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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Its a WFH one

147 replies

itsawfhone88 · 15/10/2024 16:11

I am having a debate with DH

I am lucky that I get to WFH 2 - 3 days a week (office based the other days)

Also lucky that I have space in a spare room that has room for a desk set up (two screen etc) which is really important for the role I do (think Analyst type role, hundreds of spreadsheets at any one time) Laptop is provided by work

I find it really hard to work on a small screen for long periods of time, so unless I am answering emails I prefer the desk set up. Also like the privacy of being able to take calls in the office space and not having to worry about background noise etc

DH finishes work at 2pm most days (full time office based) and then comes home, and moans that I don't come out of the office space to sit and 'spend time with him'

my job is full on, I finish at 5 although could often work later (that's a whole different argument I have with Dh on a regular basis!)

Am I being unreasonable for wanting to work in the designated office space during office hours (9-5) or should I come out and 'spend quality time with DH'

Should also mention that I start at 9 as I have school run before that, and if DH isn't home I will pop out at 3 ish to do school pick up

OP posts:
MyBigFatGreekSalad · 15/10/2024 16:12

He's acting like a child! Does he come into the actual work office with you and sit next to your desk to spend time with you?

Pennnny · 15/10/2024 16:14

Why is he so needy?

LostOnTheWayToManderley · 15/10/2024 16:15

Did you spell DC wrong?! Of course he can’t expect you to come and sit with him to entertain him when you are STILL AT WORK.

Funkyslippers · 15/10/2024 16:16

Which part of 'I can't spend time with you because I'm working ' does he not understand?

coffeesaveslives · 15/10/2024 16:17

Is he stupid?

Lifeisarealchallenge · 15/10/2024 16:17

It sounds as though he doesn't take your job seriously: that he thinks it's not a " proper " job because you are wfh.
He is being totally unreasonable.

Original poster
itsawfhone88 · 15/10/2024 16:28

He seems to think that working on a small laptop screen is the same as having a proper desk set up, and when I tried to explain I am often using two screens, multiple spreadsheets, he said I should just suck it up and tab between sheets for the sake of spending some time with him

He also said that if I am on a call he can mute the TV and he won't listen but some calls I have are confidential and I don't want him listening

OP posts:
SoiledMyselfDuringSomeTurbulence · 15/10/2024 16:28

Think this is a DH one rather than a wfh one...

coxesorangepippin · 15/10/2024 16:29

Needs to grow up

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 15/10/2024 16:29

He’s being ridiculous!

Changingplace · 15/10/2024 16:33

He’s being absolutely ridiculous, I also have a two screen set up at home and no way would I be struggling messing around on one small laptop screen on the sofa with my DH while I’m working!

dudsville · 15/10/2024 16:33

His request is odd. And you've explained to him that you're working and he still asks? There's something wrong.

Runskiyoga · 15/10/2024 16:33

This is so disrespectful. That's like you going to his work and demanding he spend 3 hours in a meeting room with you rather than do his job. I don't think it deserves any more than a 'no, I won't be doing that'.
If necessary followed up by 'that's hilarious that you think that would be my priority during working hours'.

BarbaraHoward · 15/10/2024 16:34

Really disrespectful towards your career.

Jennyathemall · 15/10/2024 16:35

He sounds like a moron.

TickingAlongNicely · 15/10/2024 16:35

I'd love for DH to have an office space instead of working in the living room!

He's being ridiculous. Its WORK, from home, not Paid to Chat to your Partner.

LostOnTheWayToManderley · 15/10/2024 16:36

itsawfhone88 · 15/10/2024 16:28

He seems to think that working on a small laptop screen is the same as having a proper desk set up, and when I tried to explain I am often using two screens, multiple spreadsheets, he said I should just suck it up and tab between sheets for the sake of spending some time with him

He also said that if I am on a call he can mute the TV and he won't listen but some calls I have are confidential and I don't want him listening

At my place, we have to confirm we have somewhere to WFH in confidence/behind closed door before we are allowed to WFH. If we don’t have a suitable set up, we have to be in the office.

And sitting next to someone, ignoring them because you’re concentrating on work, does not equal ‘spending time with them’. He is sounding ever more ridiculous with every update!

Original poster
itsawfhone88 · 15/10/2024 16:37

For context he has issues with my job (well with me in general I think but that's definitely a story for another day) and where as I really enjoy my job, he is very open that he works to earn a salary and doesn't really enjoy what he does

He will often say that my job comes before him and the children (100% not true, I am always the one to drop work if the children need picking up or sorting out etc) and I have to work my job around his (if I need to go away with work or something comes up it has to be worked around his as his has less flexibility) but during the hours of 9-5, if the children are at school and nursery etc I will be head down focusing etc

OP posts:
TarantinoIsAMisogynist · 15/10/2024 16:38

There are two options. Either:

  1. He's incredibly, irredeemably stupid and doesn't realise that you have to work during your working hours in order to keep your job.

Or:

  1. He doesn't respect your job, and doesn't see it as a proper job. So he'd rather you didn't work, as then you'd be at his beck and call (as opposed to wasting your time doing a job he views as pointless).

Neither is good, is it? Given that you say "he has issues with my job", I'm going to go with option 2.

Honestly, you're worth more than this. You have every right to tell him to entertain himself while you work. He's a grown man, not a baby (despite behaving like one).

SilkFloss · 15/10/2024 16:40

By "spending time with him," could that be sub-text for, "let's have a shag whilst the kids are out?"
Either way, he is out of line.

AnotherExpatKiwi · 15/10/2024 16:40

But it’s not “quality time” if you’re working. I mean your focus will be on work surely? Because, you know, you’re WORKING, and not entertaining an idiot man child. Honestly how do some of these men function on a day today basis when they act like toddlers…. “Mum, mum, mum…”.

Duckmamahere · 15/10/2024 16:42

Your DH has issues

MidnightMeltdown · 15/10/2024 16:42

He's a twit. Tell him to grow up.

Dweetfidilove · 15/10/2024 16:42

How does the wee one manage when you're in the office?

Parkmybentley · 15/10/2024 16:43

I'm going to leave out the angle covered above which is he's stupid/disrespectful. I agree BUT let's go on an imaginary detour and take this at face value, let's say he misses you and wants to be in the same room as you. Simply put an arm chair and tv (with headphones?) in the office. He can hang out there while you work at your desk. Easy.