issues with lodger

[lodger]

Hi

Hoping for a bit of clarity and in need of a chat about my lodger. He's only been
here for a few weeks but ive found it challenging having someone in my home space. Tonight he bought back a friend with no prior warning and occupied the kitchen space and cooked for friend and they both ate at the table, chatting away. I found it quite rude to not give me the heads up that he was bringing a guest back and cooking dinner. I had to make my dinner then leave the kitchen as they were clearly chatting and eating and I felt like a third wheel. He is my lodger and I find this quite rude. Am I being unreasonable in expecting him to tell me that he's bringing a friend home? He also makes very loud phone calls alot of the time and hooks his calls up to an external speaker so that I can hear his conversations very clearly. his room is above mine. Again I find this quite disrespectful. Some viewpoints would be handy. Im not used to having people in my home and I lost my husband last year to cancer so its a big deal to have someone living in my space. Its an adjustment

He has his own sitting room as a lodger?
Very lucky.
He's a CF.
The fact he didn't like you telling him is your red flag.
This won't be your last issue.
Why did you tell him friends coming back are no issue?
Foolish.
You have given him the ok for a procession of friends back.
He now can bring back his latest hook up?
Is that really what you want?
Random women staying over?

OP, you sound really naive and vulnerable.
I would be very concerned at you doing this.
He is making you feel uncomfortable in your home and allowing his friends to treat you as if he is an equal renter.
He has hugely misled them and you are buying into it.

Get him out and rethink this.

He's an adult he is allowed to bring people to the house.

If he lived in a flats hare he could bring any friend he wants back.

Why do you think that lodgers can't bring anyone to the house?

What if you were paying for a room in a house, and i said to you "you can never have a friend over ever" how would you feel.

He's an adult with rights.

He does not have the rights of a house share.
He has the rights that the OP determines when she offers the room.
He either accepts them or he finds a room elsewhere.

As per UK law a lodger has zero rights to have an over night guest, unlike in a house share.
It is a different agreement.

Have you ever been a lodger, or had a lodger?

He didn't have an overnight guest.

He is entitled to use the kitchen and common areas.

Yes, but if she asks him nicely to let her know he could agree without being disgruntled... Assuming op asked nicely. Just as a decent human sharing your space thing.

OK so now you're finding more stuff to be unhappy with. First it's not ok for them to be in "your" kitchen space, then you don't like them ignored you and carried on having a personal conversation, then you don't like how his friend spoke to you...this is doomed.

If you feel "invaded" by a lodger doing something you gave him permission to do, then yet again, you should not be having one.

He is entitled to use the kitchen and common areas.

But anyone with any manners or common sense would mention they wanted use of the kitchen etc at a particular time. What if OP had friends coming round as well?

I never said he had an over night guest.🙄
I am stating the difference between lodging and being in a house share.
They are completely differ rights.

He does not have the protections of a tenant.
He doesn't pay bills.
He can be given notice to leave.
He does NOT have the right to bring a stranger into the house without permission.
He certainly has no right to have a guest stay over.
The OP gets to decide where he can and cannot be in HER house.
He cannot lock his room.
She can enter his room in her house at any time.

No I have never been a lodger.
But it is really not difficult to look up the rights of one.
It is a vastly different, casual arrangement compared to being a tenant with the rights afforded to you under law.

Yes imagine lodger says nothing has friend round 7-9pm in small kitchen that seats two.

Op has also invited a friend round for dinner 7:30pm till whenever. There is no space or now 4 people trying to cram into that space.

It’s just common courtesy I’d say to inform someone that you share one eating area with if you are inviting someone round to eat in said space.

Different to cook and take it to your personal space but not to hog the one cooking and eating area.

I agree. It is an entirely different set up to hpuse share. My lodger pays about a quarter of what I pay in bills and mortgage for a reason.

I will always give lodger heads up if people cone back. For me uts common courtesy so he's aware and can adjust if needs be to someone he doesn't know being in the house

Part of me wonders if he picked your house for lodging as he thought he could push you around. Not liking rules, his guest walking into your private lounge and talking to you how you feel like the man’s an equal tenant.

Id get a female lodger after getting this one gone.

If he has his own living room it’s even more UR that he dominated your space.

I have no doubt that he sees the OP as vulnerable.
Instead of being rightly apologetic about his guest, he is put out.
Sounds like you won't be told OP.
I really hope this isn't something you bitterly regret.

I feel sorry for your lodge tbh. He bought one friend back, they dared to cook and eat a meal in the kitchen and you have a go at him for it.

After not having said he couldn't do those things. You told him off like he was a student. That's why he wasn't happy about the conversation.

If you want the money from someone lodging you have to let them feel like they have a home.

He's not in a house share.

He's a lodger. He doesn't even have the right to a lock on his door.

Exactly it's not just about money for the house owner.

This is his life and living space too.

How do you know how OP spoke to her lodger?

He should have had the common courtesy to say he wanted to use the kitchen at a certain time. I'd even do that to DH if I had friends coming round, let alone if I was a lodger in someone else's house

This right here is where you gave him permission to have someone over.

I suspect he has told her you're sharing the house.

Yes, he is the lodger in your home . So if he is paying rent, it is is home too right now. I don't feel he needs to tell you if he is bringing a friend home. Did you have discussions re use of kitchen prior to him moving in ? Does he have a tenancy/rental agreement?
It seems that you may not have given sufficient consideration to the reality of having a lodger. This isn't a criticism , just a statement of fact

You were assuming, just like lodger is assuming it's ok
Important to be open and honest with him

This.
OP, u have made it clear that u r finding it hard sharing your space. U should have considered this before taking in a lodger.

SPOT ON