To be fuming that other mum is asking my son why he has extra time?

[Folicky]

Son is due to sit transfer test in a few weeks. We went to familiarisation session recently at the school where he is due to sit the exam. My son is getting extra time. The children with extra time had to sit in a different part of the assembly hall away from the other children in their class. Another melter of a mum who I normally dodge on the school run, and who is maniacally competitive, asked my child (out of earshot of me) why he was getting extra time, also said to the facilitators that he shouldn't be in the extra time group, waited for us outside and then rang me afterwards (I missed the call). Fact of the matter is, (a) it's due a mixture of mental health and a few neurodevelopmental issues; and, (b) it's none of her business. Nonetheless, I'm worried she's going to try to do this all over again to my son outside the school. I only collect him once per week, so can't fully protect him. What response would be appropriate?

I would tell my child the next time she asks say, ask my mum and walk away. Do not tell her anything. Then when I'm asked I'd say, I don't want to talk about it and walk away.

Message her and tell her to stop interfering and remind her that is is none of her business. Make school aware of her and let her know that you have spoken to school , and then ask her not to contact you again and block the bitch!

Or speak to school and ask school to have a word with her. Maybe better if you don't engage with her at all. I would block her in any case.

I would call the mum myself and ask her how dare she approach my child and try to force private, personal information out of them. It is a disgusting that any adult thinks this kind of behaviour is acceptable. I would also report her to the school and demand that they speak to her about approaching children that are not hers.

Also speak to your child and let them know you fully support them telling her to not speak to them and mind her own business.

I dont know this either. Thanks for asking!

She sounds a nightmare! I like that answer “everyone who needs to know that, already does.”

Hope your dc got on ok in the tests anyway op.

You simply tell her it's none of her business.

I'd be proactive (esp as she has tried to call you and wait to speak to you anyway) and call or message her.
Shoot it down now with 'private medical information that no one but the school needs to know' and that you would appreciate her not asking your DS about it.
I'd go for polite but firm - being polite rather than angry makes people feel more ashamed and embarrassed about their actions I have found. Being angry and kicking off will just make her feel justified for asking

I'd just message her and say it's really not appropriate to be asking my son personal questions. And then practice a 'that was really weird' face with your son so he can quell questions without saying a word.

No need to justify or answer her questions. The PP who recommended your son to ignore her and walk away has the right idea. If she pushes him for an answer he can tell her to talk with the school, or whomever does the tests. If she has does ask that will illicit no explanation as they are not to disclose personal information. So essentially, definitely don't acknowledge her question, or answer that she's unreasonably interested in your son's life and you have nothing to share.

Agree with everyone. Mind blowingly rude.

Tell the school exactly what happened.
Tell your son to reply with 'I'm really not sure why you think it's ok to ask me this', then ignore her.
If you have an opportunity to speak with her then make it clear that your son's situation is nothing to do with her and that you don't appreciate her questioning him on the matter.

This

And tell the school

The mum is totally weird but so many kids nowadays get extra time it makes it unfair for others. In my daughter's year nearly half the kids have extra time and most of those kids have no real difficulties with school, are in all the top sets. One of the kids is actually by far the top student in the year. He finishes all his tests at least 30 mins before anyone else and always gets the highest score in the year. It's a bit of a joke that he gets extra time, but it's not something I would ever approach anyone about.

You could give your son a sealed note to hand to the mum if she asks. The contents can be as rude or polite as you like but along the lines of 'have you gone mad? Stop asking him'.

They're getting extra time because they have some issue which means they need extra time. Loads of pupils at my son's school get it too, but for good reason.

Glad to see a kid performing to his potential, possibly because of the adjustment.

Some conditions automatically qualify for extra time in exams and if the kids with those conditions don't finish late because they don't need the time they are given, how can that be unfair?

1. Nobody gets extra time for no reason.
2. Just because you cannot see someone struggling doesn’t mean that they’re not.
3. Someone else having extra time does not make things unfair for anyone else.
4. You have no idea what issues other children might have or how those issues might tie in with what set they are in for maths.

Have had a parent 'coat tail' me before like this. A bit different in the sense that she asked me loads of questions about how the school were making adjustments for my son given his autism and then discovered that she had gone in and asked for the same.

Tell him to say that apparently you're amazing at oral sex and the headmaster, deputy, head of admissions, school nurse, and caretaker all said it was a fair swap

Well one of the kids is a friend of my daughter's who advised her to also get assessed for extra time as it was "easy to get". I will try as I don't think it's a level playing field and why shouldn't she also get extra time? Yes, some kids have problems that require extra time but definitely not all.

Who on earth do you think you are to decide whether those children need extra time or not? Each of those children will have a diagnosed or assessed need for extra time.

I have a child who is dyslexic. He still managed to get expected and greater depth in his SATs tests because he was given extra time and support in class, at home and extra time in his test. Are you suggesting he shouldn’t get the extra time because he performed well?

Extra time and alternative provisions are there to make sure every child does THEIR best.

Don't try to cheat a system designed to help those who need it.
It's maybe easy to get if you have reason!

It's a small school and yes I know the kids. "Exam anxiety" is quoted as a reason to get extra time. Everyone is anxious before exams 🤷‍♀️ And doesn't it push grade boundaries upwards if some kids get extra time without real need?

Stop illustrating how you're that parent.

This is a disgusting and entitled attitude. Extra time is not “easy to get” even if the child has a condition which qualifies them to have it. Trying to get extra time for a kid who doesn’t have any additional needs is not ok, and deciding you can tell who should get extra time and who doesn’t need it is really horrible.

I thought posters said it's not affecting anyone else if a child gets extra time? And that she won't get it unless there's a need? Well I will try and see what happens.