To be fuming that other mum is asking my son why he has extra time?

[Folicky]

Son is due to sit transfer test in a few weeks. We went to familiarisation session recently at the school where he is due to sit the exam. My son is getting extra time. The children with extra time had to sit in a different part of the assembly hall away from the other children in their class. Another melter of a mum who I normally dodge on the school run, and who is maniacally competitive, asked my child (out of earshot of me) why he was getting extra time, also said to the facilitators that he shouldn't be in the extra time group, waited for us outside and then rang me afterwards (I missed the call). Fact of the matter is, (a) it's due a mixture of mental health and a few neurodevelopmental issues; and, (b) it's none of her business. Nonetheless, I'm worried she's going to try to do this all over again to my son outside the school. I only collect him once per week, so can't fully protect him. What response would be appropriate?

Let the school know. Give your son a suitable phrase to say eg. I really don't think that's any of your business, do you? or if he's not comfortable saying that to an adult, just tell him to say nothing, walk away, refuse to engage - if she follows, that gives you reason to start using the word 'harassment'. Be polite, professional. Dont' say anything you wouldn't dream of saying at work.

so many kids nowadays get extra time it makes it unfair for others

So many kids in the past who needed extra time didn't get and never got the grades they deserved. You consider that fair?

Yeah, don't tell your child to say the MN classic, "Did you mean to be so rude?" Never, ever irl have i heard anyone utter those words. It's so twee. Most people asking personal information are knowingly being arrogant and ill mannered or 'rude' so that comment would be lost on them anyway. It also makes the person saying it sound about 10 years old. Irl an adult would actually have the balls and maturity to say, "It's confidential information, none of your business so please do not ask me or my child about it again". Easy.

Another one saying this is the prefect reponse, I'd also report to the school

Everyone saying "don't engage" seems to have missed the facy she's speaking directly to your son

My daughter gets extra time.
But I am not sure the system is entirely fair.
She gets extra time because I could afford to pay for a private dyslexia assessment. School thought she might be dyslexic but insisted she didn't need any adjustments (she's very bright so compensates well)

What about the children without parents who can afford to get extra help. Or the ones where school doesn't even spot an issue.

I wonder whether it might not be better to allow all children a longer time but also let children go after a certain point if they are done. (I wouldn't have wanted to do a longer time in the exam hall, I usually comfortably finished within the allotted time and still got top grades. Not boasting it's just a fact)

I had extra time in an exam and was put in the same hall as everyone else. It was so off-putting when you're still trying to write and everyone's leaving.

The answer my dd (teen dyslexic) gives these folks is 'because I do' and if they push 'it's none of your business'

I suppose it depends on what exams are actually for. Are they solely to test knowledge on that individual subject? If so, then extra time makes sense.
If it’s to test knowledge but also other aspects such as working under pressure well or reading comprehension then it wouldn’t

(I think the former is correct, not the latter)

I have 2 sons one is neurotypical and didn’t get extra time. One has ASD and does. Both are intelligent boys.

Guess which one got straight As in all his exams and which one managed a mix of Bs and Cs?

yes the neurotypical one didn’t need the extra time. My youngest needed this to even give him a chance of levelling the playing field. He didn’t get it in every subject either. And it was not easy to get - he was assessed in class tests to determine if he needed it

@JustMarriedBecca It's not that 'gifted' is a bad word per se. I know it's a technically term used by the D of E. I just don't like the weight of expectation it can put on children.

I've never discussed it with mine, they're anxious perfectionists as it is without them feeling like they're expected to live up to a label that sets such high expectation from professionals.

Absolutely, I’d phone her and tell her.

Exactly this. She's a rude twat.

This is it. This is what you should do. For Christ’s sake don’t do the “did you mean to be so rude” thing.

This.

Sorry, just seen the explanation.

I am sure the school will have a word with her about this if you tell them. I remember a mother accosting my DD many years ago about something similar and when she told her teacher they contacted me and said to let them know if it happened again as they were not happy about it at all.

I would involve the school, I would report her and say you feel she is overstepping asking your son inappropriate or intrusive questions and trying to interfere with school processes. She's a total busy body and needs to fuck right off a d get in her own lane, this is so out of order.

so....because not everyone has the assessment they perhaps should, no one should get extra time?

It is fairer that those with a diagnosis get the extra time. If they don't need it, they don't use it. It's fairer than struggling and not reaching your potential, particularly when for some, those extra minutes can make a huge difference.

The bigger issue of appropriate assessments, particularly if parents can't afford to pay or if picked up later rather than sooner is another issue and shouldn't distract from the needs of those who do have assessments.

DS2 is ranked 99.4th percentile but still gets extra time because he has ASD and ADHD and it's written into his EHCP. His EHCP has ended now he is at uni but he still qualifies for extra time. No 'dodgy privately acquired assessments'. Just need. So there's not huge disparity between ability and performance.

There's a difference between equality where all regardless of need receive the same and equity where those with need receive fair support.

Some parents don't understand this. Perhaps schools could do more to provide understanding to parents so they didn't behave in this unreasonable way due to simple misunderstanding.

Pointy-elbowed parents everywhere. Went to a recent sixth form open evening and it was like a bunfight at times.

25 percent extra time in an A level is incredibly generous!
Wow.
No wonder parents want the diagnoses to allow for margins like that.
This could make a massive difference to grades

One could really take time and plan the exam time with a buffer like that.

Usually students are writing til the last minute.( Ones without extra time).

Message her and tell her not to ask your son about his medical information. Then contact the school, explain what happened and tell then you have told her to stop.

Tell your son to ignore her and carry on walking.

What a horrible person she is

Well if your daughter doesn’t need it then she won’t get it and rightly so. If you feel your DD genuinely has any SEN and neither you or school have ever done anything about it, then go for it and fight for what she deserves. If not then maybe just be happy that she doesn’t face the troubles that means she needs that extra time?

I'd rather have children that could read at normal speeds, could write legibly, didn't have pain from gripping a pen and could demonstrate their intelligence and knowledge in the standard time offered.

I am glad they have diagnoses that recognise their difficulties and strengths and facilitate some reasonable adjustments to mitigate the difficulties that restrict their ability to demonstrate their knowledge. It's the second best thing compared to the non-option of having children with a standard range of skills.

DS1 was not offered additional time in SATs because he was doing "well enough". He then did not meet the school's targets, then they blamed anxiety. The irony was that autism is one of his 3 individual reasons why he does require reasonable adjustments (alongside dyslexia and dyspraxia)
DS2 was offered the additional time which enabled him to answer all the questions and reach the predicted targets. I did emphisis that the school's previous stance had cost them meeting their targets...

Strangely, people tend to recognise that when DS2 uses his inhalers, it's not giving him an unfair advantage at sport, it's an adjustment to help him breathe like everyone else and not leave him at a hazardous disadvantage to everyone else. The presence of undiagnosed, unmitigated educational needs crushes self-esteem and prevents young people meeting their potential.

Just because you think certain kids have "no real difficulties with school" and seem to have excellent academic results doesn't mean they have no difficulties.

I know two young people who get extra time - one has acute anxiety for which she takes medication daily, and one has various ailments related to long covid. You'd never guess it to look at their class standings, or by looking at them.

It's more than a little disgusting to learn that there are grown adults out there taking note of things like this and passing judgement on their children's peers. You have no idea what goes on in the lives of these children. Be happy that your own children have no afflictions that could hold them back significantly, and keep your nose out of others' business.

Accommodations are not handed out like sweets in any school setting.