is clearly not) at a local state comprehensive.

Which tiny percentage are you talking about? The large proportion of kids with SEND? The kids whose very normal parents are spending everything they have on their kids education? Or the well off similar to those who move to the very expensive catchment areas near excellent Grammer schools?
Yes in the average private school there are some very well off people, but they’re in the minority.
Whatever the papers and politicians say not all private schools are like Eton or that Bullingdon Club photo.

Disagree, my son goes to a state school and I've heard it was good but I've been blown away. All very organised, loads of good opportunities, excellent communication and my son is thriving. Facilities are great, teachers seem very good. Had an email today to say he'd been identified as talented in maths so offering extra curricular lessons for stretch. Wouldn't swap at all

@TeatimeForTheSoul most parents are spending everything they have on bills. I know plenty of private families and they're all having at least some fees paid by grandparents. Maybe the parents seem 'average' but the grandparents aren't!

I went to a private school and only a few of the children in the class were from extremely wealthy families. Of course, the parents have good jobs but my parents sacrificed new cars, holidays so that we could go to a private school - my mum was a teacher and my dad was a policeman. You sound very judgemental tbh.

That is interesting. How many is plenty?
Most parents I know don’t go into details about how they pay the bills. You can see who is driving an old banger and which areas people live in, but very few declare it’s the grandparents paying the bills in my experience.

YBVU to think it would be a good thing for the state to have a monopoly on education.

But practically, there is variation in private schools, they aren't all the same. Economics isn't the only type of variation either, and even some state schools can have a relatively homogeneous economic profile for its families.SoI am not sure that's as much a worry as you think.

Especially as they get older kids often segregate out by class anyway. Not deliberately but because those are the kids they most relate to.

"These classes were chaos"
What was happening? What was the chaos you saw??

That's really sad that all 5 schools were awful and it sounds quite extreme. I can't imagine that tbh unless you have convinced yourself this because deep down you actually want them to go private but battle with your 'political views'. This way you can justify your real intentions by saying 'all the state schools were crap, I had no choice.' Maybe I see it differently because I have had different experiences. Out of 6 states I have visited, 5 were really impressive, calm, orderly and well behaved kids with great results. Only one was a bit questionable.

And how many did they say?

All the local state schools by me have about 8 cover teachers who stand in for teachers who are on courses, and off sick. With 200 teachers, that's perfectly reasonable and normal.

Wow OP how awful for your family. I can't imagine what is going on in these schools. I work in a secondary in a pretty tough urban area and I liase with primaries quite often.
I do visits to them in the normal school day, lessons are all quiet and calm. There seem to be a lot of coats in the corridor which of course we don't have in secondary. The children in the primaries I visit don't spend much time in corridors no lesson changeovers which need a class room change.
Even the school in the most deprived area I visit has quiet classes and gets good results. You seem to have unfortunately put down roots in an area that bears no similarity to my experience in terms of primaries.
Of course in our area we really need more money, post pandemic and post austerity, and the mental health crisis is hitting our poorest children hard,and the LA really needs to build some special schools but that's another story!

Of course it’s bloody ‘real life’. Real children, not robots. And probably not hugely over-privileged, unless you are looking at very expensive pre-preps.

I was the only child who did not go on my German exchange program because my mum could not afford it (not long after my dad died), unless you have the extra pounds to fund such trips your child will be isolated and marginalised from many of their peers, and demonstrates the wealth gap. I wasnt that disappointed because I sucked at the German language and at least it was 6th form (the girls were less judgy by then) but it reinforces why I would be apprehensive to send my child to a private school if I didnt have the money to at least afford some of the expensive extra circular activities / school trips.

Get over it and send them to private school.
If it makes you feel better, they are more like to turn out a future leader who can actually change something.
Also you should respect the child's fathers wishes as well, it's not all you

Choose the best school for your child. Don't compromise on their education just to make a point.

You have clearly stated the state offering is below par. You appear to have a choice. I couldn't let my principles impact on education, it's too important.

You don't get to ban private it's going nowhere.

If it was me I would balance their world outside school. The only one who will suffer is your child, you have the means to ensure they have an easier childhood 🤷‍♀️

Sorry but that is nonsense, it very much is normal life, who genuinely mixes with the highest and lowest earners in society?

Yes in work you may work alongside one or other but mixes - no people don't. People choose to mix with those with similarities you don't find as the norm someone who left school at 16 mixing with someone with a PHD. Or someone living in a £4m house best friends with someone who is in poverty.

It's a strap line thwts banded around, people mix in small sectors of society regardless of sending your child to a state or private school.

Now you know what the schools are like vs private then to answer : Am I jeprodisring our child’s future for my own moral compass to stay in tact?
Then the answer is or question why put your children's future education as risk ?

I went to a private school and only a few of the children in the class were from extremely wealthy families. Of course, the parents have good jobs but my parents sacrificed new cars, holidays so that we could go to a private school - my mum was a teacher and my dad was a policeman. You sound very judgemental tbh.

But it’s now 2024 with high house prices, cost of living & stagnated wages plus VAT. Cutting back on holidays & sky doesn’t make private school affordable for most…

Yanbu

I actually got a grant to go to a private school as my parents really didn't like the local state schools. However I never really fit in with a lot of the other pupils who came from very affluent backgrounds. It was a lovely school though and I did get to do some other subjects and extra curricular which weren't available in the state schools.
It's a tough one but I'd say go for the private school If you can afford it.

Agreed on the "real people" and i also think this attitude is one only totally privileged people can afford à la pulp common people.

My dh and i both come from nothing special families with zero generational wealth and zero inheritance coming our way. We got secondary school scholarships and know the value of education.
we dont give one shiny shit about our children "mixing with a full strata of society". Life will do that for them.

Am I jeprodisring our child’s future for my own moral compass to stay in tact?

Yes.
And the only people who should do this are people who can buy their way out of it afterwards.
Ie you leave generational wealth to your children.

How do you know they were supply teachers?