Its a WFH one

[itsawfhone88]

I am having a debate with DH

I am lucky that I get to WFH 2 - 3 days a week (office based the other days)

Also lucky that I have space in a spare room that has room for a desk set up (two screen etc) which is really important for the role I do (think Analyst type role, hundreds of spreadsheets at any one time) Laptop is provided by work

I find it really hard to work on a small screen for long periods of time, so unless I am answering emails I prefer the desk set up. Also like the privacy of being able to take calls in the office space and not having to worry about background noise etc

DH finishes work at 2pm most days (full time office based) and then comes home, and moans that I don't come out of the office space to sit and 'spend time with him'

my job is full on, I finish at 5 although could often work later (that's a whole different argument I have with Dh on a regular basis!)

Am I being unreasonable for wanting to work in the designated office space during office hours (9-5) or should I come out and 'spend quality time with DH'

Should also mention that I start at 9 as I have school run before that, and if DH isn't home I will pop out at 3 ish to do school pick up

I would have serious concerns about any adult who needs you present while you work inefficiently! He needs to grow up, needy ain't attractive!

DH and I both WFH. We work in different rooms. I will occasionally take up a coffee if I realise that he's not had one (eg the coffee machine is busy glugging but he's clearly already working) but the only other time we're likely to 'meet' is over lunch when, if I hear him go into the kitchen to sort his, I might break for my lunch at the same time. He officially finishes at 5pm, but I would rarely disturb him until 5.30 unless it was urgent...

But its hardly quality time if you're working, is it? You'll still be ignoring him just slightly closer.

How utterly weird that he is presumably a fully grown adult with a job of his own yet can't grasp the concept of "wfh" - if he wouldn't rock up to your office for the last few hours when you are working he can get over not doing it while you're in the house.

Is he this clingy generally? Do you pretty much spend all your time together when you're not working? I can't think of anything that would put me off someone faster than them clinging to me like a toddler wanting attention while I was trying to work.

He is being deliberately difficult. And he is not stupid enough to think you should be "keeping him company" on work time. I would firmly tell him again and say it is not up for discussion so do not mention it again. He is attempting to make you feel guilty for working, but it is so ridiculous it would only make me resent him.

Just ignore his complaints. Keep the office door shut and learn some statements to shut down the conversation.

This is stupid on his part - he needs to understand your not available to him during working hours.

You should definitely protect your ability to do your job as you may find yourself single at some point if he carries on with this attitude.

I'd build up a list of jobs that need doing in the house and every time he challenges your working hours, refer him to the lists of jobs to do if he's bored.

Urgh. Just urgh.

I'm just waiting for OP to say she also earns more than him...

I've worked from home for years. My kids know when I am working and when I am not (clue is where I am, the time of day, the fuck off monitor and my concentrating face) and they respect that.

Most people find they are able to work when their kids are about around the end of Primary school. So, OP is your husband actually 9 years old?

When you say "interrupts me a lot", what are the interruptions?

Because there is a world of difference between briefly putting your head round the door to ask "do you want some tea?" or "do you want me to pick you up anything from the shop?", and what the OP's husband is doing here (demanding that she work in the same room as him).

I don't believe this is a gender thing at all. My DH is welcome to knock on the door and ask a quick question. But he is absolutely not welcome to sit in the room with me, and vice-versa.

Your DH sounds like a giant baby!

Do you realise your DH has serious issues? This is not a WFH problem…

He’s mad/ clingy/ controlling/ emotionally blackmailing you/ all of the above.

He thinks you exist purely for his own amusement. And he doesn’t respect you.

Plus, don’t you have evenings/ weekends to socialise if you really want to, which perhaps you might if he wasn’t a bit mad.

Honestly I think I’d go into the office 5 days a week. If not you seriously need a chat to confirm these are your working hours and you are expected to work apart from a 5 minute chat, and you’re happy with that.

Saying that you prioritise work over kids is a low blow- I would have gone mental. Quite apart from anything else you’ll have more time to spend with them if you can get your work done quickly and in peace.

Um, no, you need to set boundaries. No one should be interrupting anyone WFH unless they both work at the same company and it's a relevant job qu which is easier to answer in person, or it's a real emergency.

Perhaps if he spent the hours 2-5 doing the laundry, sorting dinner and dealing with the kids, instead of watching tv, there’d be more scope for quality time in the evening.

Can’t decide which pp I agree more with - the one who called him thick, the one who called him a moron, or the one who called him a twit.

No different for me - if people are WFH then they should be in their office/work space and left in peace.

I keep the kids away from DH's office when he's working from home. Equally he accepts that occasionally WFH means he'll hear a crying child or a loud game.

We don't deliberately interrupt his day and he won't deliberately interrupt ours (it's super disruptive with our youngest if he pops out every 10 minutes).

This bodes well for retirement. I have so many questions.
He works full time in an office based role but finishes and is home daily by 2pm. What time does he start?
What does he do every day from 2pm until dinner time? The school run, dinner, laundry etc?
Is he complaining that on the days he wants to sit and do nothing, you are unavailable; or is this a daily event? Because in the first instance I'd be pointing out that if he got other stuff done, you could both sit down at the weekend or earlier in the evening and not run around doing chores.
Do you earn more than him? Is this resentment over your success or is he being deeply disrespectful and dismissive of your job, it's importance to you, and your employer that you do a good job.

I agree with this, there's all sorts of useful things he could do, like the food shop, bill paying, going to the post office/returning parcels etc.

Once you mention enough of the tasks and always have something else to mention, he'll start leaving you alone to get peace and quiet.

He’s being pathetic.

Tell him to pack it in or you will get a lock for the door.

No, of course you shouldn't be entertaining your husband while you are getting paid to work.

This is a DH one…we both WFH during the week and the days we both home we may make the other a cup of tea or lunch. But ‘spending’ time together is once we’ve finished work!

No. My answer would be the same.

The OP has a dedicated workspace which does not impact on her husband. There is no reason for him to interrupt.

He's either pathetically childish or trying to sabotage her career.

You’re obviously not being unreasonable for wanting to work.

I'll be surprised if she doesn't. These threads nearly always hinge on a man who feels emasculated by the fact that his wife or partner has a better paid job than them.