Its a WFH one

[itsawfhone88]

I am having a debate with DH

I am lucky that I get to WFH 2 - 3 days a week (office based the other days)

Also lucky that I have space in a spare room that has room for a desk set up (two screen etc) which is really important for the role I do (think Analyst type role, hundreds of spreadsheets at any one time) Laptop is provided by work

I find it really hard to work on a small screen for long periods of time, so unless I am answering emails I prefer the desk set up. Also like the privacy of being able to take calls in the office space and not having to worry about background noise etc

DH finishes work at 2pm most days (full time office based) and then comes home, and moans that I don't come out of the office space to sit and 'spend time with him'

my job is full on, I finish at 5 although could often work later (that's a whole different argument I have with Dh on a regular basis!)

Am I being unreasonable for wanting to work in the designated office space during office hours (9-5) or should I come out and 'spend quality time with DH'

Should also mention that I start at 9 as I have school run before that, and if DH isn't home I will pop out at 3 ish to do school pick up

Some of the interruptions are innocuous like your examples. The ones I find irritating are sending me to fetch something from another room, asking me to make her some food, or just delivering a long monologue.

Is it actually that he doesn't want to solo parent from 3 to 5?

One of my systems does not work well on a laptop screen. So I can't sit anywhere without having a large second screen available.

We also had to provide photographic evidence that we have a suitable office set-up, are without any other people in the same room during working hours and can take/make confidential calls.

I only work 4 days but I don't feel the need to ask DH to come downstairs and spend time with me - and he could work just on his laptop. I am also far too busy to sit down for hours staring at him.

I would get a lock for your door and tell him you come "home" when your work is finished.

Book a half day holiday, go to his office, sit by his desk, engage him in conversation and demand he watch whatever tv show is on. Tell him you can mute it when he gets a call.

Some of the interruptions are innocuous like your examples. The ones I find irritating are sending me to fetch something from another room, asking me to make her some food, or just delivering a long monologue.

Tell her that you're working.

He's either trying to sabotage your career, or is a pathetic wet wipe. Either way, I'd be considering LTB.

Those are definitely not okay.

But that’s not ok! It’s not her prerogative. You’re working. Are you seriously saying you stop your working day to make her food and believe that’s somehow alright? Why?

This is a bizarre thread-does your husband often struggle to understand simple things?

Beyond saying, ‘I’m working till 5, I’ll talk to you then’ I wouldn’t really need or want to discuss this situation any more. If he really couldn’t grasp this, I can’t see a relationship continuing!

@DiscontentedPig do you work for HMRC of student finance by any chance? Both government departments with appalling customer service. When someone eventually answers a call, I can actually hear kids, TV, family chatter in the background !

This. I couldn't be with a whiny, needy manchild who apparently doesn't understand how the working world works. What does he do for a living?

Is he a bit challenged intellectually or just selfish, disrespectful and clueless?

@DiscontentedPig would she do the same if you were a surgeon in an operating theatre?

He's a prick ltb he doesn't value your work

It's your job. Your DH needs to get a grip. Working does not entail spending time with needy husband while the company pays for it.

Probably not, but I can't exactly pretend my job is saving lives.

I don’t suppose this will work as something to say to him to get him to stop BU but surely the information you are working on is confidential and while things relaxed a lot during COVID there is likely to be a policy somewhere which says that if you WFH you have to have a space where you can work privately and take phone calls where they cannot be overheard by anyone else? Your work would not be happy with the idea of you doing calls while he’s in the room with the telly on mute and he’s “not listening.” That line alone makes him sound like an eight year old.

I know you said he’s in the office but is it actually an office job he has or is it manual? ETA because I find men who have manual jobs seem to look down on office jobs as not proper jobs

Why is she asking you to make her food or fetch something from another room when you are working? Unless you're going to drip feed that she's severely disabled, this is absolutely ridiculous. She's a grown woman so can surely make her own food and do her own fetching.

Is it quality time or is he just trying to sabotage your job because you’re doing well and enjoy it? He sounds absolutely pathetic.

I’m willing to bet you are the higher earner in a professional job and he, well, isn’t. He’s threatened by your job and perceived higher status and does this to try to exert some control over the situation to try and rebalance his perceived power loss. Either that or he’s just incredibly ignorant of what a professional role entails as he has no experience (cos he’s thick)

How are you supposed to concentrate on your work if he's watching TV?

Why haven't you told him to fuck off?

He's sabotaging your work . He's trying to put you in your place ... which he deems beneath him .

Not healthy in any way at all.

I was going to say exactly this!

Everything about your work set up sounds perfectly reasonable and normal.

Expecting to be actually able to work at your desk, mostly undisturbed, when you are working is reasonable and normal.

Having a needy man child require your attention while you are working is not even remotely reasonable, although is sadly probably normal!

Say what???

Why on earth would anyone do that?

Tell him you find it super unattractive. He's behaving like a spoilt child.