To be fuming that other mum is asking my son why he has extra time?

[Folicky]

Son is due to sit transfer test in a few weeks. We went to familiarisation session recently at the school where he is due to sit the exam. My son is getting extra time. The children with extra time had to sit in a different part of the assembly hall away from the other children in their class. Another melter of a mum who I normally dodge on the school run, and who is maniacally competitive, asked my child (out of earshot of me) why he was getting extra time, also said to the facilitators that he shouldn't be in the extra time group, waited for us outside and then rang me afterwards (I missed the call). Fact of the matter is, (a) it's due a mixture of mental health and a few neurodevelopmental issues; and, (b) it's none of her business. Nonetheless, I'm worried she's going to try to do this all over again to my son outside the school. I only collect him once per week, so can't fully protect him. What response would be appropriate?

Just message her proactively and say something like ‘I understand you were asking my son to disclose private medical information, please stop.”

This. How rude.

This- totally this.

Make the school aware and agree with pp send her a message telling her your son will not be disclosing his medical history to her
what a weirdo

Meaaage her, tell her it’s private information, not to talk to your son and tell the school

Practice with your son something like 'That is my confidential medical information and of no concern of yours. Did you mean to be so rude?'

I would mention it to the school too.

The transfer is so stressful it turns lots of people into melters- both children and parents alike! Don't engage with her.

Definitely tell school she asked him this question and talked to the facilitators to tell them he shouldn't be in the group.

Tell your son that his stock response to a parent asking him anything is ask my Mum and message the Mum to tell her she is out of order and I am sure she wouldn't want another parent asking her child questions. That is also how I would phrase it, turn it back on her.

Massive overstep of boundaries and the school should be told. Good suggestions here of what to message her and what to practice with your son, but the school really ought to reinforce that with a message about respecting others’ private information, not all differences are visible, mind your own business etc.

🥹😅 please don't teach your child the weird MN special of 'did you mean to be so rude'

She sounds like a weirdo just say your kid has ET approved and can she please stop trying to find out why

This about covers it.

Don't do this with your son. At most he needs to say "Ask my mother".

He should say ‘Dunno. Ask mum’

'Because I need it'
'Because I qualify for it'

Answer the phone to her (or ring her back) and ask her why she felt it was appropriate to ask your son why he got extra time. Tell her that it is for private medical reasons and that she must cease and decist poking her nose into your son's business as it is private and not information that she is entitled to.

But I do prefer the option of telling her to fuck off

I just wouldn't engage. At most tell your son to say mind your own business or this is upsetting me, I'm going to tell a teacher.

If she really did speak to the facilitator(how do you know this) I can't imagine that went down well with the school in question.

Why has she got your number for starters?

She's got more front than Blackpool that one!

There's nothing wrong with coaching her son how to answer. Being able to deal with nosy busy bodies is a very useful skill to develop.

I would worry that he would get in trouble for using the mumsnet classic though.

I'd prefer to give him some stock phrases, like

"its for private reasons."
"Everybody who needs to know, does already."
"For confidential reasons."

She was so out of order. It could have been quite distracting for your son being interrogated by her just before his exam.

Who thinks you’re unreasonable?

What’s a transfer test, why does it need a familiarisation meeting, what’s a ‘melter’ and how does she actually know this info?

First response nails it.

My son is now in senior school but is autistic and gets 25% extra time in exams as a reasonable adjustment. It’s no one else’s business.

A test in Northern Ireland to get into grammar school. Kids sit it at the school they would like to go to. A melter is an NI expression for someone who melts your head with their irrational behaviour.

Tell her to mind her own business and tell the school.