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AIBU?

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Original poster

Its a WFH one

147 replies

itsawfhone88 · 15/10/2024 16:11

I am having a debate with DH

I am lucky that I get to WFH 2 - 3 days a week (office based the other days)

Also lucky that I have space in a spare room that has room for a desk set up (two screen etc) which is really important for the role I do (think Analyst type role, hundreds of spreadsheets at any one time) Laptop is provided by work

I find it really hard to work on a small screen for long periods of time, so unless I am answering emails I prefer the desk set up. Also like the privacy of being able to take calls in the office space and not having to worry about background noise etc

DH finishes work at 2pm most days (full time office based) and then comes home, and moans that I don't come out of the office space to sit and 'spend time with him'

my job is full on, I finish at 5 although could often work later (that's a whole different argument I have with Dh on a regular basis!)

Am I being unreasonable for wanting to work in the designated office space during office hours (9-5) or should I come out and 'spend quality time with DH'

Should also mention that I start at 9 as I have school run before that, and if DH isn't home I will pop out at 3 ish to do school pick up

OP posts:
TarantinoIsAMisogynist · 15/10/2024 16:43

SoiledMyselfDuringSomeTurbulence · 15/10/2024 16:28

Think this is a DH one rather than a wfh one...

💯

I WFH 2 days a wk, and my DH also WFH most days. If one of us finishes work before the other we manage to quietly entertain ourselves, or do some odd jobs round the house. It's not difficult if you respect your partner's job.

LetsSeeHowFarWeveCome · 15/10/2024 16:43

itsawfhone88 · 15/10/2024 16:11

I am having a debate with DH

I am lucky that I get to WFH 2 - 3 days a week (office based the other days)

Also lucky that I have space in a spare room that has room for a desk set up (two screen etc) which is really important for the role I do (think Analyst type role, hundreds of spreadsheets at any one time) Laptop is provided by work

I find it really hard to work on a small screen for long periods of time, so unless I am answering emails I prefer the desk set up. Also like the privacy of being able to take calls in the office space and not having to worry about background noise etc

DH finishes work at 2pm most days (full time office based) and then comes home, and moans that I don't come out of the office space to sit and 'spend time with him'

my job is full on, I finish at 5 although could often work later (that's a whole different argument I have with Dh on a regular basis!)

Am I being unreasonable for wanting to work in the designated office space during office hours (9-5) or should I come out and 'spend quality time with DH'

Should also mention that I start at 9 as I have school run before that, and if DH isn't home I will pop out at 3 ish to do school pick up

Ask him what his boss and co-workers would say if you rocked up to his office and sat down at his desk to 'spend time with him' during his working hours.

Because that is exactly what he's asking you to do.

Make him answer you.

Dotto · 15/10/2024 16:44

Don't placate him in this way ever again. He needs to be respecting you.

TarantinoIsAMisogynist · 15/10/2024 16:46

Parkmybentley · 15/10/2024 16:43

I'm going to leave out the angle covered above which is he's stupid/disrespectful. I agree BUT let's go on an imaginary detour and take this at face value, let's say he misses you and wants to be in the same room as you. Simply put an arm chair and tv (with headphones?) in the office. He can hang out there while you work at your desk. Easy.

There are lots of jobs where this would be totally inappropriate. Any role involving confidential information, for example (including mine).

And she shouldn't pander to him on this! If she gives an inch he will be demanding a mile.

whatsinanameeh · 15/10/2024 16:46

I'm just so embarrassed for him, to really need you to "spend time with him" while he watches tv and you're on work time? Just so embarassed, his neediness and level of petulance is just cringey.

TarantinoIsAMisogynist · 15/10/2024 16:50

'Missing you and wanting to be in the same room as you' would be understandable if he were a pet cat or dog. But in a grown man it's utterly pathetic.

EngineEngineNumber9 · 15/10/2024 16:50

This is the neediest, most annoyingly childish thing I’ve ever heard. Honestly. When you’re working you’re working. It’s not complicated or difficult to understand. He sounds thick and deeply unnattractive.

Reading between the lines of your posts it sounds like you’re maybe thinking life without him would be better.

BCBird · 15/10/2024 16:51

He sounds like a baby. When he finishes why isn't he getting stuff ready for the evening so u can have quality time together? It sounds like he thinks your work is not real work OP. Bet he's happy with the money u contribute though isn't he?

