Its a WFH one

[itsawfhone88]

I am having a debate with DH

I am lucky that I get to WFH 2 - 3 days a week (office based the other days)

Also lucky that I have space in a spare room that has room for a desk set up (two screen etc) which is really important for the role I do (think Analyst type role, hundreds of spreadsheets at any one time) Laptop is provided by work

I find it really hard to work on a small screen for long periods of time, so unless I am answering emails I prefer the desk set up. Also like the privacy of being able to take calls in the office space and not having to worry about background noise etc

DH finishes work at 2pm most days (full time office based) and then comes home, and moans that I don't come out of the office space to sit and 'spend time with him'

my job is full on, I finish at 5 although could often work later (that's a whole different argument I have with Dh on a regular basis!)

Am I being unreasonable for wanting to work in the designated office space during office hours (9-5) or should I come out and 'spend quality time with DH'

Should also mention that I start at 9 as I have school run before that, and if DH isn't home I will pop out at 3 ish to do school pick up

But it isn't to the OP...

It's sex not gender.

It makes no difference

And why is it her prerogative? Are you working in her space?

And did she do that when you were in an office?

He sounds incredibly needy. Nothing more off putting than an insecure clingy man.

I find it interesting that even when it is blindingly obvious that the OP's DH is being 100% unreasonable, there are still people pleasing martyrs on this thread who are suggesting giving in to his demands (either fully or partially by letting him sit in her office).

I am amazed by how poor some people's boundaries are, and how little backbone some people have.

He's trying to sabotage your job.

You have a big DH problem, using emotional blackmail to try and mess up your career.

Time for a real think about your relationship.

He's either trying to sabotage your work for some reason or he is ridiculously needy. I'm guessing the former. Are you the higher earner?

If he finishes at 2.00 pm, why isn't he picking the children up?

OMG! I have kind of the opposite - DH works from home most Fridays and keeps asking why I am popping out to appointments/meet someone for lunch on those days rather than staying home to chat with him when he has his 20min lunch break/makes a cuppa…. My answer: because you’re WORKING?? 🤯

What is with these needy men?!

Seriously? As his emotional age seems to be about 3, maybe she should put in a playpen and some toys for him.

My parter has school holidays off. He'll come and sit in the office with me and drink a cup of tea sometimes. Even if we don't really chat, it's quite nice just having him there, existing.

I'd be livid if he got pissy about me not leaving my workspace to do the reverse.

Tell him to get a hobby, or start dinner!

He is being needy and controlling.

A really firm word is needed.

Alternatively, tell him you've asked your male boss if it's OK and he has said no but that you can look into reduced hours and you got the feeling he would be monitoring your output since you've now asked.

Urgh, what an annoying manchild. He has no respect for your job and thinks you should drop everything because his highness is home. I’d work in the office full time just to get away from him.

Thank you for all the replies

To answer a few questions

He moans a lot that we don't get a lot of time together, however he will go out most weekends to watch/play football all, or has days out with mates a lot

He starts at 730, he used to worn shifts in a manual job but has recently moved into office work. When he was on shift (including nights etc) he would also moan that i wouldn't come and sit with him if he was awake etc

If he is home he Will pick up the children and he will cook dinner, but most days he sits and watches TV between times. I do the drop offs, the washing, loading and unloading the dishwasher etc as well as manage the bills and life admin in general

How come he finishes at 2? When does he start?

I don’t get the impression you’re madly enamoured of your DP in general, OP

There you go, as we suspected, he sees you as a sort of a human x box, when he wants company you’re to be there at his beck and call, but when he’s got something better to do (mates/ football) he puts you back on charge.

How would he react if you started whinging that he doesn’t spend time with you/ the kids on the weekend? Why does he behave like a lazy git instead of pulling his weight at home? What exactly are you getting out of this relationship other than a load of ear ache and emotional blackmail?

He can do some housework, cook dinner and run errands so that once you’re done you can spend quality time together. Has he thought about that?

You work 9 til 5. If he gets home at 2 and he's bored he could do some housework/ gardening/ get a hobby. It's not your job to entertain him!

So today I went against everyone's advice and came and sat out on the living room when he got home and before school pick up

In the space of an hour and a half I was out there, 3 people rang that i needed to talk to, by the time I had taken over the sofa with my to do and other notebook he was already frustrated and then told me to go into the kitchen to take a call as he was concentrating on his game

Now he's moaning that i had so many calls and doesn't understand why I need to talk to so many people (because its my job?l )

So you didn’t take the advice offered and now you are complaining. No sympathy as you are just pandering to this immature man.

Does he understand how employment works?

What a ridiculous man. Work in your normal office space, shut down his complaints whenever he starts, and if it's such a deal breaker for him that he leaves? Sounds like it wouldn't be a massive loss to be quite honest.

Sorry I couldn't actually live with that level of pathetic

He wants you to spend 'quality' time with him in working hours, when he fucks off and does his own thing at weekends when you're both free, and when he could actually do more around the house to ensure when you finished you weren't doing chores?

He is happy with you struggling on one screen, avoiding taking work calls in work hours that are s atandard part of your job, to sit next to him while he watches tv?

You know he is trying to sabotage you don't you? I'm going to hazard a guess that you earn more than him, and he has a 'traditional' outlook and is actually deeply insecure, jealous etc and pretty much thinks women should stay at home doing women things like cooking and not have a career

You can do better OP

I think you’re being unreasonable. Go and take a colouring book out to him and do some colouring together, while asking if he had a good day at work, were the other adults nice to him, etc. Then go and make him some turkey dinosaurs and potato smiley faces for his tea.

WFH is not an excuse to socialise with family members. You are working. End of. Tell hubby that when you stop work you will spend time with him but while your employer is paying for your time they, and not him, will be the priority.