To be fuming that other mum is asking my son why he has extra time?

[Folicky]

Son is due to sit transfer test in a few weeks. We went to familiarisation session recently at the school where he is due to sit the exam. My son is getting extra time. The children with extra time had to sit in a different part of the assembly hall away from the other children in their class. Another melter of a mum who I normally dodge on the school run, and who is maniacally competitive, asked my child (out of earshot of me) why he was getting extra time, also said to the facilitators that he shouldn't be in the extra time group, waited for us outside and then rang me afterwards (I missed the call). Fact of the matter is, (a) it's due a mixture of mental health and a few neurodevelopmental issues; and, (b) it's none of her business. Nonetheless, I'm worried she's going to try to do this all over again to my son outside the school. I only collect him once per week, so can't fully protect him. What response would be appropriate?

Yet another example of ignorance.

It shouldn't be but by going private it's quite easy to trick the system. Not making it right though. I know of people who did this. My DS is so far off the mark that no extra time would help him unfortunately😞

Thanks everyone. No private assessments were involved, just NHS information...sadly, going back several years.

As far as I’m concerned there is only 1 option. It’s none of her f**king business. If she confronts your child again just tell him to start shouting stranger danger at top of his lungs. She’ll never approach him again.

or tackle it head on & ask her why she was harassing your child when again the situation is none of her business

Clearly you’ve never struggled with anxiety or the struggles of neurodivergence.

I was once so stressed out in an exam I vomited in the middle of the hall. I was 11. It’s a lot of pressure on kids.

sat the exam a week or so later in a classroom with an examiner & it took so much pressure off that I did pretty well in the end.

Just say because he’s entitled to it!

God people like this wind me up, if he’s gotten extra time he’s obviously been deemed to need it, so she should just fuck off, I can’t inagine being so nosey as to ask a poor child why they get extra time 🙃

I thought the same…surely an accidental click 🤔

Just tell her to her face you’ve paid extra for it!! What woman actually confronts a child!!!

39% of privately educated students get extra time. 24% of state school.
The number of pupils granted extra time has increased by 42% in 4 years. Extra time is usually 25%.
If we assume that privately educated children are no more likely to have learning difficulties than state educated pupils, the posters here who claim the system is fair, and every child who get extra time "needs" it, and those such as XelaM's don't, are derranged.
Either pupils at private schools are getting an unfair advantage because they don't need the extra time they are granted, or there are pupils at state schools who don't get the extra time they need.
So @XelaM if your child is at a state school, give it a go. 15% of state school pupils are not getting something they "need" and should "qualify for".
If 39% of exam entrants need extra time, employers really need to know who they are so they can get the adjustments they need to perform to the best of their ability at work.

Some of the posts on this thread are as outrageous as the woman asking a child why he gets extra time.

My dd got top grades and had extra time and she absolutely needed it. She had extra time because she is autistic and has ADHD. Both NHS diagnosis not private, if it really matters. Sadly the top grades don't really help balance out the issues caused by autism and ADHD and life is still a struggle for her in adulthood. If you really think that a child with a disability getting extra time in exams is unfair to your non-disabled child then you need to give your head a wobble.

If we assume that privately educated children are no more likely to have learning difficulties than state educated pupils

I wonder how true that assumption is? Not disagreeing with you at all, just wondering.

I know reasonably locally to me are two private schools that are known for being very good with dyslexia, dyspraxia, mild learning delays etc. Then you have students with mild learning difficulties or ASD who can cope in private schools with smaller classes but would struggle in mainstream.

I would think the main difference though is that the private schools are more likely to apply for it where they think it would help. If they think a student with dyslexia or slow processing speed getting a 7 is capable of getting a 8/9 with extra time, they'll apply (helps the students, and their place in the league tables!). In a class of 35 where you have some who struggle to get a 4, I can see that it might not seem as much of a priority.

Teach him to say 'My mum says you should mind your own business.' Short, snappy and easy to remember.

Tell the school that they are not to comment to anyone about your child. Tell
the woman that if she approaches your child again that you will inform the police

I think you have every right to be annoyed and given that she rang you, and you missed her call I would text and say something along the lines ‘sorry to miss your call, was it something important?’
to see if she’s got the nerve to ask you directly, and if she has then to use the very good suggestion posted on the first page that it’s none of her business and please stop asking.
It’s interesting seeing the posts about extra time etc my child is autistic and low average on processing which means he usually has to read things several times to make sure he understands what’s being asked. In exams etc he is entitled to extra time. In his SATs for English he scored slightly below average, he didn’t use all his extra time, as he thought he had answered the questions correctly… he should have used the extra time to re-read it again to triple check but chose not to… His extra time doesn’t give him an unfair advantage over neurotypical children, but the chance (if he chooses to use it) to fulfil his potential.

Google it it will become clear

No response, block and delete. Perfect for your mental health. Hers. Not your problem.. she is a melter and not worth caring

I’d say, “That’s confidential.” I wouldn’t say a word more, not even vague ‘medical reasons’. Give her nothing. Nosey boot. Your son can say ‘You don’t teach me. You shouldn’t ask.’

My daughter got asked by a peer about why she uses a laptop in class sometimes. She told me she didn't feel like sharing about her dyslexia (she's not ashamed, she just doesn't feel it should define her) so she just said "because I do".

I thought that was pretty impressive for a 10 year old. I did explain to her that she shouldn't be too cross with the child as they were young too and still learning what kind of questions are appropriate. But its completely acceptable to just not answer these questions if you don't want to.

You are damn right here. Unfortunately many state school children aren’t getting the help they deserve and it is entirely and unfairly down to funding.

Parents that can afford private schooling can also afford to pay privately to have all the tests and diagnoses needed to qualify for extra time. In our area it is around £800 for a dyslexia test which sadly many families can’t stretch to. It is simply not a fair system.

Firstly I'm not even sure extra time is good, my daughter gets it as she has ASD and ADHD but it just makes her even more exhausted.

Secondly that parent is an absolute arsehole, I'd be raging.

Lastly, I have my daughter in private school because of her SEN, local state provision is shite, lots of parents who can do the same thing so I'm not surprised extra time has a higher % in private at all.

The child is likely trying to minimise her difficulties. They don’t want to appear different from their peers. If you asked my child, they would say they didn’t need accommodations and make a joke of it

Do you really not understand the difference between ‘suffering from anxiety’ and ‘feeling anxious’?

I didn’t know these things either but found it was fairly obvious from the context of the post!

On a recent Privste schools VAT thread quite a few people claimed SEN of various kinds as their reason for going private. 🤷‍♀️