Its a WFH one

[itsawfhone88]

I am having a debate with DH

I am lucky that I get to WFH 2 - 3 days a week (office based the other days)

Also lucky that I have space in a spare room that has room for a desk set up (two screen etc) which is really important for the role I do (think Analyst type role, hundreds of spreadsheets at any one time) Laptop is provided by work

I find it really hard to work on a small screen for long periods of time, so unless I am answering emails I prefer the desk set up. Also like the privacy of being able to take calls in the office space and not having to worry about background noise etc

DH finishes work at 2pm most days (full time office based) and then comes home, and moans that I don't come out of the office space to sit and 'spend time with him'

my job is full on, I finish at 5 although could often work later (that's a whole different argument I have with Dh on a regular basis!)

Am I being unreasonable for wanting to work in the designated office space during office hours (9-5) or should I come out and 'spend quality time with DH'

Should also mention that I start at 9 as I have school run before that, and if DH isn't home I will pop out at 3 ish to do school pick up

He's either irredeemably thick, or he resents you and is trying to sabotage your career.

Honestly, why are you bothering with this man? What are his good points?

You’re WORKING. Would he come into your office away from home? Or your classroom/shop to ‘spend quality time’ with you? My Dh has been wfh for weeks, I leave him to it.

The only suggestion I was going to make was if it fits in with your work, have a short break with him when he comes in. Quick cuppa/chat and then go back to work. Not a lot different from seeing a work colleague when in the office.
However he does need to respect your work and the hours you do. If he doesn't enjoy his work, then he needs to sort that, not disrupt yours!

😂and eventually progress to putting him in another room with a baby monitor!

Why on earth are you pandering to him?

You are at work. You aren't his personal entertainer. Have you said that he can spend quality time with you at the weekends if he wants?

Is he this controlling in other aspects of your life?

OP, is he genuinely so stupid that he doesn't understand that most jobs involve talking to people and if someone is WFH, this is via phone or Teams etc?

Also, if he is playing his game, why does he even want you there? Are you supposed to just watch him admiringly, occasionally telling him what a good job he is doing, like you would to a toddler that is learning a new skill?

He is definitely trying to sabotage your job and you are letting him. I'm don't know why you aren't absolutely furious with him.

I'm assuming you did this to demonstrate to him how unworkable it is, seeing as he didn't seem to believe you before.

Point well made, surely now the issue is settled.

But it isn't really, is it because he's still moaning which is going to affect you.

It feels like a very codependent relationship and you might need professional help via therapy to be free of it.

I can't believe you pandered to what he wants and sat on the sofa working with him. Good to know that the data you work with is safe too?

It’s all been said about your DH’s lack of maturity and lack of respect for you and your work.
Looking at it from a different dimension, if you ever took a confidential call deliberately within your DH’s hearing you should be barred from wfh. What would your employer make of this potential arrangement? It makes you both look unprofessional and immature.
The other largely unexplored area is that your husband says he craves your attention but then chooses to go out with mates instead at the weekends. Easy solution there then, tell him that’s your free time, he just needs to prioritise you.

Well your experiment worked well.

At least now you can say you're not working in the living room or kitchen as it's not practical for either of you.

That you are being paid to work and you'll be using the office room upstairs in future until 5pm.

Im wondering if he doesn't want to parent the children after pick up and that's why he wants you there. (But my employer wouldn't allow me to do that and I'd be told to get someone to sit them as im expected to be fully engaged on work). I also think there will be other stuff that he complains about unreasonably and you just give in for an easy life but actually he's being selfish inconsiderate and you'd be better off without him......

Now he's moaning that i had so many calls and doesn't understand why I need to talk to so many people (because its my job?l )

I think it's clear now that he's trying to sabotage your career. He obviously isn't happy that you are working and not pandering to his every need.

This is very weird. There are usually 2-3 days a week where both DH and I are wfh, and apart from popping out to offer each other a cup of tea or whatever, we don't hang out. Some days we don't even have lunch at the same time. When we are working we are working, and then we clock off and we are together again. It would do my nut in if DH was expecting me to be in the same place as him while working.

Hahaha!

Your DH is bonkers. Mine is similar!

Mine likes to talk. A lot. So I retreat back to my office quickly after making coffee/lunch/bathroom trips or whatever. I can honestly say “alright cool got to get back to work now” three times and he still KEEPS TALKING. Now I just shut the door and walk out 😂

He sounds spoiled and whiny. Maybe he needs to be told that playing the victim is not a good look.

Is he 5??? Wtf!! You’re not there to entertain him, you’re working! My mind boggles! He’s a man child!

Me too!!

Another man child who needs entertainment. I would go into work and let him pick the children up from school. Be more peaceful at work without his pathetic moaning. I would also, to ratchet it up, give him a list of jobs to do, emptying dish washer, running the hoover over. Why is he sat on his arse watching TV or buggering off at the weekend. So he doesn't like his job? Well boo hoo.

We both WFH, DH has an office I have a spare room with full set up.

We barely talk to each other as we're working!

Pass information such as going out at lunch time, just fed the cats. We don't dined lunches together or make each other drinks unless asked.

Sorry OP your DH needs to grow up. A friend is going through some similar issues when she WFH her DH expects 100% of her attention.

you could drop your wfh and go into the office more?

Let me guess, he's one of those who thinks that sitting at a computer isn't 'real work' 🙄

Twat

Does he know what the W in WFH means? He sounds like a child. You've tried it his way; it doesn't work.