LostOnTheWayToManderley · 15/10/2024 16:54

Parkmybentley · 15/10/2024 16:43

I'm going to leave out the angle covered above which is he's stupid/disrespectful. I agree BUT let's go on an imaginary detour and take this at face value, let's say he misses you and wants to be in the same room as you. Simply put an arm chair and tv (with headphones?) in the office. He can hang out there while you work at your desk. Easy.

🤣🤣 I appreciate we’re doing an imaginary detour but while we’re there, does OP also need to provide him with milk and a picky snack?!

SerenityNowSerenityNow · 15/10/2024 16:55

What an absolute child!! This would drive me potty!

Moonlaserbearwolf · 15/10/2024 16:56

Perhaps you would be better off working in the office?

TarantinoIsAMisogynist · 15/10/2024 16:57

Moonlaserbearwolf · 15/10/2024 16:56

Perhaps you would be better off working in the office?

The OP really shouldn't have to change her work arrangements because of her DH's poor behaviour

toomuchfaff · 15/10/2024 16:58

We have 3 people in our house who all work from home. We each have a room, with a door that is mostly shut (bedrooms mostly with desks and monitors). We don't interact or socialise aside from when we go down to make a brew, or for lunch. Working from home is precisely that, it's as though we were in the office.

Shut the door to your office space and if he sulks, let him. Absolute unappealing, dreadful behaviour, if my partner did this he'd be told in no uncertain terms to fk right off. I'm working.

Sailonsilverrgirl · 15/10/2024 16:58

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

DoraDont · 15/10/2024 16:59

He needs a fucking hobby. Get an allotment or something.

CasaBianca · 15/10/2024 17:02

I agree with you.

Just to make him realise his is wrong, could you move your screens to the living room one time and work from there - then tell him that it didn’t work and why (interruptions from him, tv sound on, etc)
Maybe say that he is welcome to sit in your working area with a book or on his phone as long as he doesn’t interrupt you - if spending time in the same room is so important to him

saveforthat · 15/10/2024 17:03

How is he working full time and getting home at 2?

GreenWheat · 15/10/2024 17:04

He is jealous of your career so is trying to make it about him. He is an arse.

DancingPhantomsOnTheTerrace · 15/10/2024 17:05

Even if you didn't need multiple screens and could work fine on a laptop, you're still actually working, and therefore not able to spend time with him. Why isn't he able to grasp this??

DiscontentedPig · 15/10/2024 17:05

I'm surprised how unanimous this is, and wonder what people would think if the genders were reversed?

My wife interrupts me a lot when I'm WFH, but I kind of feel like that's her prerogative and it's on me to get used to it and stop finding it annoying.

MinervaMcGonagallsCat · 15/10/2024 17:06

He doesn't respect you or your job and doesn't think it's real work.

He's being a total dick.

lightsandtunnels · 15/10/2024 17:06

Some people really do seems to struggle with the whole WFH concept. Thinking you can just grab a coffee when you like, bob to the shops or watch a TV show you've got recorded. Or chat to guests (or partners.) Your are definitely not being unreasonable. He needs to grow up and understand that you are at work!

DancingPhantomsOnTheTerrace · 15/10/2024 17:06

DiscontentedPig · 15/10/2024 17:05

I'm surprised how unanimous this is, and wonder what people would think if the genders were reversed?

My wife interrupts me a lot when I'm WFH, but I kind of feel like that's her prerogative and it's on me to get used to it and stop finding it annoying.

It would not be reversed if someone posted on here saying "I get home from work at 2, and I think my DH should come and spend time with me rather than working in his office".

Crunchymum · 15/10/2024 17:07

The WFH issue a red herring.

Your needy, dismissive, selfish DH is the real issue.

TarantinoIsAMisogynist · 15/10/2024 17:08

CasaBianca · 15/10/2024 17:02

I agree with you.

Just to make him realise his is wrong, could you move your screens to the living room one time and work from there - then tell him that it didn’t work and why (interruptions from him, tv sound on, etc)
Maybe say that he is welcome to sit in your working area with a book or on his phone as long as he doesn’t interrupt you - if spending time in the same room is so important to him

And what about the OP's need for privacy? Many roles have requirements around confidentiality that make it totally inappropriate to have someone in the room with you.

The OP shouldn't pander to her DH on this at all, because if she does it will be like she is admitting he has a valid point (which he doesn't) and that he is right to expect concessions from her (which he isn't).

The correct response to a wholly unreasonable request isn't to partially agree to it - it's to say a firm no, and mean it.