To be fuming that other mum is asking my son why he has extra time?

[Folicky]

Son is due to sit transfer test in a few weeks. We went to familiarisation session recently at the school where he is due to sit the exam. My son is getting extra time. The children with extra time had to sit in a different part of the assembly hall away from the other children in their class. Another melter of a mum who I normally dodge on the school run, and who is maniacally competitive, asked my child (out of earshot of me) why he was getting extra time, also said to the facilitators that he shouldn't be in the extra time group, waited for us outside and then rang me afterwards (I missed the call). Fact of the matter is, (a) it's due a mixture of mental health and a few neurodevelopmental issues; and, (b) it's none of her business. Nonetheless, I'm worried she's going to try to do this all over again to my son outside the school. I only collect him once per week, so can't fully protect him. What response would be appropriate?

I have a condition which means I struggle to organise my thoughts and manage time. I've had educational psychologist tests which found that I have good reading comprehension but slow processing and writing speeds.

I was allowed extra time in GCSEs When this was picked up on. By then I already had a reputation as a bit of a boffin. As such I got a lot of 'why are you getting extra time?! You're clever!' Some of this was just joking around, some was genuine resentment I think. It made me so self-conscious that I spoke to my form teacher and said I was considering not using it. Luckily he was fantastic and kicked my butt a bit. He basically told me I was daft if I didn't take what I was entitled to, this was my future and not to listen to silly kids I probably wasn't even going to see next year. I took the extra time and got all A's for which I make no apologies.

Having extra time helps level the playing field for people who are slower to read/write/process. It isn't a free ticket to good grades by any means. I still had to know the answers to the questions and study like hell. It just meant that if I got the answers wrong it was due to a genuine knowledge gap rather than a time management issue.

I would give your son the same pep talk my teacher gave me and I would be very clear with this lady that she's being wildly inappropriate and that if she goes near your child again you will consider it harrassment. He does not need to justify himself to anyone. Hopefully the school are taking the same stance.

Well aren't you a delight?

@XelaM Exams and tests are designed so that the typical child can complete them in a certain time frame. That time frame is not designed for children with additional needs. Those children are at a disadvantage, hence why they can be granted extra time so that they have the same opportunity to score just as well as other children. If your own child has a genuine reason for not being able to finish the test in the time frame given, by all means apply for extra time. It doesn't change if they know the answers or not. It has nothing to do with intelligence.

Ask if you can see her medical records, then when she refuses, point out her double standard 😂

A pupil I taught got diagnosed with dyslexia aged 18 in Y13. He absolutely was not dyslexic, not one teacher could provide evidence of him being dyslexic

My teachers would have said the same about me in Y13 - turns out I’m actually quite severely dyslexic but with a less common presentation. Going back to studying with a variety of adjustments in place - including extra time - has been a bit of an eye opener in terms of what I’m actually able to achieve.

Honestly, what a total melt of a woman…

Why is it a joke that someone can be highly academically able but also have processing issues, dyslexia etc? Do you think only weaker pupils should get extra time? It’s not about levelling the field, it’s about pupils not being held back by their disabilities.

"Exam anxiety" shouldn't be a reason for extra time, IMHO. Everyone is nervous before exams and that's quite normal

This.

As well as speaking to school and messaging her directly that this is your sons personal and private medical business I would also speak to the transfer site as they shouldn't be pulling people out like that and identifying them - and this is the reason why pushy nosey people that need to mind their own business and stop interfering.

I'd take what that poster is saying with a pinch of salt.

That won't be the reason they were granted extra time. What that probably means is the child is anxious about the exam because they know they struggle because of their disability/SEN. The extra time means they won't have to worry about finishing on time. They only have to worry about answering the questions correctly like everyone else is worrying about.

Yes to that!

Honestly, op, how dare this woman question a child in that way, it's quite horrible and intimidating.

I'm not a one to grass people up but I would speak to someone at the school about this and ask them to have a word with her, to point out the error of her ways. It is just so obviously wrong, however she may feel.

Why does she care anyway? Presumably her child doesn't need extra time, she should be glad of that. Children who do are not gaining advantage over those who don't.

The woman is ignorant and bombastic.

There’s no way in earth she deserves this level of restraint or politeness. Her behaviour is unacceptable and you need to shut that shit down with no room for misinterpretation. Let her know you’re angry; let her know you won’t tolerate her doorstepping your poor son and asking such personal questions. It’s absolutely none of her business.

Tell the school and ask them to have a word with her and back you up. They’ll be fully aware of what she’s like and I bet she’s right on the arses of the staff like a bumper sticker every day.

We had a swivel-eyed loon like this at DD’s school - forever vigilant in case of any other child being perceived to have an advantage over hers, no matter what the reason; she pretty much had her own fucking chair outside the head’s office she was that much of a permanent fixture. Like all bullies, she’d keep going if other parents didn’t call her on it. I found doing so publicly - non- confrontationally but very firmly - was effective. What the hell is wrong with these people?!

This is shocking and her behavior is outrageous! My two daughters are dyslexic, so did all their exams under special conditions such as extra time and using a computer. I'm sure some of the "tiger mothers" found this unfair, but they just had to suck it up!

I'm pretty sure the school would take a very dim view of her accosting children at their gates and demanding they give her very personal medical information but let's hope it doesn't come to that. As others have suggested, text her to mind her own business and to leave your child alone!

Perfect response.
What a horrible woman. But you have to feel sorry for her child.

I'd encourage him to say "my mum paid a hefty bribe"

I came on to say this

Yes, and my kid's teachers would have said there was no evidence my DD was autistic, but they were wrong - she was just bloody good at masking until she couldn't any more and essentially had a nervous breakdown. She's been out of school now for several years. Teachers are not experts in neuro developmental issues and should not be the gatekeepers for accessing diagnosis or support.

I agree with this

'How dare you approach my child when he's alone and question him about personal issues?! I will be speaking to the school about your behaviour. Please mind your own business.'

The bitch needs telling to stay in her lane.

“Sorry I missed your call. However I understand that you have approached my son directly to ask him about private medical information. I find this deeply disturbing and have informed the school. The extra time he has is not your concern. Do not approach him again.”

And def tell the school. She is appallingly inappropriate.

Who the feck is voting YABU ?!

Other unhinged Mums?😂

This woman should not be asking your son questions about personal matters. I would tell her to mind her own business.

There is a general assumption that clever kids couldn’t possibly need extra time, and that extra time is only for children with a learning disability or who are ND. DC1 has a circulatory condition that means she looses feeling in her hands and is unable to grip a pen if she doesn’t take frequent breaks from writing. Her consultant rheumatologist wrote to school informing them she should have breaks during exams, and needs to sit in a warm, draft-free room for them, meaning the sports hall with the doors open for a bit of fresh air was out of the question. She gets extra time, and a separate room. No one else really needs to know why though.

There is also a bit of evidence that extra time isn't helpful for some students and other adjustments are more useful.

At university I asked to be allowed to wear a watch or have a small clock on my desk because I have vision problems that can appear with tiredness/concentration/stress (which basically sums up finals!) and I sometimes struggle to read the clock at the front of the room and go back to my paper without getting double vision. Watches in exams had been banned as more smart watches were coming in, but I wore a normal analogue wristwatch I was happy for the invigilator to look at first or for the university to provide a watch or clock.

They said they didn't think they'd be able to accommodate that, but I could have 25% extra time! I declined and was allowed to have my watch in the end (plus a note to show invigilators), but I assume they offer extra time first because it's a standard adjustment and easy to arrange.